Wednesday, February 13, 2008

 

Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Kevin Federline


Name: Kevin Earl Federline

DOB: March 21, 1978

Occupation: father of the year, gold-digger of the century, public relations savant, true professional

Hometown: Fresno, California

Current residence: Santa Monica, California

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I certainly never, ever though I would write the words "Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Kevin Federline." However, then I caught a little bit of last night's "One Tree Hill." Yes, I've seen a few episodes of "One Tree Hill," and no, I'm not ashamed of that. "Battlestar Galactica" I am ashamed of. Not that I ever watch "Battlestar Galactica." I mean, I watched it one...a few...okay, more than ten times. However, any viewing of "Battlestar Galactica" I've ever done has been purely an accident. None of the other channels were working. Yeah...that's it. None of the other channels were working or I would have watched something--ANYTHING--before I watched a nerd clusterfuck like "Battlestar Galactica." Anyway, I've seen "One Tree Hill" a couple times and I don't feel the overriding need to explain those viewings away with a pack of lies. There's no shame in watching a show about the sex lives of short, clumsy basketball-playing teens and the cheerleaders who love them. Plus, the guy who played John Sears, KEG house nemesis of Steve Sanders, would-be pedophile, and all-around asshole jerk, from "90210" is on it! I can't be ashamed of watching any show that includes a former Kelly Taylor love interest in its cast. Now, if only "Battlestar Galactica" would cast a Bev Niner alum...by accident. ANYWAY. Last night I watched "One Tree Hill," and Kevin Federline was on.

On the show, K-Fed plays a Linkin Park-flavored punk rock rapper guy. Think David Silver meets Pete Wentz, except in an extremely incestuous North Carolina small town. He has some drama with this other girl from the main cast. She was in his band and he slept with her and her slut friend or something, so she quit. Then she had some words with K-Fed, he talked shit, and subsequently earned himself a knuckle sandwich. It doesn't get more satisfying than that.



This should get a fucking Emmy. I'd like to see TV come up with something better than Kevin Federline acting like the asshole we all expect him to be. He calls someone a retard, calls her skank friend out for leaving her granny panties in his bed (insert "oh, SNAP!" here), and then slaps skank friend on the ass. Then, just when K-Fed thinks he's a hot piece of despicable shit, "Skills" Taylor clocks him in the face for being a disrespectful prick! AWESOME!!! Besides, if you were paying close attention to Kevin's temples, you noticed that the CEO of Federation Records is rocking a buzz fauxhawk--with a receding hairline! That takes serious balls. The only way this could get better is if Brenda Walsh showed up in a leather jacket/leather vest/camel toe-exposing high-waisted jeans combo and shrieked, "Look, I hate you both! Never talk to me again!"

Kevin Federline, who was previously famous for his fecundity and hip-hop cracker style, has managed to reinvent himself as a master of the acting craft. He was born to play douchebag white trash punk rocker/rappers who get their fake Ed Hardy shirt-wearing asses beat on CW shows. The FedEx should just throw on his street rocker hoodie and wait for the professional accolades to roll in. This was truly the year's finest TV moment. James Lipton best clear his schedule, because I definitely sense that an episode of "Inside the Actors' Studio" reviewing the achievements of K-Fed is forthcoming. I can't wait until K-Fed regales the drama geeks with tales of how he prepared to deliver lines like, "The only reason people were clappin' is that I told 'em you were retarded." Genius.

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# posted by Razzy @ 6:36 AM
Comments:
Haha I watched that entire episode thinking "that guy looks JUST like K-Fed!"
# posted by Blogger Molly : 2/13/2008 11:22 AM
 
Alright Katie Sackhoff... Like you haven't been waiting for the fourth season.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/images /2007/05/16/katee.jpg

Look familiar?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 2/13/2008 2:07 PM
 
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