Thursday, December 20, 2007
Daily Douchebag: Casey Aldridge
DOB: sometime in 1988
Occupation: soon-to-be deadbeat teenage dad, huge fan of "Two-a-Days"
Hometown: CLEARLY somewhere in rural-ass Louisiana
Current residence: Kentwood, Louisiana
Douchebaggery: As usual, I've managed to become rapidly completely engrossed by the distinguished upper-crust family of aristocrats known as the Spears family. The latest news concerning those classy Spears ladies is that Casey Aldridge, Jamie-Lynn's sperminator, is out as quickly as he was in!
Apparently Jamie-Lynn dumped his ass and is excited to be a single working mom just like her big sis. Well, maybe not "working" since chances are "Zoey 101" isn't planning on having its eponymous character get knocked up in between bouts of giggling with her friends and liking cute boys (or whatever happens on that show...I don't watch that tween trash), but a single mom anyway. I have to say this was a good move on Jamie-Lynn's part for a few reasons.
For one thing, Casey started banging Jamie-Lynn when he was 16 and she was 13 when they met at church and he charmed her with his "Two-a-Days" hair (he wants to be Ross, Hoover Buccaneers quarterback, BAD). Gross! Apparently, he may now face statutory rape charges, although it better not be Team Spears filing them. I don't see how you can charge him when Jamie-Lynn's expert Christian mother signed off on them shacking up together when Jamie-Lynn was 14 or 15! Then again, didn't Casey have anything better to do than just impregnating his underaged common law wife? Like GO TO HIGH SCHOOL, for example? Shouldn't he have been taking his SATs or writing an essay on A Separate Peace or going to a Hoover Buccaneers pep rally or some normal 17-year-old activity rather than putting the final touches on his impeccably mussed hick bangs? Don't get me wrong, because I practice-fucked my lame boyfriend plenty of times in cars, parks, beaches, and friends' houses when I was that age, but I was too busy with other stuff (ie: AP tests, obsessing over my ability to play Chopin's repertoire of nocturnes as well as Artur Rubinstein, writing shiteous Sylvia Plath-influenced poetry, other egregious geekery) to think about cohabitating with his broke ass. Casey apparently doesn't have anything going on besides that, because Jamie-Lynn sent his ass packing on account of having no prospects and no maturity.
There is really nothing more humiliating than being dumped by your soon-to-be unemployed teenage baby mama for having no prospects. When you're too much of a useless loser for inbred PWT that emerged from the stagnant sewage puddle that is the Spears gene pool, you've got serious problems. Good luck with life, asshole.
Labels: Britney Spears, celebrities, Daily Douchebag, media whores, PWT
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