Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Daily Douchebag: anonymous commenter on my Shelley Lubben post from last year
DOB: anonymous
Occupation: anonymous
Hometown: anonymous
Current residence: anonymous
Douchebaggery: Normally, I don't feel the need to respond to many of the comments that get posted on my site. Even if people disagree with me or have critical things to say about me, I feel that it's only fair they get a chance to do so. After all, I'm being a blowhard asshole with strong opinions regularly on my blog, so it's fine for blowhard assholes with other perspectives to supplement my content with their point of view. Besides, I like hearing what other people have to say, and I like knowing that the work I've put into writing this is worth it, because my readers are responding to it. I also like some of the amusing insults haters have slung ("I hope you get herrpes, you hore", "always the cum dumpster, never the bride"), as they amuse me.
That said, I sometimes do feel the need to respond, usually with another comment. Occasionally, however, I feel the need to respond to criticism with a separate post, which is exactly what I am doing today. There's no reason for me to write a novel in a comment post, and since I am not particularly economical when it comes to word usage, I might as well just devote an entire post to it. Besides, since the particular comment I'm about to go off on was written last September, chances are that nobody would even notice the comment or my response to it. The comment in question just annoyed the hell out of me, and I didn't really want to let it slide into archival oblivion.
Yesterday, someone read the post I wrote douchebagging Shelley Lubben last September. Shelley Lubben is a former porn star and prostitute who found the Lord CHEESE-sauce CHRAST, and is now aggressively trying to convert current porn stars to her brand of Christianity. I took issue with some of Shelley's tactics, such as sending a sweet, sympathetic e-mail to porn star Taryn Thomas, and then, when Shelley's offer of salvation was politely declined, got ugly and threatened to start telling tales of Taryn's alleged drug use on set. I specifically mentioned that I didn't like Shelley's display of her Christian beliefs, because I doubted that Jesus "would would not choose to demonstrate compassion by responding to challenges with veiled threats of public humiliation, petty personal attacks, or a sickening sense of self-righteousness." I also added that if I ran into Shelley, I would "flash my tits at her and tell her personally what a fucking asshole I think she is. And then I'll pray for her sorry, twisted soul."
A number of Shelley's friends over the months since I wrote that have apparently stumbled upon it by Googling Shelley Lubben, and left a number of comments stating that I'm not a Christian because I'm obviously depraved, living in a fantasy land, a porn addict, full of hate, etc. I ignored all of those, because unlike Shelley and her flock, I don't feel the need to trumpet what a fabulous fucking person I am from a morally righteous perspective. Contrary to what people might think, I am actually a very moral person. For one thing, if premarital sex and getting some hot same-sex action is hellworthy, then the majority of the world should brace themselves for eternal damnation. I might have different morals than people who always talk about "morality"--for example, threesomes are just fine by me but lying to people is absolutely not--but I have morals nonetheless. That's why the most recent comment, which was left yesterday, galled me.
I haven't met any "Christians" that flash their tits and then pray. Anyone can write a blog. What have you done to help people? I am just curious.Well, I guess then you haven't met me. I do pray, and I believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, that he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered, died, and was buried, and that he rose again in three days in fulfillment of the scriptures. That, and all the other stuff in the Nicene Creed. I also flash my tits, and fuck girls, and fuck boys, and fuck girls and boys at the same time, and I've taped that, and I've had an abortion, and I've done a lot of other sinful things that I regret to varying degrees (ZERO regret for the sex to a bottomless well of regret about the abortion). But I believe in Jesus, and I pray for a lot of things, including forgiveness, both for myself and others. However, I don't think that just because I am a Christian it means I need to run around telling everyone else how to follow my lead in that respect, and I resent Christians like Shelley Lubben who do.
