Tuesday, February 26, 2008

 

Daily Douchebag: Jose Ortiz


Name: Jose Antonio Ortiz

DOB: 1979

Occupation: unabashed Hillary Clinton supporter

Hometown: Upper Providence Township, Pennsylvania

Current residence: Upper Providence Township jail

Douchebaggery:  People usually feel very strongly about politics, and this year's presidential race is no exception.  Anyone who has seen at least two seconds of cable news can tell you there is no shortage of pundits arguing vehemently about who is better for America: Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.  However, as far as I know, the guests on "Hardball" have yet to whip out the razors and start cutting each other up.

Unfortunately for Sean Shurelds, he did not have the calming influence of Chris Matthews to mediate dinner table discussion about the Democratic candidates with his brother-in-law Jose Ortiz.  According to the police report on The Smoking Gun, Sean decided to mention that "Barack Obama was trashing Hillary."  Although this has been mostly true in the primaries over the last month and Obama is going to put the nails in Hillary's coffin next Tuesday in Texas and Ohio, Jose didn't like hearing it because he is a member of the increasingly rare breed known as Hillary Clinton supporters.  He sharply retorted that "Obama was not a realist."  This continued and escalated into a full-on brawl, with choking, kicking, and face-punching.  Eventually, Jose had enough of Obama's vision for change, and decided to really stick it to Barack Obama's supporters...literally.  He stabbed Sean in the stomach and is now cooling his heels in the clink awaiting trial.

This reminds me of why a political discussion is not a good idea for the family dinner table.  No good ever comes of it, and there are knives around when simple insults aren't doing the trick anymore.  These dudes should have just settled it like Benzo and I do every time I rhapsodize about John McCain.  Rather than stabbing me, Benzo just scribes a blog entry rattling off damning statistics about my Straight Talk Express-riding hotness and vigorously defending Obama.  There is no need for knives or stabbing weapons of any sort, and thus Benzo and I can both still brag that we've never been arrested for felony assault or attempted murder.  In fact, we can both still brag we've never been arrested for anything at all.  

Probably the worst part of this political argument between Sean and Jose is that Jose is about to be disenfranchised due to his felony criminal record, and he can't even settle this in the most appropriate manner: by voting.  Of course, he probably won't have a chance to vote Hillary since Obama's going to win the nomination, but he could have at least stuck it to Sean by voting for someone besides Obama.  Now he won't even get the opportunity to vote for that loser Nader come November.  In fact, he'll probably be either serving whatever time is part of his plea bargain or preparing for his criminal trial.  What a fucking dumbass.

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# posted by Razzy @ 6:47 AM
Comments:
He sounds like a very typical Hillary Clinton supporter to me. If he can't win the argument by debate, just stab the guy that disagrees with him. I'm anxious to see if Hillary goes ballisitic after her ass whipping in TX and OH and brings a gun to her last and final debate.

JJ
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/26/2008 8:32 AM
 
Typical Hillary Clinton supporter??? It's the typical Obama supporter who is a rabid idiot with an ear for stolen rhetoric backed up with NO experience or indication of effectiveness. If Hillary brings a gun, I hope her aim is good.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/26/2008 10:16 AM
 
True to form - like the last anonymous said "I hope her aim is good." Typical from a Clinton supporter.

JJ
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/26/2008 10:52 AM
 
Incidentally, I'm neither a Clinton supporter nor an Obama supporter. I don't like either one of them but if Hillary aims at Obama I'd rather she hit him than a bystander. AMIRITE?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/26/2008 12:33 PM
 
The dude probably will not be officially convicted by November 4th, the overcrowded legal system can't work that fast, so he won't be a convicted felon and should be able to vote for Hillary Hag if he wishes, although he will have to do it via write-in by then.
Not all states automatically disenfranchise you if you are a convicted felon, many just have it that you cannot vote while you are doing time in the big house getting buttfucked by gangbangers and all.
If Illinois disenfranchised convicted felons for life and such, I would not have been eligible to cast a vote since the days of Ronnie Reagan, and my record of voting rivals any good, patriotic Americans in the land. This November marks 30 years since I first became eligible, and I have not missed more than 2, maybe 3, elections in that entire time, and I have been a committed criminal/iconoclast/radical that entire time.
# posted by Anonymous Master Underground : 2/26/2008 9:22 PM
 
Master underground - were you butt fucked by gangbangers when you were in prison?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/27/2008 8:01 AM
 
No I only made it as far as jail, not prison and no shenanigans there.
# posted by Anonymous Master Underground : 2/27/2008 8:13 PM
 
Judging by master undergrounds website, I don't buy it one bit that he wasn't butt-fucked in prison. He looks like both a pitcher and a catcher!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/28/2008 12:04 PM
 
Any little pussy that has to be anonymous in their comments rates zero to me, so think what you want dork-ass.
My site is not for Yuppie wimps like you anyway,so I am glad that you hate it, that means I am doing what I want to do correctly.
# posted by Anonymous Master Underground : 2/28/2008 8:20 PM
 
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