Monday, December 10, 2007
Help out with my strap-on
So this weekend was a pretty typical Razzy weekend. I did some drinking, went to mass (okay, that's not really very typical, but let's pretend for one second--without laughing--that I'm a good Catholic girl), and watched football all day on Sunday. Oh yeah, and I had hot lesbian sex!
Now everyone knows I am bisexual, but I'm definitely a 90/10 boy/girl split in terms of preference. I've slept with ten dudes for every one chick, and I am a big fan of weiners. If there was a penis fan club group on Facebook, I would assuredly join. In fact, there probably is, and I plan to look into that. However, just because I like boys better doesn't mean I'm going to pass when some hot chick wants to get it on. This past year, I've reconciled myself with the fact that casual lezzie sex can be just as fun as casual breeder sex, as it's not all the boobmashing, processing, and Dar Williams-listening that I came to associate with it when I was at Smith. There are actually bitches out there who just want to fuck and have fun and not live up to the old "What does a lesbian bring on a first date? A U-Haul with all her shit in it" cliche that I previously associated with girl-girl action. In that spirit, I decided to fully invest in having hot Sapphic misadventures and went out and bought some lesbian sex gear.
Since most of my hooking up is done with boys, I hadn't really had an opportunity to use my strap-on, other than walking around my apartment wearing it and looking in a mirror and thinking that having a penis would be totally hilarious and fun. I would tell everyone to blow me, all the time. For those of you who are like some Razzy with your masturbation, here I am striking one of the"suck my fake dick, bitch" poses I amuse myself with:
Anyway, this weekend I was getting hot and heavy with this girl and decided to put my strap-on to better use than just running around being immature about it. So I cinched up my harness and was prepared to have this bitch love my doggystyle. However, I quickly realized that this looks a lot easier in porn movies than it is in real life. I realized that, although this girl is taller than me, my thighs were a lot longer than hers. Thus when I was on my knees behind her, my fake dick was way above her vagina. It was a comedy of errors trying to get us both in a position where I could actually fuck her and get some kind of rhythm going. Having always been on the receiving end of doggystyle sex, I didn't realize what a hassle it is for the person doing the penetrating. In the end I got the job done, but I couldn't help be horrified at how much practice I need to become truly proficient at hitting that shit from the back with a strap-on.
On the numerous occasions when I have been the recipient of sex in this position, I have never had a dude indicate that he was having problems with angles but this must be a problem guys have to contend with. I tend to like tall guys, so obviously their thighs must be much longer than mine and they must have to do some rearranging to achieve the right angle. However, I can't think of one who had much trouble making it work. So, I need some help from all you wise perverts out there. How do guys solve this problem? Is the issue that my strap-on, although somewhat flexible, has less of a range of motion than a real cock? Or is there some trick that guys know to overcome this? Or am I woefully ignorant to the point where I probably don't even deserve to wield a fake schlong?
So, dudes and advanced lesbians, please leave me some comments and help a skank out. It's embarrassing for an accomplished slut like myself to have problems achieving sexual positions, so I need to correct this ASAP before I try to bang another broad and look like a clumsy amateur. I am yours to instruct, so comment away.
Now everyone knows I am bisexual, but I'm definitely a 90/10 boy/girl split in terms of preference. I've slept with ten dudes for every one chick, and I am a big fan of weiners. If there was a penis fan club group on Facebook, I would assuredly join. In fact, there probably is, and I plan to look into that. However, just because I like boys better doesn't mean I'm going to pass when some hot chick wants to get it on. This past year, I've reconciled myself with the fact that casual lezzie sex can be just as fun as casual breeder sex, as it's not all the boobmashing, processing, and Dar Williams-listening that I came to associate with it when I was at Smith. There are actually bitches out there who just want to fuck and have fun and not live up to the old "What does a lesbian bring on a first date? A U-Haul with all her shit in it" cliche that I previously associated with girl-girl action. In that spirit, I decided to fully invest in having hot Sapphic misadventures and went out and bought some lesbian sex gear.
Since most of my hooking up is done with boys, I hadn't really had an opportunity to use my strap-on, other than walking around my apartment wearing it and looking in a mirror and thinking that having a penis would be totally hilarious and fun. I would tell everyone to blow me, all the time. For those of you who are like some Razzy with your masturbation, here I am striking one of the"suck my fake dick, bitch" poses I amuse myself with:
Anyway, this weekend I was getting hot and heavy with this girl and decided to put my strap-on to better use than just running around being immature about it. So I cinched up my harness and was prepared to have this bitch love my doggystyle. However, I quickly realized that this looks a lot easier in porn movies than it is in real life. I realized that, although this girl is taller than me, my thighs were a lot longer than hers. Thus when I was on my knees behind her, my fake dick was way above her vagina. It was a comedy of errors trying to get us both in a position where I could actually fuck her and get some kind of rhythm going. Having always been on the receiving end of doggystyle sex, I didn't realize what a hassle it is for the person doing the penetrating. In the end I got the job done, but I couldn't help be horrified at how much practice I need to become truly proficient at hitting that shit from the back with a strap-on.
