Thursday, January 03, 2008
Today in important civil court news
You want to know who is the most ungrateful bastard on the planet? Take a gander (and note the herpes sore on his upper lip in the picture on the left...from sucking the d!):
Shaffer "Ne-Yo" Smith is his name, and bitchy lawsuits are his game. The Smoking Gun is reporting that Ne-Yo filed a stupid lawsuit against the tour promoters for The World's Greatest, AKA The Pied Piper of R&B AKA The R-Uh in R&B AKA The King of R&B AKA The Champ AKA Kells AKA who my friend Morrissey'sHair calls "The Morrissey of R&B" (the highest compliment he can pay) AKA MY BOYFRIEND ROBERT SYLVESTER KELLY. Ne-Yo was supposed to be an opening act on R. Kelly's Double Up Tour, along with Keyshia Cole and J. "I'm-a Put You to Bed" Holiday, but got canned after a couple of shows due to some kind of undisclosed "contract dispute." This was before the date for the show LL Cool Jew and I went to see at the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum. When I heard that news, I was like, "Awesome. One less opening act to delay the awesomeness that is Kells."
Besides, I don't think Ne-Yo is that great. That "Sexy Love" song he had out in 2006 was so annoying to me that I would literally become apoplectic with rage every time it came on Hot97 or Power105, and THEN I'd had enough of Ne-Yo. In fact, every time his name comes up, my friend J-Sexy likes to start singing "Sex-ay Loooooove" at me just to stoke the flames of my ire, even though in her opinion, "That 'Sexy Love' song is exactly why I think R&B is completely ridicolos" and "Ne-Yo looks a little gay...mmm hmm...yes, he is in the closet." I also despised--and I mean LOATHED to the core of my being--that song about how cute his girlfriend is when she's mad. "So Sick," Ne-Yo's biggest hit to date, describes how I feel when aurally confronted with any of his music. Ne-Yo's songs since have been tolerable only because they have all been collaborations with artists I like (namely, T-Pain, who is giving Kells a run for his money as the most absurdly awesome singer on the modern R&B scene.)
Anyway, Ne-Yo's frivolous lawsuit is saying that he didn't leave the tour because of a contract dispute, but because he outshone Kells and thus had to be dropped. He claims he was booted because "the audience's and critics' more favorable reaction to Smith than the reaction to R. Kelly." I'm calling BULLSHIT on that, and here's why.
I actually saw a show on the Double Up Tour, and I can say without a doubt that it was one of the greatest nights of my life. It was like a fucking religious experience, and it was quite clear that the vast majority of the audience shared my sentiments.
Furthermore, although Ne-Yo was off the tour bill when I saw the show I was blessed enough to attend, I doubt Kells would have been jealous regardless of the audience reaction. For one thing, the audience went absolutely nuts when Keyshia Cole performed, and as far as I know, she's still employed by Rowe Promotions. For another, R. Kelly isn't going to dump an act that makes his tour MORE successful. If Ne-Yo was doing such a great job, then why would he can someone who would help sell more tickets? Kells is trying to make money with which to buy new silver 'Llac jeeps to park out at his beach home, not decrease tour profits by firing awesome opening acts guaranteed to draw people in.
Finally, there is a reason why R. Kelly has been producing hit albums and continues to be the biggest name in R&B for SEVENTEEN YEARS (practically Ne-Yo's entire lifetime): he is an amazing performer. R. Kelly performed for two and a half hours straight with NO lip synching and his voice was perfect, he was hilarious, and the crowd was whipped into a frenzy of Kells adoration. Everyone was TREMENDOUSLY entertained. Nobody left the show early. When the show finally ended, EVERYONE I saw were in the same afterglowy state of heightened pleasure and happiness that LL Cool Jew and myself were experiencing. I doubt that however fucking good Ne-Yo's live "Sexy Love" performance was, thirty minutes of him could eclipse the veritable juggernaut of orgasmic, mind-blowing awesomeness that Kells brought to the stage. Ne-Yo wishes.
What I think happened is that Ne-Yo wanted more money when he got favorable reviews, the tour promoters were like, "Tough, bitch, you signed a contract saying you get $750K or whatever and to quote Kells, that's that shit." Ne-Yo either left or got himself fired by being a diva, and the Double Up tour went on to great success without him. Still, as R. Kelly notes in "Feelin' On Yo Booty" (most sagaciously, I might add), "haters they want to hate, and ballers they want to ball." Ne-Yo is hate, while Kells continues to ball. And if he can beat fourteen counts of child porn charges this May (which he will--trust), he can destroy Ne-Yo's piddly little bitch of a lawsuit with naught but a dismissive gesturing of the international sign for jerk-off. The only thing Ne-Yo is good at is annoying me and cluttering up the Los Angeles Civil Court calendar with his pathetic attempts at recouping a paycheck he lost for being a dumbass with delusions of grandeur.
