Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I'm kind of a lesbian
Last night, at my friend Neo's birthday dinner, I was talking sex (what's new) with another friend from grad school, who I'll call RunnerGirl. Somehow it came up that I had wanted to bone her recent ex-boyfriend (who rejected me on grounds of "intimidation"), and we were laughing about it. Then RunnerGirl said something like, "Not that you care about that these days."
"Huh?" I said.
"Aren't you into girls now? That's what I heard," said RunnerGirl. Ah...God bless the grad student rumor mill, which churns 24/7 spewing filth like an industrial revolution-era coal-powered textile factory.
"Oh, I'm into everything now. I still like boys plenty. I'm a switch hitter," I explained. Later I started thinking about this. Just because recently I decided to be way more open and aggressive about pursuing honeys of the double-X karyotype, everyone now thinks I'm a lesbian!
I'm not sure who told RunnerGirl I'm rocking it on the full-time dyke tip, and I'm not mad at RunnerGirl or her source about it, but it's not really correct. People get really uptight about labels, but I don't really care about what people say about my sexuality. I mean, I also get called things like "slut" and "bitch," and it's no big thing for me. However, in the interest of accuracy, I am really bisexual. The truth is, I like the ladies a whole lot ever since I remembered that lezzie sex can be much more about hot carpet munching than processing and snuggling, but I'm never giving up the dick. Banging dudes is hella fun.
Granted, there have been a lot more scenes like this at grad school parties lately:
(That's actually not a grad student, but my friend Miss Corbutt at a party in Tacoma years ago, and we weren't so much having a hot makeout sesh as we were goofing around for the camera, hence it looks like I'm eating her face. Sadly, I couldn't dig up a more recent photo of myself sucking face with grad school chicks so I had to go with what I had, outdated as it is. Seriously, Miss Corbutt and I are like 22 in this picture.)
I've been doing a lot of girlie lip-locking with the various bi-curious hookers in grad school, and I guess that, along with my regular discussion of my sexual conquests with the fairer sex, has given people the erroneous impression that I am now ordering exclusively off the seafood menu. Again, it's not like I care or that I am insulted that the word on the street is I'm one mullet haircut away from being a total dyke, but I wonder why people feel the need to instantly apply the label "lesbian" just because I've taken a few dips in the tuna tank. Are people more comfortable with the idea that you're either gay or straight, and there's not anything in between? Because that's not the reality.
Almost every woman I know who considers herself a "lesbian" has slept with a man at some point. LL Cool Jew, who came out in junior high and was about as lesbish as it gets, married a man. I don't think BigBagel "converted" her, but he was an exception to her normal preference and just happened to be the love of her life. I don't really consider her "straight" even if she is in a monogamous heterosexual marriage. Likewise, my cousin's wife--after two hetero marriages and a string of boyfriends--left my cousin for another woman. I think more people are bisexual in one form or another at some point in their lives, and it's not like once you deviate from your usual sexual pattern, you commit to staying the deviant course permanently. For me, the usual course is nailing hot dudes, but I reserve the right to get my lipstick lezzie on whenever I feel like it. And not that I don't love women and like both giving and receiving cunnilingus, but it's not like pussy is so fucking fabulous that I'd never gaze covetously at an erect penis ever again.
I am curious as to why people are so quick to assign restrictively defined sexual labels based on who you are sleeping with today. Is it just easier to call someone a "lesbian" than acknowledge that most people live in a sexual gray area? Or is it because of disdain for bisexuality? Certainly, there are factions of the gay community that view bisexuality in a very negative light, as though bisexuals are too afraid to admit they're fully gay or straight people pissing on the gays' fire hydrant. There are also plenty of heterosexuals (usually the ones who think that God hates fags) who find bisexuals even more morally bereft than people who are strictly gay. Are people uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality, and thus prefer to define others as 100% gay or straight? Or are people just confused about it? I'd love to hear what y'all Razzyphiles' thoughts are on the matter.
"Huh?" I said.
"Aren't you into girls now? That's what I heard," said RunnerGirl. Ah...God bless the grad student rumor mill, which churns 24/7 spewing filth like an industrial revolution-era coal-powered textile factory.
"Oh, I'm into everything now. I still like boys plenty. I'm a switch hitter," I explained. Later I started thinking about this. Just because recently I decided to be way more open and aggressive about pursuing honeys of the double-X karyotype, everyone now thinks I'm a lesbian!
