Thursday, January 17, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Adnan Ghalib
DOB: 1972
Occupation: gold digger, paparazzo
Hometown: England?
Current residence: Malibu, California or whatever hotel the legendary Ms. Britney Spears has checked into tonight
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Adnan is living the American dream. After toiling for months as a paparazzo for the FinalPixx agency, he managed to really snare his quarry: Britney Spears. Brit-Brit took a shine to Adnan's (slightly gay) swarthy hotness and suddenly the hunter has become the hunted. Adnan can now usually be seen trying to avoid his former colleagues with Britney as they do the usual white trash publicity circuit: Chevron stations, Starbucks, and various Los Angeles-area parking lots. To show her devotion to her new man, Britney has even adopted a faux British accent, taken Adnan Mercedes shopping, and supposedly bought a pregnancy test on her and Adnan's last romantic date at a 24 hour Rite Aid store. Even better for Adnan, rumor has it that Britney wants to convert to Islam so that she and Adnan can get married, because undoubtedly Adnan is devout in his faith and only will marry a good Muslim girl. One of my friends recently sent me an e-mail commenting on Adnan's reversal of life roles, and I must say that I agree with his sentiments on the subject:
I really admire the paparazzi guy that's banging Britney Spears. More people should be talking about him -- turning from one of the people with a camera shooting Britney Spears to being shot with Britney Spears. Only in America.True that. I replied that Britney should marry him only to have her last name be "Ghraib" which I mistakenly thought was Adnan's last name until this morning when I was researching him for this post. I wish it was, because if Brit-Brit married him then her name would invoke pleasant memories of things like human rights violations and wartime prison torture by barely literate white trash. Actually, Britney isn't too far removed from PFC Lynndie England. I wouldn't be surprised if they turned out to be country cousins. It's not a stretch to imagine Britney getting up to some Geneva Convention-violating sexual humiliation:
Anyway, Adnan is making the greatest business decision of his life by sticking his dick into that nest of fake hair and french fry grease, because you know Britney's not in any kind of pre-nup signing mood. She hates legal proceedings if her custody hearings are any indication, so chances are, as soon as his divorce is finalized and he makes an honest woman out of Britney, he'll be entitled to 50%. He's just got to tough it out for a little while longer, and he's got it made. Of course, by the time Britney's done buying Slim Jims, Marb Lights, and Frappuccinos, that might be only a couple hundred grand, but still. He'll probably get a book deal and will be able to afford many more effeminate faux Pashmina scarves to keep his swarthy neck warm during late-night drug store runs. Adnan should go on Donny Deutsch's show and tell us all his brilliant entrepreneurial secrets, because his business acumen is beyond reproach.
I'd hit that, after Adnan breaks Britney's heart, cashes out, and completes his regimen of antibiotics and delousing agents. He's a hot piece.
Labels: Britney Spears, capitalism, celebrities, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, hot dudes, PWT
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