Robert Sylvester Kelly wins again and as usual!
Besides, I don't think Ne-Yo is that great. That "Sexy Love" song he had out in 2006 was so annoying to me that I would literally become apoplectic with rage every time it came on Hot97 or Power105, and THEN I'd had enough of Ne-Yo. In fact, every time his name comes up, my friend J-Sexy likes to start singing "Sex-ay Loooooove" at me just to stoke the flames of my ire, even though in her opinion, "That 'Sexy Love' song is exactly why I think R&B is completely ridicolos" and "Ne-Yo looks a little gay...mmm hmm...yes, he is in the closet." I also despised--and I mean LOATHED to the core of my being--that song about how cute his girlfriend is when she's mad. "So Sick," Ne-Yo's biggest hit to date, describes how I feel when aurally confronted with any of his music. Ne-Yo's songs since have been tolerable only because they have all been collaborations with artists I like (namely, T-Pain, who is giving Kells a run for his money as the most absurdly awesome singer on the modern R&B scene.)
Anyway, Ne-Yo's frivolous lawsuit is saying that he didn't leave the tour because of a contract dispute, but because he outshone Kells and thus had to be dropped. He claims he was booted because "the audience's and critics' more favorable reaction to Smith than the reaction to R. Kelly." I'm calling BULLSHIT on that, and here's why.
I actually saw a show on the Double Up Tour, and I can say without a doubt that it was one of the greatest nights of my life. It was like a fucking religious experience, and it was quite clear that the vast majority of the audience shared my sentiments.
Furthermore, although Ne-Yo was off the tour bill when I saw the show I was blessed enough to attend, I doubt Kells would have been jealous regardless of the audience reaction. For one thing, the audience went absolutely nuts when Keyshia Cole performed, and as far as I know, she's still employed by Rowe Promotions. For another, R. Kelly isn't going to dump an act that makes his tour MORE successful. If Ne-Yo was doing such a great job, then why would he can someone who would help sell more tickets? Kells is trying to make money with which to buy new silver 'Llac jeeps to park out at his beach home, not decrease tour profits by firing awesome opening acts guaranteed to draw people in.
Finally, there is a reason why R. Kelly has been producing hit albums and continues to be the biggest name in R&B for SEVENTEEN YEARS (practically Ne-Yo's entire lifetime): he is an amazing performer. R. Kelly performed for two and a half hours straight with NO lip synching and his voice was perfect, he was hilarious, and the crowd was whipped into a frenzy of Kells adoration. Everyone was TREMENDOUSLY entertained. Nobody left the show early. When the show finally ended, EVERYONE I saw were in the same afterglowy state of heightened pleasure and happiness that LL Cool Jew and myself were experiencing. I doubt that however fucking good Ne-Yo's live "Sexy Love" performance was, thirty minutes of him could eclipse the veritable juggernaut of orgasmic, mind-blowing awesomeness that Kells brought to the stage. Ne-Yo wishes.
What I think happened is that Ne-Yo wanted more money when he got favorable reviews, the tour promoters were like, "Tough, bitch, you signed a contract saying you get $750K or whatever and to quote Kells, that's that shit." Ne-Yo either left or got himself fired by being a diva, and the Double Up tour went on to great success without him. Still, as R. Kelly notes in "Feelin' On Yo Booty" (most sagaciously, I might add), "haters they want to hate, and ballers they want to ball." Ne-Yo is hate, while Kells continues to ball. And if he can beat fourteen counts of child porn charges this May (which he will--trust), he can destroy Ne-Yo's piddly little bitch of a lawsuit with naught but a dismissive gesturing of the international sign for jerk-off. The only thing Ne-Yo is good at is annoying me and cluttering up the Los Angeles Civil Court calendar with his pathetic attempts at recouping a paycheck he lost for being a dumbass with delusions of grandeur.
Labels: armchair barristry, assholes, celebrities, LL Cool Jew, ranting, Robert Sylvester Kelly
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yeah, yeah great story.... so when are you gonna post about your great adventures and sexual mishaps that took place up in the great NW over your Christmas break? I log onto your site almost daily to read your hilarious stories of self imposed alcohol abuse and sexual conquests, not regurgitated news stories with wise-ass opinions and comments about how fucked up other peoples lives are. I want to hear about your fucked up life, that's the funny stuff!
# posted by 
: 1/03/2008 2:10 PM
: 1/03/2008 2:10 PM
ne-yo - "could it be the little herpes sore over your nose / when you make your angry face?"
haters wanna hate...
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haters wanna hate...
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