Posted by Anonymous to RazzyBlog at 1/15/2008 4:51 PM
I have this attitude about preachy Christians because JESUS had that attitude about sanctimonious dicks. Here's an excerpt from what JC himself had to say on the subject (from the King James Bible, because I am a sucker for all the "thees" and "thous" and "beholdests" that it uses liberally):
"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5).Jesus Christ himself thought people like Shelley Lubben were fucking assholes for taking it upon themselves to decide who is right with upper management and who isn't. Maybe Shelley thinks that she took the "beam" (and by the way, ouch!) from her own eye when she quit meth and porn and is now free to run around removing other people's "motes," but I don't see how this is very righteous considering that when compassion fails, she resorts to harsh judgment and threats.
I also don't see how flashing my tits has anything to do with whether or not I am a Christian, whether or not I have a blog, or whether or not I've done anything for anybody. I don't recall Jesus saying anything about being naked or keeping your girls under wraps. I know that St. Paul was pretty specific on the subject, but he also said that women needed to be docile and subservient, and thus I take his opinions with a grain of salt. Jesus had women disciples who were prostitutes, unmarried, or otherwise living in a state of sinfulness, and he never acted like they were subservient to him, excepting one time when a broad volunteered to give him antiquity's version of a spa pedicure. I don't see how exposing my breasts is a great act of sin, unless you subscribe to the old Biblical view that women are the sneaky, paradise-ruining harbingers of perdition thanks to that bitch Eve's gullibility. And while I'm on the topic of nudity and the Genesis narrative, the fundamentalist Christians will surely recall that prior to Eve's hankering for that fateful apple, she and Adam were running around Eden butt naked. Only when original sin was conceived did they reach for the fig leaves, so one could argue that God initially intended for us to run around naked, and that clothes are the byproduct of man's sinful nature. Thus, I stand good with God in my tit-flashing practices, and as of yet, I have not been smote down for having the audacity to pray while doing so.
As for what I've done for humanity that enables me to call myself a Christian, I wouldn't count this blog as a great service to mankind. I'm glad that I amuse, entertain, and generally provide diversions to my beloved Razzyphiles. However, I don't think that reading RAZZY.org has changed anyone's life monumentally, and I don't think that Jesus gives a fuck one way or the other that I write about useless bullshit on the internets. I like to think that I live a Christian lifestyle by being compassionate (I'm actually MUCH nicer in real life than this blog might lead you to believe), by trying to be kind to people I meet in real life, and by trying to be the best person I can. I also went into the biomedical sciences so that I could improve people's lives via my work. In addition to being fascinated by their replication cycles, infectious diseases like the viruses I love and hate cause huge problems in the world and have since the origin of life. I decided to become a Ph.ake doctor specializing in this field because I thought that understanding these plagues that ravage our species might do some good as far as ameliorating the suffering, war, and poverty associated with them. I also dabble in some community service-type stuff, but I don't like to go into it, because it's fucking tacky to brag about volunteer work. If you want to do something selfless, then it's not something you should tell everyone about so you can seem like a fabulous person. You should do it just to give of yourself and ask for nothing in return, including kudos. I resent this commenter's demand that I regale them with a description of what I do to give back to the community so that I can meet their standards for what a good Christian should be, and only then have the credibility to criticize Shelley Lubben's hypocrisy. I dislike talking about myself like I'm some sort of great human being when I know that EVERY good Christian should: that I am a sinner with a LOT of problems, and I could always do more and be a better person. I don't need to be on a moral or spiritual high ground when observing that her tendency to viciously judge those people she is condescending to "help" directly contradicts the teachings of Jesus Christ, and I'm not saying that my faith or practice of Christianity is superior to Shelley's. I would be greatly remiss telling anyone that I am a better Christian than them, because how the hell do I know that? Unless Jesus cares to chime in directly, that's not a question any lowly sinner can answer. If going to church more regularly than I do makes Shelley Lubben a better Christian than myself, I'm content letting JC himself tell me so.
