Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Maurice Morris
DOB: December 1, 1979
Occupation: Seattle Seahawks backup running back
Hometown: Chester, South Carolina
Current residence: Seattle, Washington
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: For starters, although he lost a fumble, Maurice Morris did great things for my Fantasy team last night. I picked up Maurice earlier in the season off the waiver wire and held onto him, because I had a feeling that Shaun Alexander's decline was going to become more precipitously obvious as the season went on, and it was only a matter of time before Jesus stopped smiling on him. Sure enough, Shaun's visits with Pat Robertson have been fruitless lately, because dude got injured. Although whether or not Alexander would play was a game-time decision, I took a chance and started Mo. This caused me great tredipation, as I was playing my friend Unicorn Dick this week, and he is one of the biggest shit-talkers in our league. Every week I get some sort of snarky email from him. This week he was actually singing the praises of his own quarterback ("Brett Favre....thirty-nine years young!"), but usually he likes to trash on the Seahawks. I feared that if Alexander did play, Unicorn Dick would be blowing up my inbox with e-mails along the lines of "Put Maurice in, Walrus!-Razzy" and things like that.
When I got to JerseyGirl's house for "I Love New York 2" and "The Hills" last night and forced the ladies to watch the Seahawks-Niners game during commercials (despite protests which were silenced when I retorted to JerseyGirl, "Never forget that you made me watch a fucking Yankees game once!"), I was relieved to see Alexander bundled up in his apostolic white Seahawks sweatsuit on the sidelines. Not only was Maurice Morris playing, he scored a touchdown and rushed for 87 yards. I not only smoked Unicorn Dick, but the Seahawks kicked some 49er ass and trounced them 24-0.
Oh, and even if he wasn't wearing the hallowed and much-beloved Seahawks uni and wasn't carrying Tha Razzies to Fantasy victory in the Columbia Ballers league, I'd hit Maurice Morris anyway because HE'S FUCKING FINE. He's got short hair, a handsome face, and one of those short little beard things that I like, and as a professional athlete, I'm sure his body is banging. Mo Morris could pretty much hit himself some Razzy whichever way he so desired. Hell, I'd grit my teeth and let him do me up the butt if he wanted. ON THE FIRST DATE ("date"=Razzy for "cross paths while drunk at a bar and stagger home together"). I've got mad love for Maurice.
Labels: Daily Dude I Want to Hit, Fantasia, hot dudes, JerseyGirl, NFL football
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