Monday, February 25, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Young(er) Michael Douglas
DOB: September 25, 1944
Occupation: hot fucking piece and I mean that SERIOUSLY
Hometown: Hollywood, California
Current residence: Pacific Palisades, California, New York, New York, Aspen, Colorado, Bermuda, Majorca, Spain, Swansea, Wales, and Ridgewood, New Jersey.
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I saw a little classic footage of Michael Douglas, complete with flowing mullet, racing to the stage to accept his Oscar for Wall Street and caught my breath. Michael Douglas may not have aged well, and all the plastic surgery he's had has somehow made him look even more geriatric, but in the younger part of his middle age, he was a hot piece of ass.
LL Cool Jew was watching the Oscars with me via text message, and I felt compelled to weigh in on this particular memorable Oscar moment. "Young michael douglas was h o t," I texted. She wasn't seeing things my way, unfortunately, but that's probably because she has no taste in men. KIDDING, BigBagel! She replied: "u r a sick individual."
In turn, I replied snippily, "If by sick u mean awesome."
As I said, I realize that geriatric Michael Douglas doesn't have a whole lot of sex appeal, but how can you deny young(er) Michael Douglas's hotness? In Wall Street he managed to actually make sleazebag trader types--who I consider in real life to be one of the most off-putting, boring, detestable, obnoxious species of men ever to wear suits--seem sexy. I'd let him hit it if he were rocking the Gordon Gekko crispy I-mean-business gel-imbued power mullet and suspenders and bitching at me that "lunch is for wimps" any day. And in Fatal Attraction, I can totally see why Glenn Close went so crazy for him, because I'd throw on the Madame Butterfly record and fuck that cheating husband every which way and all over my apartment. Basic Instinct was one of the first R-rated movies that I snuck into, and I still get hot thinking about the sex scenes in that movie. And don't get me started about Michael's role as expatriate treasure-hunting, bird-collecting, international hot piece Jack Colton in Romancing the Stone.
I would not have thought twice about running my fingers through that lush adventure mullet. I would have totally reenacted all kinds of awesome scenes from Romancing the Stone with him. He could wrestle alligators, say things like "one hell of a morning has turned into one bitch of a day!" and "oh, man, the Doobie Brothers broke up!", and slide down a wall of mud and land with his head in my crotch. Somehow this will all have to be done with the sense of urgency that comes with trying to thwart Danny DeVito when he's hot on your trail. You know, it's that whole we-should-fuck-now-because-we-could-die kind of imperative, desperate, survival situation sex...except instead of the threat of death, there's the threat of having a fat, winded, frustrated fat man steal your treasure map. It would be so hot. Seriously, I've seen Romancing the Stone about 80,000 times and I've put a lot of thought into this.
Anyway, I think this proves that I'm not a sick individual. It's perfectly healthy to spend one's time having sexual fantasies about comic adventures through Colombia seeking giant emeralds with a homeless, exiled petty criminal rocking a mullet and a set of dirty khakis. In fact, I wonder about people who DON'T experience arousal when they think about Young(er) Michael Douglas. There's basically no way you can deny Young(er) Michael Douglas's inherent sexiness, and I defy LL Cool Jew to try. I'm not sick! I'm perfectly normal! NORMAL!
I would not have thought twice about running my fingers through that lush adventure mullet. I would have totally reenacted all kinds of awesome scenes from Romancing the Stone with him. He could wrestle alligators, say things like "one hell of a morning has turned into one bitch of a day!" and "oh, man, the Doobie Brothers broke up!", and slide down a wall of mud and land with his head in my crotch. Somehow this will all have to be done with the sense of urgency that comes with trying to thwart Danny DeVito when he's hot on your trail. You know, it's that whole we-should-fuck-now-because-we-could-die kind of imperative, desperate, survival situation sex...except instead of the threat of death, there's the threat of having a fat, winded, frustrated fat man steal your treasure map. It would be so hot. Seriously, I've seen Romancing the Stone about 80,000 times and I've put a lot of thought into this.
Anyway, I think this proves that I'm not a sick individual. It's perfectly healthy to spend one's time having sexual fantasies about comic adventures through Colombia seeking giant emeralds with a homeless, exiled petty criminal rocking a mullet and a set of dirty khakis. In fact, I wonder about people who DON'T experience arousal when they think about Young(er) Michael Douglas. There's basically no way you can deny Young(er) Michael Douglas's inherent sexiness, and I defy LL Cool Jew to try. I'm not sick! I'm perfectly normal! NORMAL!
Labels: aging, celebrities, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, hot dudes, movies, sex
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I don't know about Michael Douglas, but I feel the same way about young Elizabeth Taylor. She was fine in her time!
JJ
JJ
# posted by 
: 2/25/2008 10:23 AM
: 2/25/2008 10:23 AM
Don't forget the totally rad cop-in-Osaka mullet he rocked in the poorly reviewed and highly under rated "Black Rain".
"Sometimes you just gotta go for it." That shit is real puma.
"Sometimes you just gotta go for it." That shit is real puma.
# posted by : 2/25/2008 11:20 AM
: 2/25/2008 11:20 AM
"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing."
# posted by : 2/25/2008 11:27 AM
: 2/25/2008 11:27 AM
Shit, you should see how poorly Kathleen Turner has aged (and sounds). Needless to say, you would NOT want to hit that piece of ass. :O
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# posted by : 2/25/2008 11:40 AM
: 2/25/2008 11:40 AM Links to this post:
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