On the numerous occasions when I have been the recipient of sex in this position, I have never had a dude indicate that he was having problems with angles but this must be a problem guys have to contend with. I tend to like tall guys, so obviously their thighs must be much longer than mine and they must have to do some rearranging to achieve the right angle. However, I can't think of one who had much trouble making it work. So, I need some help from all you wise perverts out there. How do guys solve this problem? Is the issue that my strap-on, although somewhat flexible, has less of a range of motion than a real cock? Or is there some trick that guys know to overcome this? Or am I woefully ignorant to the point where I probably don't even deserve to wield a fake schlong?
So, dudes and advanced lesbians, please leave me some comments and help a skank out. It's embarrassing for an accomplished slut like myself to have problems achieving sexual positions, so I need to correct this ASAP before I try to bang another broad and look like a clumsy amateur. I am yours to instruct, so comment away.
Labels: lezbollah, nudity, perversion, Razzification, sex, sluts, weiners
Comments:
Links to this post:
<< Home
try lifting her ass up next time, or have her prop herself up. that works for me.
# posted by 
: 12/10/2007 10:49 AM
: 12/10/2007 10:49 AM
Be happy to show you - it's probably easier to show than to write out.
BTW - thanks for the pic. Extremely nice!
BTW - thanks for the pic. Extremely nice!
# posted by : 12/10/2007 11:24 AM
: 12/10/2007 11:24 AM
There are a variety of ways to make this easier. I am surprised that you never asked one of your many lesbian or bi pals how to do it with a strap-on. Maybe a strap-on is different but the lifting the ass definetly helps. Also bending her over a piece of furniture can work. A well placed pillow under her knees is a good option. Wow, I can only imagine how tough anal with a strap-on would be with those circumstances.
# posted by : 12/10/2007 11:58 AM
: 12/10/2007 11:58 AM
Oh, I asked KatieScarlett on Saturday, and do you know what she said?
"Doggystyle! That's like the hardest position in the world!"
Apparently even professional lesbians have trouble with this.
And I'm not even attempting anal until I get this worked out.
"Doggystyle! That's like the hardest position in the world!"
Apparently even professional lesbians have trouble with this.
And I'm not even attempting anal until I get this worked out.
It is at times difficult, but the 'recipient ' is the one who needs to do the adjusting. Spreading the legs at the thigh/hip (if on all fours) for lowering into position etc...
The 'giver' needs to be the most comfortable. Having a good stroke and fluid motion uses less energy and is much more beneficial to the team. Scrumpin in some f'd up contorted position sweating you ass off is too much work, I would rather go to the pub.
Cheers,
p.s.- A beer at 7am is a jolt of energy. Nothing like the burning of cold hops down the gullet before you brush your teeth.
The 'giver' needs to be the most comfortable. Having a good stroke and fluid motion uses less energy and is much more beneficial to the team. Scrumpin in some f'd up contorted position sweating you ass off is too much work, I would rather go to the pub.
Cheers,
p.s.- A beer at 7am is a jolt of energy. Nothing like the burning of cold hops down the gullet before you brush your teeth.
Clutzy or not you look fucking hot doing it. You can improve your technique with any of the methods listed here by getting in some practice which I bet you won't mind at all, but there's not much you can do to improve upon those boobs of yours. Nice, nice rack.
# posted by : 12/10/2007 2:27 PM
: 12/10/2007 2:27 PM
Have that girl stick her face in the pillows. There's a reason why the term pillow biter came into vogue. It works.
# posted by : 12/11/2007 8:43 PM
: 12/11/2007 8:43 PM
remember when hitting it from the back that you need not always have your knees inside or outside hers. when your knees are outside hers, her vagina is slightly more tightly compressed as her legs are together. makes no difference for the strap-on wearer obviously, but for everyone else it does. also, you will be entering from a lower angle when hitting it with your knees outside hers.
the inverse applies here: when hitting it with your knees inside hers, her legs are spread allowing for slightly easier penetration. also, you will be hitting it from a higher angle when her legs are slightly splayed.
finally, if none of this works, fuck her from behind with her flat on her stomach while reaching around with your hand (imagine fondling your balls through her legs) to aid penetration and stimulate the clit. while a little challenging at first, it works like a charm because of the tight vaginal compression, clit stimulation and, if you work it a bit, G-spot rubbing all at the same time. AND, you don't have to worry about who is taller.
the inverse applies here: when hitting it with your knees inside hers, her legs are spread allowing for slightly easier penetration. also, you will be hitting it from a higher angle when her legs are slightly splayed.
finally, if none of this works, fuck her from behind with her flat on her stomach while reaching around with your hand (imagine fondling your balls through her legs) to aid penetration and stimulate the clit. while a little challenging at first, it works like a charm because of the tight vaginal compression, clit stimulation and, if you work it a bit, G-spot rubbing all at the same time. AND, you don't have to worry about who is taller.
