Friday, December 21, 2007
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Pitbull
Alias: Lil' Chico, Mr. 305
DOB: January 14, 1981
Occupation: rapper, hottest drunk driver of all time
Hometown: Miami, Florida
Current residence: Miami, Florida
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I've thought Pitbull was a pretty hot piece ever since he did that song with the Ying Yang Twins and exhorted everyone to "get crunk, get drunk, get loose, get blown", extolled his fondness for "swollen" breast, and repeatedly shouted "dale huevo" (nasty dude). As Michael K. of Dlisted notes, he's "hot in a douche sort of way. He would be the type of dude that keeps his boots on during sex because he thinks it's 'ghetto' or 'hardcore.'" So true.
Further validating Pitbull's hotness is the fact that he got pulled over going 93 mph in a 55 mph zone, and the cop suspected he was fucked up. He asked him to blow a breathalyzer, which he subsequently failed. When the cop went to arrest him, Pitbull waived his right to remain silent and advised the officer of his feelings on the matter: "This is a big waste of your time, papo."
SO AWESOME. If I ever get popped for DUI, right before I say, "I want my lawyer" I am going to say exactly that just to registed my opinion in the hottest manner possible. Unless I get pulled over by King County Sheriff's Deputy David Roscoe Hutchinson IV, in which case I'm going to be like, "Well, you busting me for DUI is certainly ironic given the number of times you've been swerving your fucking Jeep all over highway 18 coming home from the Muckleshoot Casino after losing your girlfriends' money during an epic booze and Texas Hold 'Em binge. You deserve to be the biggest cuckold in all of Puyallup, you fucking dickless tool. Now call HotLawyer."
Labels: alcoholism, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, driving, hot dudes, rap
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
