Friday, November 30, 2007

 

Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Raunie Amadon


Name: Raunie Amadon

DOB: 1983

Occupation: white trash, loyal smoker, matricidal lunatic

Hometown: Laconia, New Hampshire

Current residence: the Laconia jail

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I don't think I need a man as unstable as Raunie in my life, but I have to shake my head at criminal ridiculousness beyond that which is normal. Raunie decided that he was jonesing for a ciggie butt, and like all men in their early twenties with no job, he went right to his dear old mom to ask for some pocket money to buy a pack (of GPCs or Basics, no doubt). When his mom refused, either because she didn't want to or she couldn't afford a pack, he flew into a rage, grabbed a double-sided axe, and threatened to chop her ass up! That would be no small feat, considering that this is Raunie's mother:

Seriously, it's a good thing Raunie was arrested for criminal threatening before he had a chance to get his lumberjack on, because his mom would be the human equivalent of chopping up a giant sequoia. He'd be busy working on that all night; she's a big job. Plus, presumably being axe murdered would ruin her exquisite bangs, and that would be a tragedy. Luckily, she says that she doesn't consider Raunie to be a threat to her safety. All of us with a problematic relationship to the cancer sticks know that sometimes a nic-fit can make a bitch downright crazy, and seemingly all she needs to do to stay safe is hook Raunie up with a pack of fags. Cigarettes, I mean!

I just can't believe this didn't go down in Puyallup. I bet HotLawyer has had clients who've pulled this sort of nonsense before. He's had clients burn down their common law spouse's Dale Earnhardt shrines for revenge, so I wouldn't be shocked to learn that he's got clients who have threatened murder when deprived of nicotine. As he'd say, that's as American as methamphetamine. However, I bet HotLawyer does a better job of keeping his clients quiet during arraignment. Raunie here thought the charges were bullshit, and had to be dragged from the courtroom screaming AFTER the judge set a low bail at the prosecution's request. Raunie is crazy like a fox. He's going to plead insanity and walk. Trust.

And if you want to watch Raunie's hot ass in action, along with his bold mother's brave waddle from the courthouse, please enjoy the local New Hampshirean news coverage:


Now that's what I call a criminal mastermind.

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# posted by Razzy @ 9:18 AM
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