# posted by : 12/12/2007 1:51 PM
: 12/12/2007 1:51 PM
FUCK!!! IS THERE A SINGLE ASSHOLE ON THIS SITE THAT KNOWS HOW TO FUCK A BROAD DOGGYSTYLE?
That last answer sounded like something some mutherfucker read out of a book.
Shut up and listen.
Razzy, it's a subtle thing and a difficult issue (for most), but i'm glad you brought this subject to light. Doggystyle is like playing basketball. A lot of people like to play the sport, but not many can actually make it to the NBA. And don't be fooled. To get the best doggy you can get, you need an NBA'er.
First of all, don't take it personally. You're not the first person nor will you be the last who failed at giving a honey the sweet dick from the back. If she's shorter than you are, then it's kinda tough! You need to place your legs outside of hers, slide your knees waaaay open, have the STRENGTH TO HOLD IT THERE, and still have the STRENGTH to slam the pussy until she's silly in the face. You can't use your hands for support either, if you really wanna give good doggy. You gotta be on your knees and leaned back so you can really work your girl.
If she's taller than you, then you've gotta give it to her in the froggy position or go "weightless." Weightless is when (listen carefully, you fucktards) you get in the pussy from a crouched position and take your legs off the bed...that's right...let her frame (ass in the air) support your full weight and slam the pussy hard. Some of you are wondering how can you slam the pussy if your suspended in the air, feet and hands not touching the ground? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out after I've properly fucked your girlfriends.
For fucks sake!
Being weightless is tough for most women to receive as you can imagine. But if she throws her back out or pops a disc, then she was probably UNDESERVING in the first fucking place!
Most importantly is this though: every guy on the planet likes to give it doggy...which is completely irrational. For proper doggy, you need a nice long package (or strap-on), strong legs, and a strong back which some guys have and some guys don't. Most guys have one or the other, and they shouldn't be trying it either. Some other things to consider is this: If you lay your girl flat on the bed and work her from behind then that's NOT considered doggy. She's needs to be on her knees so you can truly fuck her like a domesticated animal.
As for your predicament, I'd recommend standing. You've probably got the leg strength but if since she's taller than you then you're gonna need a LOT of strength in your lower back to push yourself up off the bed AND slam the pussy with force. Froggy and being weightless aren't easy either. Both require some experience. So. Just pull your couch out from wall (yes, you pussies try moving some furniture around) and have her lean over the back or over the armrest, whichever let's her rest comfortably and at the right height for you to get a good stroke. Enjoy.
Post a Comment
That last answer sounded like something some mutherfucker read out of a book.
Shut up and listen.
Razzy, it's a subtle thing and a difficult issue (for most), but i'm glad you brought this subject to light. Doggystyle is like playing basketball. A lot of people like to play the sport, but not many can actually make it to the NBA. And don't be fooled. To get the best doggy you can get, you need an NBA'er.
First of all, don't take it personally. You're not the first person nor will you be the last who failed at giving a honey the sweet dick from the back. If she's shorter than you are, then it's kinda tough! You need to place your legs outside of hers, slide your knees waaaay open, have the STRENGTH TO HOLD IT THERE, and still have the STRENGTH to slam the pussy until she's silly in the face. You can't use your hands for support either, if you really wanna give good doggy. You gotta be on your knees and leaned back so you can really work your girl.
If she's taller than you, then you've gotta give it to her in the froggy position or go "weightless." Weightless is when (listen carefully, you fucktards) you get in the pussy from a crouched position and take your legs off the bed...that's right...let her frame (ass in the air) support your full weight and slam the pussy hard. Some of you are wondering how can you slam the pussy if your suspended in the air, feet and hands not touching the ground? Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out after I've properly fucked your girlfriends.
For fucks sake!
Being weightless is tough for most women to receive as you can imagine. But if she throws her back out or pops a disc, then she was probably UNDESERVING in the first fucking place!
Most importantly is this though: every guy on the planet likes to give it doggy...which is completely irrational. For proper doggy, you need a nice long package (or strap-on), strong legs, and a strong back which some guys have and some guys don't. Most guys have one or the other, and they shouldn't be trying it either. Some other things to consider is this: If you lay your girl flat on the bed and work her from behind then that's NOT considered doggy. She's needs to be on her knees so you can truly fuck her like a domesticated animal.
As for your predicament, I'd recommend standing. You've probably got the leg strength but if since she's taller than you then you're gonna need a LOT of strength in your lower back to push yourself up off the bed AND slam the pussy with force. Froggy and being weightless aren't easy either. Both require some experience. So. Just pull your couch out from wall (yes, you pussies try moving some furniture around) and have her lean over the back or over the armrest, whichever let's her rest comfortably and at the right height for you to get a good stroke. Enjoy.
# posted by : 1/09/2008 7:05 AM
: 1/09/2008 7:05 AM Links to this post:
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
