Monday, February 11, 2008
Celebrity endorsement of the year up for grabs
Apparently Hayden Panettiere, the fucking moron who is on "Heroes" or some show I don't watch, is not going to shut up about her lame-ass "Save the Whales" crap. As if anyone cares, Hayden decided to give Chelsea Clinton an ultimatum to pass along to her mother: she'll only vote for the candidate who will save the whales. I bet Hillary is going to get right on that. Because in the grand hierarchy of problems facing America, the handful of non-endangered whales that get eaten in Japanese, Norwegian, and Icelandic specialty seafood restaurants are right up there with the Iraq War and the tanking economy.
I know all the current presidential candidates are totally freaking out over the prospect of not getting the votes of Hayden Panettiere and her hippie whale-saving surfer friends. I mean, there's probably at least five people out there who aren't going to support anyone that doesn't have the approval of this dumb, barely enfranchised poor man's Lindsay Lohan.
Barack Obama better watch out, because he might have Oprah stumping for him, but if he doesn't start talking more about his plan for the whales than his (unfeasible) universal health care bullshit, he's not getting Hayden's vote! At least I can rest easy that my boy John McCain is like, "Whales? What whales?" and I won't have Hayden standing next to me at any political rallies. Well, okay, I'm too lazy to actually go to any McCain rallies but let's pretend that I did, and that somehow I got into the VIP supporter section hanging around with the Hollywood heavyweights and McCain's hot power lesbian wife Cindy and cantankerous mom Roberta. Hypothetically, I'd be totally annoyed if Hayden Panettiere was there wearing a stupid pair of tortoise-rimmed Wayfarers and lecturing everyone sanctimoniously about how whales aren't fish, they're marine mammals with feelings and cute babies.
Actually, I secretly hope that the only candidate who speaks out for the whales is Mike Huckabee. I just want to see Hayden going to the polls in a Huckabee shirt with Chuck Norris and supporting a candidate who equates homosexuality to bestiality and plans to make the U.S. a theocracy. Not that Huckabee (or anyone) is going to rally for the cause of the whales, as we have better things to do than pick a fight with Japan, Norway, and Iceland for their limited whaling practices, but something about the idea of Hayden joining Team Huckabee just makes me smile. Really, all you'd have to do is give her the idea that "sins" is synonymous with "whales," and Hayden will sign right up the second Huckabee tells her that Jesus died to save our sins and he wants to alter our Constitution to reflect this. Trust.
I know all the current presidential candidates are totally freaking out over the prospect of not getting the votes of Hayden Panettiere and her hippie whale-saving surfer friends. I mean, there's probably at least five people out there who aren't going to support anyone that doesn't have the approval of this dumb, barely enfranchised poor man's Lindsay Lohan.
Actually, I secretly hope that the only candidate who speaks out for the whales is Mike Huckabee. I just want to see Hayden going to the polls in a Huckabee shirt with Chuck Norris and supporting a candidate who equates homosexuality to bestiality and plans to make the U.S. a theocracy. Not that Huckabee (or anyone) is going to rally for the cause of the whales, as we have better things to do than pick a fight with Japan, Norway, and Iceland for their limited whaling practices, but something about the idea of Hayden joining Team Huckabee just makes me smile. Really, all you'd have to do is give her the idea that "sins" is synonymous with "whales," and Hayden will sign right up the second Huckabee tells her that Jesus died to save our sins and he wants to alter our Constitution to reflect this. Trust.
Labels: celebrities, John McCain, politics, retard rage, sluts
Comments:
Links to this post:
<< Home
I almost messaged you the other day on getting some politics thrown in so I could get some political humor among all this dull conservative political bullshit bickering thanks for reading my mind!
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 2/11/2008 4:50 PM
: 2/11/2008 4:50 PM Links to this post:
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
