Monday, December 31, 2007

 

Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Taylor Swift


Name: Taylor Alison Swift

DOB: December 13, 1989

Occupation: country singer, barely legal object of fantasy, world class cocktease

Hometown: Wyomissing, Pennsylvania

Current residence: Nashville, Tennessee

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Well, I really don't care much about Taylor Swift. She's hot in a country singer kind of way, I guess, but she's got a little too much hair for my taste. Not that I wouldn't sit on her face if given the opportunity (now that she's just turned 18, don't call Chris Hansen), but I can imagine that chick is going to have a very short shelf life. For one thing, take a look at her mom:

In a few years, Taylor is going to fill out, and not in a good way. She already wears a little too much makeup for an 18-year-old, and I can't help but wonder if underneath all that foundation, she doesn't look totally different (and not better). However she ages, though, I will begrudgingly admit that Taylor has some hotness going on. Okay, she has a lot of hotness going on. Yeah, I'd hit that, even if in ten years she's going to be rolling around on the country circuit wearing some sort of Reba McEntire-esque sequined pantsuit as country singers tend to do as they age.

This whole post is actually just throwing a bone to my buddy HotLawyer, "bone" being the operative term because that's precisely what he wants to do to Taylor Swift. Badly. Yesterday, he was texting me about the Seahawks game that I couldn't watch on account of it not being on TV here in New York (and my not bothering to go to my usual football bar to watch every team play their second stringers in the last game of the NFL regular season), and all of a sudden I get a text from him that reads along the lines of "Taylor Swift is just so fuckable! I just saw her video." This makes me think that no matter how many times HotLawyer insists he prefers brunettes, it's all a front because the overwhelming evidence suggests that like any decent gentlemen, he prefers blondes. We have more fun, after all.

Taylor Swift is lucky that she's a talented songwriter (so the internets tell me...I don't listen to country music unless it's being performed by a certain awesome American flag-guitar-toting patriot/Ford truck spokesman named Toby Keith), because if she weren't in country music, she has would-be porn star written all over her. She even looks like a younger, fresher, less used Hannah Harper:

If Taylor weren't strumming her guitar and singing about her broken heart or falling in love or Tim McGraw or whatever types of Faith Hill-esque topics she covers in her lyrics, she'd be starring in some movie called "Taylor's First Gangbang," "Taylor Swift: Filthy Whore," "The Violation of Taylor Swift," or something similar. Her name sounds like it was made for porn. Like I said, it's lucky for her (not as lucky for HotLawyer and everyone else in the Taylor Swift lust club) that she can sing.

And on another note, who wants to put money on Taylor Swift being Tony Romo's next girlfriend? She's totally the type. I smell a pink Cowboys jersey in her future.

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# posted by Razzy @ 5:33 AM
Comments:
Thanks for the shout out, Razz. And also for the great scans of T.S. What the fuck, though, about the mom? Is that really her? Jeepers Creepers, to borrow from your esteemed colleague, Mr. McBride. (er, Dr. Mcbride).
# posted by Anonymous HotLawyer : 12/31/2007 12:36 PM
 
Yep, that is really her mom, Val. Val could use a session with Taylor's makeup artist, if you ask me. If I were you, I'd try to get with Taylor now, before she makes like me and becomes a haggard, badly aging debutante.
# posted by Blogger Razzy : 12/31/2007 12:40 PM
 
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