Friday, November 30, 2007
Next Halloween I'm going to scare the shit out of everyone
I have the perfect scary costume. Children will flee from me in terror. Men will feel their nuts shrivel in horror as I pass by. Women will burst into tears. The world will cry out in fear. I will set new standards for hideousness. Who will I be going as, you ask? This terrifying succubus:
Jenna Jameson has gone from being merely a cautionary tale about the dangers of excessive plastic surgery to looking like she should be leading hobbits up the Winding Staircase to the dread pass of Cirith Ungol while muttering, "We wants the precious, we wants it!" The only good surgery she had was getting her fake tits ripped out, but that's completely negated by the deforming hack job she's done to her face. Even worse, it seems she used Richie Rich, the ugly club kid twink above, as the model for all the work she had done. She must be seriously self-loathing to bring a picture of that asshole, who always looks like he just got done having a coked-up fairy puke sequins and santorum all over him, to her surgeon and be like, "make me in his image."
I know Jenna has "retired" from starring in porn, but quietly going in a different direction careerwise is one thing, and deforming yourself so severely that you exclude the possibility of ever working in an image-conscious business is another thing entirely. Eat some cheeseburgers and lay of the Restalyne, Jenna, because if, as you and Richie Rich are threatening, you open up a clothing store in Chinatown looking like that, people are going to think some type of monster is about to lay waste to the city. Stop the insanity, Jenna! Inspire masturbation, not Gollum quotes from Lord of the Rings!
I know Jenna has "retired" from starring in porn, but quietly going in a different direction careerwise is one thing, and deforming yourself so severely that you exclude the possibility of ever working in an image-conscious business is another thing entirely. Eat some cheeseburgers and lay of the Restalyne, Jenna, because if, as you and Richie Rich are threatening, you open up a clothing store in Chinatown looking like that, people are going to think some type of monster is about to lay waste to the city. Stop the insanity, Jenna! Inspire masturbation, not Gollum quotes from Lord of the Rings!
Labels: gross, Halloween, nerd alert, oh the horror, overcompensation, plastic surgery, porn, sluts, you're ugly
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Jesushfrigginchristonacrutch. This is some bad shit. It'll be hard for me to look at her former hotness now without remembering this photo and imagine what it would be like to fuck a vinyl blow-up doll stuffed with broken glass. Yeesh.
Ah well, she could pull off a realistic orgasm anyways.
Ah well, she could pull off a realistic orgasm anyways.
# posted by 
: 11/30/2007 12:52 PM
: 11/30/2007 12:52 PM
Crap, typed that wrong. She could NEVER pull off a realistic orgasm. Whimpers like she's getting a spinal tap. Not. Hot.
# posted by : 11/30/2007 12:57 PM
: 11/30/2007 12:57 PM
I thought this was Amanda Lepore when I first glimpsed at the picture while going down your page. Christ. Poor bitch.
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# posted by : 12/07/2007 1:19 PM
: 12/07/2007 1:19 PM Links to this post:
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