Friday, March 28, 2008
Ivy League hating fails to meet expectations
Last week, my ongoing legal drama got covered by IvyGate, a gossip website for the Ivy Leagues. They pulled a picture of me off my lab's website in which I look fucking HORRIBLE, so I sent them an e-mail with an update regarding my legal situation, a commendation for their coverage, and a request for a photo swap. I didn't want to give the editors of this website the impression that I wanted them to put a disproportionately hot picture of myself, so I sent some pictures that were equally unflattering but at least funny.
Well, apparently despite the fact that she runs something as unbelievably lame as an IVY LEAGUE GOSSIP BLOG, editrix Maureen O'Connor thought my cheeky e-mail and request were evidence of my being "batshit crazy" and wrote a lengthy post to that effect. Certainly sending correspondence obviously intended to amuse and goofy pictures are right up there with auditory hallucinations and imaginary friends in terms of diagnostic criteria for insanity. She also accused me of sending pictures featuring "nudity," as apparently my Lil' Kim and Britney Spears Halloween costumes offended her prudish sensibilities (which may have been because she didn't get the cultural references at all and seemed to think that these were outfits I routinely wear year-round), and suggested that I have no future as a scientist. OH NO! IvyGate has destroyed my career by insinuating that I'm mentally ill and made inferences as to my professional potential and ability...maybe I should sue them for defamation! I hear that's what all the kids are doing these days.
Oh, wait. Any employer who relies on the opinion of uptight Princeton undergrads running a shit-talking gossip blog to judge my merits as a virologist is too dumb to meet my standards, and really, the only evidence of my supposed batshit craziness that Maureen presents is that there are pictures of my boobies on the internets, I jokingly compared a guy who has sexually harassed, threatened, and menaced me in lab for YEARS to Hitler and Bin Laden, and I bragged that I could run a better presidential campaign than Hillary Clinton. Granted, I suppose that since delusional people can claim defamation any time someone writes an opinion of them they don't like, I could always go through the trouble of suing, but groundless libel lawsuits are for losers. Besides, Maureen redeemed herself when she described RAZZY.org as a "bizarro internet 1.0 media empire" (and I think calling it 1.0 is being generous...I would rate my web design skills at a lousy 0.005) and wondered if I'm an "insane genius." Plus, I got mad extra traffic! Looks like I'll be getting $10 in ad revenue this month instead of $5. BOO-YAH! Thanks, IvyGate!
Anyway, Maureen's repeated use of the phrase "batshit crazy" was clearly a gem of originality compared to many of her colleagues in terms of insulting me. Calling me fat and/or ugly and/or a slut has always been a favorite way for Razzy Haters to express displeasure regarding something I've posted, but who knew that the Ivy Leaguers of the internets were equally trite? Some of the comments on the IvyGate post:
Maybe if we were the last two people alive, and there were no sheep. Are there sheep?-Y10 (as in Yale class of 2010)Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a fat, ugly, attention whore and I shouldn't talk shit about assholes who scream threats at me for writing about my own damn sex life because I'm too much of a fatass troll to get laid with the undoubtedly Adonis-like nineteen-year-olds at Princeton and Yale. Boo hoo. The only one I give any props to is the person who went deep through my archives, found a post where I talked about my concerns regarding getting HPV-induced throat cancer from all the unprotected cocksucking I've done in my time (and on a virological aside, like 90% of college age adults have HPV, so I'm hardly alone in these concerns), and noted that "I'd rather lick a stripper pole than touch that."
this girl is astoundingly unattractive-ugh
Seriously i am tired of looking at this ugly girl. Go away!! Please, put up something new. It's been long enough. What the hell is taking so long?-P11
Your craziness comes from your willingness to smear some guy for not giving you oral sex.
Your trashiness comes from your posting your flabby body all over the interwebs.-@Razzy/Angie
I'm waiting to see something besides this chick's ugly-ass body all over my screen.-Y10
This chick is god-awfully ugly. Please put a new post on the front page.-Y09 (man, those Yalies really aren't feeling me!)
I'm disappointed that those student ID card-carrying Ivy Leaguers couldn't come up with anything better than the same tired fat/ugly/slut/pathetic/attention whore crap that Razzy Haters have been slinging at me for the past three years that I've blessed the internets with my awesomeness. Given the insufferably superior opinion most Ivy League kids have of their own intellect, I would have expected better material. As it turns out, not a single member of this elite group of blog reading intelligentsia could come up with something to top the greatest Razzy anonymous comment hate-on of all time ("Always the cum dumpster, never the bride"). In fact, the anti-Razzy comments deviating from this vein mainly complained about how this story isn't good enough for a highly respected journalistic outlet like IvyGate to publish, and (erroneously) that I'm complaining about sexism because they don't like me. I'm not complaining about shit except that these lame-ass cliched insults are BORING, the editor of a gossip blog considers cleavage and a bare midriff to be "nudity" and can't distinguish a Lil' Kim Halloween costume from normal honey-getting attire, and I expected better vitriol from students of such reputed academic institutions as Princeton and Yale.