What I think really bothers me about this commenter is that they are insinuating that, because I have done debatably sinful things like expose my breasts, I am not a Christian. Everyone is a sinner, so why am I not a Christian just because I wear my sins on my sleeve? And why are my prayers less substantial than Shelley's as a result? Sure, I'm mean to people on my blog, but so is Shelley. At least I admit it rather than justifying it with a bunch of patronizing "hate the sin, love the sinner" bullshit. I don't think that being holier-than-thou or preachy about my faith improves my standing with the Lord, and I'd rather cloister my ass in a convent than alienate myself from my fellow man and only be accepted among like-minded Bible-thumping assholes by behaving in such a way. Besides, Jesus wasn't a dick, and he loved everyone. Even though I know I fail miserably at this quite a bit, at least I can aspire to be the same way, which is more than I can say for Shelley Lubben. She talks a good game, but the manner in which she conducts her ministry says otherwise, and I don't think that being entitled to that opinion when I'm a "worse" Christian than her is wrong. My opinion on someone else's actions doesn't make me better than her, but it also doesn't negate my faith or my ability to call myself a "Christian."
So for those of you who want to question whether or not I'm credible as a Christian, you can decide for yourself. I don't know what Jesus thinks about my flashing my tits and then praying, or whether I have done enough to help people. I like to think he thinks that tits/prayer combo rocks, and that I could always do more to help people, but at least I'm trying. I haven't been excommunicated yet (although given Benedixteen's attitudes, it may be only a matter of time), and I really do make an effort to be consistent in my faith and live a life according to my conscience. That's got to count for something. The next time someone wants to tell me how much I suck at overt piety, maybe they should worry about their own eye-beam or whatever.
Labels: correspondence, Daily Douchebag, Dear God, porn, Razzy Haters
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Thanks for letting us know about your volunteer work. That wasn't tacky at all! I'm so glad those "disadvantaged" kids can be of use to you when you feel the need to defend yourself in such an eloquent and nonjudgmental manner.
# posted by 
: 1/16/2008 10:34 AM
: 1/16/2008 10:34 AM
I only wrote about that in response to the query "What have you done to help people?"
I haven't written about that before, and I don't plan to do so again.
And I'm only claiming to be nonjudgmental with regards to people's personal faith.
I haven't written about that before, and I don't plan to do so again.
And I'm only claiming to be nonjudgmental with regards to people's personal faith.
You do not need and fucking religion of any kind, whether it be that lying Jesus fairy tale shit of Christianity or anything else to be a good person. That shit comes from inside you, not from some fucked up set of beliefs that someone else insists are true and if you have what it takes, you can easily do it.
Religion is just a way for others to control people and shit and to set them against others so that they may profit handsomely from it. Nobody needs that shit, they are just told that they do in a very draconian way, and they believe that bullshit.
Anyone with a brain or that does not chain smoke PCP can see that a lot of what is in these blog posts at this site is a put on. No chick that is in a meaningful field like the sciences and has the intelligence and expansive vocabulary that Razzy has could really be what she pretends to be here and still be able to have a life like that, so these people that think otherwise are on a bad trip for life and need to be immediatley discounted.
Religion is just a way for others to control people and shit and to set them against others so that they may profit handsomely from it. Nobody needs that shit, they are just told that they do in a very draconian way, and they believe that bullshit.
Anyone with a brain or that does not chain smoke PCP can see that a lot of what is in these blog posts at this site is a put on. No chick that is in a meaningful field like the sciences and has the intelligence and expansive vocabulary that Razzy has could really be what she pretends to be here and still be able to have a life like that, so these people that think otherwise are on a bad trip for life and need to be immediatley discounted.
That's great! I was just curious to see what you had done to help others that's all, and now you have proved that you HAVE helped people in the past and I think that's awesome. As for you flashing your tits and being a "Christian" that's between you and God. I could care less what you do with your boobs. I know Jesus loves you no matter what. I just thought it was funny that's all. Usually, that's more of a Pagan thing. I could be wrong though.
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# posted by : 1/26/2008 4:21 PM
: 1/26/2008 4:21 PM Links to this post:
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