I'm not sure who told RunnerGirl I'm rocking it on the full-time dyke tip, and I'm not mad at RunnerGirl or her source about it, but it's not really correct. People get really uptight about labels, but I don't really care about what people say about my sexuality. I mean, I also get called things like "slut" and "bitch," and it's no big thing for me. However, in the interest of accuracy, I am really bisexual. The truth is, I like the ladies a whole lot ever since I remembered that lezzie sex can be much more about hot carpet munching than processing and snuggling, but I'm never giving up the dick. Banging dudes is hella fun.
Granted, there have been a lot more scenes like this at grad school parties lately:
I've been doing a lot of girlie lip-locking with the various bi-curious hookers in grad school, and I guess that, along with my regular discussion of my sexual conquests with the fairer sex, has given people the erroneous impression that I am now ordering exclusively off the seafood menu. Again, it's not like I care or that I am insulted that the word on the street is I'm one mullet haircut away from being a total dyke, but I wonder why people feel the need to instantly apply the label "lesbian" just because I've taken a few dips in the tuna tank. Are people more comfortable with the idea that you're either gay or straight, and there's not anything in between? Because that's not the reality.
Almost every woman I know who considers herself a "lesbian" has slept with a man at some point. LL Cool Jew, who came out in junior high and was about as lesbish as it gets, married a man. I don't think BigBagel "converted" her, but he was an exception to her normal preference and just happened to be the love of her life. I don't really consider her "straight" even if she is in a monogamous heterosexual marriage. Likewise, my cousin's wife--after two hetero marriages and a string of boyfriends--left my cousin for another woman. I think more people are bisexual in one form or another at some point in their lives, and it's not like once you deviate from your usual sexual pattern, you commit to staying the deviant course permanently. For me, the usual course is nailing hot dudes, but I reserve the right to get my lipstick lezzie on whenever I feel like it. And not that I don't love women and like both giving and receiving cunnilingus, but it's not like pussy is so fucking fabulous that I'd never gaze covetously at an erect penis ever again.
I am curious as to why people are so quick to assign restrictively defined sexual labels based on who you are sleeping with today. Is it just easier to call someone a "lesbian" than acknowledge that most people live in a sexual gray area? Or is it because of disdain for bisexuality? Certainly, there are factions of the gay community that view bisexuality in a very negative light, as though bisexuals are too afraid to admit they're fully gay or straight people pissing on the gays' fire hydrant. There are also plenty of heterosexuals (usually the ones who think that God hates fags) who find bisexuals even more morally bereft than people who are strictly gay. Are people uncomfortable with the idea of bisexuality, and thus prefer to define others as 100% gay or straight? Or are people just confused about it? I'd love to hear what y'all Razzyphiles' thoughts are on the matter.
Labels: grad school bullshit, lezbollah, Razzification, sex
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I think a lot of people are genuinely confused by "bisexuality." Personally, I could never make the leap from having sex with a guy one day, and then all of the sudden, wanting to have sex with a woman, and it's difficult for me to understand how anybody could do so. However - that's not to say I've never kissed a girl, because I certainly have had my share of highschool/college lesbian kisses, and I'm sure there are many people out there who could never even imagine kissing someone of the same sex. But, as I learned in my Smith College women's studies class, when thinking of matters lesbian and gay, think of each person's sexuality as a rainbow, one end being straight, one end being gay. Bi-sexuals are in the middle, obviously, those who have never had a gay experience on one end, etc. Most people fall somewhere in the middle - for example, as a woman, if you find another woman attractive then you move up in the scale. I would dare to say that most men would never, ever think, or at least admit, that they thought another man was hot, therefore they're shored up on the straight end. So I think the people that have the real problem with creating such definitive labels are those who are on the superstraight end of the spectrum.
i think it's just human nature to want to strictly categorize (watch how i sidestep the word "dichotomize") everything. I decided I was bisexual when I was 16, about fifteen years ago. I had a lot of fun with men and I was so intensely curious about women that I decided to hook up with some ladies. I had a blast! And I kept having fun with men...more fun, the better. Right now I am in a very long term relationship with a woman and I'm knockin' boots with men on the side. I want it all, and I'm ok with that. I'm safe, I'm honest, and I choose to have a home with a woman and have very nice serious relationships with men as long as they are not living with me. Who knows, maybe that will change in a while and I'll want to live with a man and bang chicks on the weekends. It's all good and I only have 1 life to live. As that 90s era magazine put it--Anything That Moves.
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# posted by 
: 2/12/2008 8:11 PM
: 2/12/2008 8:11 PM Links to this post:
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