Thursday, November 15, 2007

 

Daily Douchebag: the DMV


Name: the New York state Department of Motor Vehicles, 34th Street License X-PRESS Location

Occupation: making one's life miserable every few years

Current residence: that clusterfuck of post offices and overpriced Irish pubs across from Madison Square Garden

Douchebaggery: Being that it is my birthday on Saturday, I now have to take care of an errand I've dreaded ever since moving to the fair isle of Mannahattas...exchanging my beloved Washington state driver's license which lists my address as 1007 North K St, Tacoma AKA the City of Destiny, WA for a New York license. My license expires on Saturday as my last year in my twenties commences, so unless I want to take another driving test at some later date (I DO NOT!), I've got to schlep my sorry ass over to the DMV and cough up a dollar or eighty for my official government issued ID. On the bright side, this means I'll have an ID that has a shot at being marginally okay-looking. Not that I really mind TOO much that my Washington state ID really makes me look like a true Tacoma girl. The kind of girl who likes spiral perms, NASCAR, banana clips, and breast-feeding while a stolen Costco-sized shipment of pseudoephedrine dissolves in a heating bucket of anhydrous ammonia:

Seriously, I look like my last name should be "Gilooly" and I should either be tapping my badly-in-need-of-a-fill acrylic tips on the plexiglass screen of a video poker console at the Muckleshoot Casino while a smoldering Benson and Hedges hangs from between my prematurely wrinkled lips or wrassled into the back of a Pierce County Sheriff's cruiser while screaming a series of profanity and double-negative-laden denials of guilt ("I didn't do nothin', you fucken sumbitches, I waren't cookin' no meth in my trailer!").

Hopefully I'll look all sophisticated and shit on my new ID, which will list my address as the sexy-sounding New York, New York. Chances are, however, that with my track record of non-photogenic ID pictures, I'll probably just look like a slightly more urban meth cookin' PWT hooker. Oh well. It's better than my passport photo (taken my senior year of college), in which I look like I should be on the cover of a Smith admissions brochure engaging in spirited intellectual conversation about gender politics with all my smart Smithie friends under some lovely blazing New England fall foliage beneath the caption "SMITH COLLEGE: Where Women's Minds Matter":

So sorry dudes, but I've got to get to the DMV, so there's not going to be a whole lot of blogging going on today. Wish me good face on my new ID.

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# posted by Razzy @ 8:08 AM
Comments:
I remember you being a lot hotter your senior year of college. Are you sure that passport photo is you? I actually have to say that I too was dreading my liscence express trip. However it turned out much less painful than I thought it would. Spent about a half-hour maybe forty-five minutes there. My liscence arrived about 10 days later. Not that bad. In fact less painful then waiting in line at Bank of America.
# posted by Anonymous Benzo : 11/15/2007 9:55 AM
 
Benzo, you were right about License X-Press...it was relatively painless. And YES, that passport photo is me...I'm pretty sure I dragged my sorry ass to the Northampton Ritz Camera to get the picture taken after we tied one on late at Packard's or something. That's the haggard look of a hungover bitch who stayed up late drinking and fucking and didn't wake up in time to catch her morning Bev Niner rerun on FX. And whose really nice boyfriend drove her to get her rush passport application out in time for her to go to Spain with her girlfriends for spring break...
# posted by Blogger Razzy : 11/15/2007 3:20 PM
 
Weight 110?

lmao.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11/29/2007 4:06 AM
 
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