Tuesday, November 06, 2007

 

Daily Douchebag: New York


Name: Tiffany "New York" Pollard

DOB: January 6, 1982

Occupation: reality ho, alleged former Newark, New Jersey stripper

Hometown: Utica, New York

Current residence: Los Angeles, California or wherever a trashtastic Vh1 reality dating competition is being filmed

Douchebaggery: While you know I've got love for New York, I was totally pissed last night when I saw that she denied this hot stud a chain and thus sent him packing:

NO! It's not like I expected New York to actually get with Midget Mac, but she could have kept him around for a few more episodes. New York even made out with him a little bit last night, and said that he was a good kisser in spite of having "a small mouth, small teeth, small tongue, and small head and face." She did express some concern that he was small in other areas, as well, but like that REALLY matters to New York. Prior to the sublime "I Love New York" New York was competing viciously for the heart of William "Flavor Flav" Drayton, who probably only just BARELY misses qualifying for midget designation. Anyone who watched either iteration of "Flavor of Love" can attest that if there's one thing about New York, she was seriously into Flav. Judging by the sounds emanating from Flav's room in the final couple of "Flavor of Love 2" episodes, she didn't mind at all having sex with a more petite--and presumably not what T-Pain would characterize as "swangin"--man. I suppose it is possible that Flav is disproportionately large in the manhood department, but I get a real small dick vibe from him, and thanks to years of skankity sluttery, my cock-dar is usually pretty on point.

I thought Midget Mac would have more of a chance, if only because he was hilarious and he had a badass attitude. Now we won't get to see more priceless commentary like "fuck all them supertall clowns," nor will we get to watch situations in which the producers force him to do challenging physical feats (ie: swimming with a leaky air mattress) that basically guarantee ensuing hilarity. At least Midget Mac isn't out of show business altogether. He's a hype man for rapper Young Cash, and assuming one of his tracks blows up, we can look forward to many more videos such as the one below for "Freeze" in which Midget Mac is running around in camouflage being the hot little piece that he is:



MORE MIDGET MAC! MORE MIDGET MAC!

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# posted by Razzy @ 8:10 AM
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