Thursday, December 20, 2007
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: YOU, if you're a computer nerd
DOB: your DOB!
Occupation: whatever it is, it involves proficiency at blog design and cascading style sheets
Hometown: wherever you're from!
Current residence: wherever you live, but preferably somewhere in the vicinity of NYC
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Last night, I was hanging out with my buddy Mullah AntoniHo. Well, actually, he doesn't want to be called that anymore for fear of being associated with Ahmadinejad who is getting too crazy for even his taste, so now he's going by TAFKAMA--The Artist Formerly Known as Mullah AntoniHo. Anyway, while we indulged in the nectar of the P-N-Dub (Vitamin R AKA tallboy cans of Rainier beer), TAFKAMA was telling me all about his job and how Amazon.com is recognizing his computer genius properly, and I took the opportunity to beg him for his help.
"Dude, I am so incompetent at webmastering, can you help me?"
"You just need a new layout. Your layout sucks," he said in his typical half-amused, half-scornful manner.
"It's because I suck at coding! I can barely wrap my mind around basic HTML!" I said. "And CSS KILLS me. I am so fucking bad at it, I just can't figure it out! It galls me to no end that when you go to the link for an individual entry, my 'RazzyBlog' header isn't there any more. Well, it's there, but it's the same color as the background. I have dicked around with everything in the template and can't change it."
"Yeah, and you should move your blog to your home page, too. All that stuff on there sucks," he added.
"I don't know how! HELP ME!"
I was praying that TAFKAMA would take pity and just fix my shit in like 30 seconds. As long as I've known him, he has been a computer whiz. When we were in high school, and the internets were still in their infancy, he always managed to find disgusting pictures of horse fellatio and other sick shit on Prodigy. I figured that he'd be able to at least tell me how to make the necessary changes, or point me to some nerd who could help.
Unfortunately, it turns out that being able to write crazy programs for Amazon's account management websites doesn't correspond with being able to make simple repairs to a computationally retarded slut's personal blog. TAFKAMA couldn't even tell me which variety of geek I should ask for at the Geek Squad or whatever to help me. He did, however, suggest something that might help.
"Um, hello, dumbass, you have fans on the internet. One of them can probably help you. Or can hook you up with someone who can."
"You think I should just beg shamelessly on my blog?"
"Yes. 'Daily Dude I Want to Hit: YOU, geeks!'"
I thought TAFKAMA might be onto something, so here it is: my shameless plea for help from those of you with competency with html and CSS, or those of you who know someone who might be. PLEASE help me. I am not above prostituting myself for technical support. Seriously, I will fuck your brains out if you can help me out. In fact, I'll blow you just for referring me to someone I can fuck for blog design help. And if you're not into me, I'll hook you up with someone you are into. JUST HELP ME, because currently my geek squad looks like that picture above, and that's working about as well as Chingy!'s diet. In other words, NOT AT ALL.
Seriously, HELP! HELP! HELP!
Labels: computer incompetence, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, internet domination, Mullah AntoniHo
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Sorry, I think I'm just as computer illiterate as you are, but I'm racking my brains and my roldex for someone who knows how to fix your problem. I'm really hoping to score that referral BJ from you.
JJ
JJ
# posted by 
: 12/20/2007 3:51 PM
: 12/20/2007 3:51 PM
Razz
Hope the search is going well. If not, I may be able to help you. I'm not a super coder like some people, but I have been around the interwebs a few times and I like to tinker. It's given me a bit of a nice basic knowlege of HTML and whatnot. Let me know what you're trying to do in an email, and I'll see if it's within my capabilities. And if not, I'll just go and buy myself a HTML/CSS for Dummies somewhere. If anything, I'll also ask around for you, since two people searching can get things done a lot faster than one.
Hope the search is going well. If not, I may be able to help you. I'm not a super coder like some people, but I have been around the interwebs a few times and I like to tinker. It's given me a bit of a nice basic knowlege of HTML and whatnot. Let me know what you're trying to do in an email, and I'll see if it's within my capabilities. And if not, I'll just go and buy myself a HTML/CSS for Dummies somewhere. If anything, I'll also ask around for you, since two people searching can get things done a lot faster than one.
Okay, LaminatedSamurai, holler at me at razzy@razzy.org.
We'll figure this out!
And many, many, many thanks!!!! You are rocketing up in my Razzyphile rankings.
PS-Do I know you already?
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We'll figure this out!
And many, many, many thanks!!!! You are rocketing up in my Razzyphile rankings.
PS-Do I know you already?
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