Wednesday, November 28, 2007

 

Daily Douchebag: Details magazine


Name: Details

DOB: ??

Occupation: giving men some bullshit ideas

Douchebaggery: I take back what I said a while back about Details being a useful men's magazine after seeing the above cover of their "Power and Influence" issue. While I certainly agree with a polemic against fake tits and I think all parents should ask themselves whether they are raising douchebag children, I simply cannot fathom why KEVIN FUCKING FEDERLINE is the poster boy for the world's 50 most influential men under 45. WHAT?

Okay, K-Fed looks like parent of the year compared to his ex-wife, but the kid-eating witch from "Hansel and Gretel" could probably seem more competent at child-rearing than the legendary Ms. Britney Spears. I wouldn't call that "influential," unless somehow men are all being influenced to not procreate wildly with meth-smoking, club-hopping, vadge-flashing, nappily beweaved trainwrecks. Even worse, K-Fed tied with Anna Nicole's twink baby daddy for number SEVEN on the list, right between fools defaulting on their mortgages and Muqtada al-Sadr! Granted, the whole list reads like it was put together by some thirteen-year-old asshole who decided to get high and pick bullshit names out of a hat. The top ten include:

1. Zac Efron, Shia LeBouef, and the Disney kids
2. The Surge (as in Iraq war troop surge)
3. Mark Zuckerberg (inventor of Facebook...I guess Tom from MySpace is obsolete)
4. The Bible Beaters (because they're all turning out to be homo-ass hypocrites, probably)
5. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (even after EIGHT FUCKING YEARS, the Trenchcoat Mafia influences countless Details readers...to shoot up their schools)
6. The Subprime Sucker/Mortgage Defaulter (WHAT?!)
7. Kevin Federline and Larry Birkhead
8. Muqtada al-Sadr
9. The word "faggot" (I'm not kidding...Details declares this word "forever young")
10. Howard Wolfson, polical consultant for Hillary Clinton (wait, Hill's consultant makes the list but no Barack Obama? I thought he would be #1! Details is apparently endorsing the Efron-LeBouef presidential ticket. High School Musical in the White House!)

Details should be taken out of print immediately for having such asinine ideas about "power and influence." The only dudes up there who seem to be in the right spot on the list are the Facebook guy and the neo-con Jesus freaks. The solitary thing I can think of in praise of this magazine is that they put K-Fed on the cover rather than Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold getting ready to shoot the fuck out of Columbine High School. Otherwise, this list is just mystifying. How are K-Fed and Larry Birkhead more influential than the head Shiite cleric in charge over in Iraq? Sorry, but I think that commanding an armed militia of religious warriors constitutes greater power and influence than dudes who hit the jackpot by knocking up rich white trash. Details just lost all credibility with me in spite of their campaigns against fake tits and douchebag children. The devil's in the Details!

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# posted by Razzy @ 8:10 AM
Comments:
Um, this list is frightening. The word ''faggot'' is powerful and influential because it is forever young?? I think if any curse word has staying power it's ''fuck,'' and it also lacks the inherent offensiveness to a select group of people.
# posted by Blogger Bambi : 11/28/2007 3:38 PM
 
Who wouldn't second that? Well said.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11/28/2007 10:19 PM
 
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