Monday, February 11, 2008
Daily Douchebag: Debbie Clemens
DOB: ????
Occupation: designing hideous mom fashion, popping out kids with names starting with K as a monument to her husband's ego, getting juiced
Hometown: ???
Current residence: Houston, Texas
Douchebaggery: I prayed that the first time I caught an eyeful of Roger and Debbie Clemens' nauseating Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo spread would also be my last. It was full of things I hated: Roger Clemens, Roger Clemens in a Yankees uniform, Roger Clemens in a Yankees uniform left unbuttoned to showcase Roger's (vomit) manly chest (and isn't the SI swimsuit issue supposed to be something people WANT to jerk off to?), and Roger Clemens's old-ass wife Photoshopped to look like a tranny bodybuilder and posing in a bikini with a big phallic baseball bat. ***SHUDDER***
Unfortunately, I now have to look at this loathsome image on the regular thanks to Brian McNamee's testimony before the congressional committee investigating all the steroids-in-baseball Mitchell report BS. It seems that not only does McNamee have bloody HGH-filled syringes with the Rocket's DNA on them from when he used to work as his personal roid administrator, he also shot up Debbie so that she could pose for this very photo shoot. Debbie was apparently worried that, as a thirty-nine-year-old mother of four demon spawn, there wouldn't be a strong enough version of Photoshop to make her FUPA look toned, so she decided that if recombinant growth hormone was good enough to keep aging fastball pitchers coming back from retirement to further the devil's influence by winning games for those despicable bastards in the Bronx, it was good enough to make her look like some kind of Terminator MILF.
I am unhappy with all this disappointing steroids crap ruining America's game. I have previously detailed my extremely negative opinion of cheaters like Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens (I don't believe his denials--vitamin B12 shots or whatever aren't delivered intranavally, moron), and I have zero sympathy for them. But I frankly have even less sympathy for their dumbass baby mamas grossing everyone out with her chiseled abs of steel HGH and her inordinately offensive "CLEMENS" bikini top. At least I can see why Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds were motivated to do what was called "getting with the program" when the West Beverly track team did it once on an episode of "Beverly Hills, 90210." Cheating aside, trying to increase one's professional performance and longevity is an honorable ambition, but there's no honor in what Debbie Clemens forced us to endure. She is not a sexy lady and has no place with Marisa Miller and the other hot models that usually populate the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition (I say usually because they put Beyonce's busted ass in an even more busted hooker House of Dereon bathing suit on the cover last year). Debbie would have been better off staying home, designing revolting heart- and butterfly-themed purses, and ferrying her little flock of Strikeouts to their various Little League activities rather than posing for stunningly unappealing bikini photographs in a magazine that is designed for masturbation. The fact that she cheated to do it just renders the actions of Debbie Clemens that much more vile and despicable. What a bitch. We hates.
Labels: assholes, Daily Douchebag, fuck the Yankees, media whores, sluts, sportsmen
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That vain hag is going to need to look good because she is going to need to find another man when her husband goes off to Federal Prison for lying to Congress and shit.
All this steroid shit is because of the immense amounts of money that baseball pays its players, people that are surprised by this are living in some LSD style fantasy world or something, because these players will do anything to get those big bucks, and if shooting up heroin would help, they all be doinmg that too.
It is good to see a fucking arrogant assfuck like Clemens getting his just desserts like this, just as Pete Rose discovered, no player is bigger than the game and they are all replacable, something Roger can think of as he services his prison hubby in the future.
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All this steroid shit is because of the immense amounts of money that baseball pays its players, people that are surprised by this are living in some LSD style fantasy world or something, because these players will do anything to get those big bucks, and if shooting up heroin would help, they all be doinmg that too.
It is good to see a fucking arrogant assfuck like Clemens getting his just desserts like this, just as Pete Rose discovered, no player is bigger than the game and they are all replacable, something Roger can think of as he services his prison hubby in the future.
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