Monday, March 31, 2008
Daily Douchebag: Ashton Kutcher's COOLPIX ad
DOB: March 25, 2008 (first air date)
Occupation: making me want to buy any camera BESIDES a Nikon COOLPIX Style Series
Hometown: probably the Kabbalah Center of Los Angeles (although I don't see a dumb red string around Ashton's wrist...maybe they Photoshopped it out?)
Current residence: my TV during episodes of "Rock of Love 2"
Douchebaggery: Nikon COOLPIX Style Series' recent ad campaign has managed to go where very few ad campaigns have before. Upon my first viewing of one of these ads, I immediately placed it in the elite class of commercials as those featuring Peyton Manning hawking MasterCards, the UPS Whiteboard Guy, and every campaign Old Navy has ever produced. This designation is reserved for the upper echelon of commercials that go beyond annoying to actually induce feelings of property-destroying rage. Yesterday I threw my remote control against the couch in disgust upon seeing this, and vowed never to buy any Nikon products ever, EVER again.
If you haven't seen this, Nikon is kind enough to provide a press release about this marketing campaign:
Taking place in trendy locales such as boutique hotels and upscale shopping destinations, the campaign highlights the exquisite styling, fashionable colors, simplicity and great performance of Nikon's Style series compact digital cameras....The television campaign spots, directed by Emmy award winner Brian Buckley, have Kutcher’s COOLPIX camera being discretely taken and passed around by numerous adoring fans who take several pictures with it before slipping it back into Ashton’s pocket. Ashton then notices some surprising pictures when he reviews the photos on his camera's LCD screen.Now, I'll distill out that PR product-branding crap and tell you about how this commercial really goes down. Ashton Kutcher is holding court at "the Chateau" (presumably Marmont) when he gets a call on his Blackberry. He leaves his man-purse unattended with his Nikon COOLPIX Style Series poking tantalizingly out of the side pocket for a trio of giggling skanks to ogle while he takes his call. As he's on the phone, the bitches immediately grab the camera and start taking pictures of themselves making stupid faces and laughing hysterically. They're so busy guffawing at their own silliness that you can't really hear them say "Oh, isn't Ashton Kutcher going to be surprised when he goes through his COOLPIX deleting pictures of Rumer Willis's chin and finds these *hilarious* pictures of us sticking our tongues out, making fish faces, and cracking up!" between high-pitched bursts of chortling, but you can easily imagine it. However, the joke's on them, because this is Ashton Kutcher, professional Hollywood prankster, and apparently you can't ever assume that getting punk'd isn't an option when he's around. Ashton is on the phone briefing an unknown accomplice that his quarry has taken the bait and Mission: Get Starfucking Social Climbers at the Chateau to Make Stupid Faces for my COOLPIX Camera is in full effect. "No! They don't know I know they're doing it," he reassures his co-conspirator that his identity as the instigator of this hilarious stunt remains concealed. Yes, there is layer upon layer of dramatic irony in this ad. Ashton then returns to collect his satchel just as the girls have replaced the camera and leave. On the way out he high-fives the valet to celebrate yet another successful caper and reassures him, "I'll send you copies." Then Ashton checks out the pictures. "OHHHH!" he shouts in a pathetic imitation of Andrew Dice Clay, apparently blown away by the scandalous hilarity of a girl taking cross-eyed self-portraits. Viewers are then advised to purchase a COOLPIX Style Series camera.
I'd like to know WHY exactly this should make me want to buy a COOLPIX camera. Because I'm an easily amused, purse-toting, metrosexual loser who gets off staging elaborate deceptive traps to obtain silly G-rated pictures of probable reality show rejects before I go home to bang Demi Moore(-ticia Adams)? NO! I don't want a camera that can be used to pull off pointless and completely annoying pranks. If Ashton really wanted to sell me a camera, he should quit acting cute, get wasted, and prove that the COOLPIX Style Series is durable enough to withstand being stepped on, dropped accidentally out of purse or pocket onto a sidewalk, run over by a cab, operated effectively while in the reverse piledriver position, or submerged in scotch or Heineken. Ashton Kutcher needs to go back to the celebrity oblivion he was dwelling in and stop ruining my consumer appetite for digital cameras.
I tried to find a video of this ad, but apparently everyone on the YouTubes has had better things to do than irritate the internets by posting this trash for public viewing. I did, however, find another ad from this campaign (the promised "upscale shopping destinations" version). It's equally aggravating, so if you need that extra something to go from really, really, REALLY pissed off to Michael Douglas-in-Falling Down-pissed off, feel free to torture yourself by clicking here. If you too survive that hellish experience, I think you'll agree that a boycott of all Nikon products is warranted on the basis of their commercials being so maddeningly awful. These commercials are so likely to inspire violent fury that they are a menace to public safety! Get them off the air. Just say no to Nikon!
Labels: assholes, capitalism, celebrities, Daily Douchebag, intentional buffoonery, media whores, retard rage, TV
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When is Ashton going to get a haircut like a grown adult man and get rid of that Supercuts-for-Kids look.
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# posted by 
: 4/01/2008 1:04 PM
: 4/01/2008 1:04 PM Links to this post:
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