I'm really disappointed with the caliber of hating that the Ivy Leagues can produce. As long as they're going to stick with the ugly/fat/skank routine, they could try to get creative with it. Granted, I don't expect brilliance on par with my batshit crazy insane genius, but this is DeVry University-level hateration at best. Step it up, kids. I know you can do better.
Labels: down with OPB (other people's blogs), grad school bullshit, internet domination, Razzification, Razzy Haters, sluts, you're ugly
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ivygate sucks and has for a long while. you should make them daily douchebag for not recognizing how much better this blog is. besides i love it when you get into flame wars with dumb haters. bring the drama, razzy!
# posted by 
: 3/28/2008 10:08 AM
: 3/28/2008 10:08 AM
Being a so-called former Ivy Leaguer "GS" (grad student), having attended a decidedly non-Ivy League undergrad school, I can say without qualifications that only in the rarest exceptions are Ivy Leaguers not douchebags, especially undergrads.
Elitism separates, as the very word implies. Reality, originality, common sense, all tend to get squeezed out of that rarefied air.
I think Tim Gunn made the best analogy for this when he was criticizing Chris' human hair designs on the Project Runway finale. (Yes, I am a confident straight male who thinks Tim Gunn is the motherfucking man and Project Runway is the shiznet.)
Anyway, Tim said, more or less: "You know how when you first go in the monkey house at the zoo and it smells like shit? Well, what happens if you're there for twenty minutes? It still smells like shit, but it's a little more bearable. What happens after 2 hours? You almost don't notice this shit smell anymore. What happens after two days? It totally doesn't smell like shit."
So, Ivy Leaguers, wake up and smell the shit you're swimming in, eating, and throwing around.
Elitism separates, as the very word implies. Reality, originality, common sense, all tend to get squeezed out of that rarefied air.
I think Tim Gunn made the best analogy for this when he was criticizing Chris' human hair designs on the Project Runway finale. (Yes, I am a confident straight male who thinks Tim Gunn is the motherfucking man and Project Runway is the shiznet.)
Anyway, Tim said, more or less: "You know how when you first go in the monkey house at the zoo and it smells like shit? Well, what happens if you're there for twenty minutes? It still smells like shit, but it's a little more bearable. What happens after 2 hours? You almost don't notice this shit smell anymore. What happens after two days? It totally doesn't smell like shit."
So, Ivy Leaguers, wake up and smell the shit you're swimming in, eating, and throwing around.
# posted by : 3/28/2008 10:39 AM
: 3/28/2008 10:39 AM
BigBages, I couldn't have put it better myself. And Tim Gunn is the motherfucking man...but not quite as much as Michael "She looks like she's wrapped in a black velvet condom" Kors. Love that fagtastic bitch.
Maureen O'Connor reads like a monotonous prude. I think your blog probably blew her mind. At least that would explain why she was unable to come up with any other phrases for "batshit crazy."
# posted by : 3/28/2008 12:21 PM
: 3/28/2008 12:21 PM
Ivygate has sucked ever since Maureen O'Connor wound up in charge. Everything else she's ever posted is about as clever and witty as the blog mentioned here. I'd rather be batshit crazy than boring and predictable any day.
And Ivy Leaguers are 99.9999% dipshits. Don't be surprised that the .0001% that isn't gets shit for being the slightest bit different. Keep entertaining, Razzy.
And Ivy Leaguers are 99.9999% dipshits. Don't be surprised that the .0001% that isn't gets shit for being the slightest bit different. Keep entertaining, Razzy.
# posted by : 3/28/2008 12:37 PM
: 3/28/2008 12:37 PM
Those guys were a little harsh. You're not fat; you're chubby. You're not ugly; you're plain.
And attempting to insult someone by calling them "elitist" is no insult at all - its just very bourgeoise.
And attempting to insult someone by calling them "elitist" is no insult at all - its just very bourgeoise.
# posted by : 3/29/2008 11:39 AM
: 3/29/2008 11:39 AM
Much more original. Except you spelled "bourgeois" incorrectly, anonymous.
# posted by : 3/29/2008 12:32 PM
: 3/29/2008 12:32 PM 
If everyone says you're fat, ugly, and a slut, do you think there could be any truth to it?
# posted by : 3/29/2008 6:59 PM
: 3/29/2008 6:59 PM
i became one of your readers BECAUSE of ivygate. when they posted the story about you, i was strangely intrigued and came to your site ready to dismiss you as another slutty lena chen-esque blogger. instead, i wound up kind of loving you... i think the internet needs more razzys, though sadly i don't think most people have the balls to blog with the honesty with which you blog. i apologize for the douchebags i go to school with - i'm yale '09, so just letting you know someone here appreciates you. keep it up!
# posted by : 3/30/2008 1:35 AM
: 3/30/2008 1:35 AM
hey dude, so I went and read the ivygate blog---fuck i feel like im owed apologies for the time I wasted reading it. I mean it takes a special kind of dork to make an interesting story (oral sex, nude hilarious pics) become the most uptight boring blog ever... And the dorkness reaches an entirely different level when she didn't even get the Lil Kim costume! I know columbia sucks but imagine going to princeton,and having maureen and/or the likes as friends hahahahaha
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# posted by : 3/30/2008 11:30 PM
: 3/30/2008 11:30 PM Links to this post:
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