Monday, April 07, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Alfred Hrdlicka
DOB: February 27, 1928
Occupation: sacrilegious painter
Hometown: Vienna, Austria
Current residence: Vienna, Austria
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Alfred is a geriatric painter beloved by Austrians. I guess they love him as much as Mozart, tortes, waltzing, and sausage, which are the only Viennese experts I can think of offhand. Those and the cinnamon-flavored General Foods International Coffee, which I think is called Cafe Vienna, but I'm not sure that counts. Anyway, to celebrate the 80th birthday of their national artfaggoty hero, the Roman Catholic Cathedral Museum of Vienna threw an exhibition of Alfred's most famous works. What they didn't count on was the prudish freaking out that the Catholics would do concerning a painting called Leonardo's Abendmahl ("Leonardo's Last Supper") depicted JC and his boys in the midst of a big gay orgy.
The Austrian press has now apparently dubbed this painting (which was composed in 1984) to be the modern-day equivalent of the Danish cartoons mocking Muhammed. I guess they haven't been to an art show lately, because almost everything I ever see at these kind of parties is blasphemous work. I don't see what the big deal is painting Jesus irreverently, and I'm Catholic. It doesn't really bother me much to see Jesus depicted as a big homo or having a weiner or anything like that. When I was in college, that asshole Giuliani pitched a fit over some painting at a show in Brooklyn that depicted the Virgin Mary as surrounded by heaps of cow shit. I didn't get what was so awful about that, either. After all, bitch DID pop out our Lord and Savior in a fucking barn! If there's one thing I learned from years of Doing the Puyallup, it's that barns are often full of cow shit. The artist was probably just trying to be realistic. Even if not, making fun of Jesus and the whole Christ narrative has been a worldwide pasttime since 33 A.D. Get over it!
With respect to his literal artfaggotry, Hrdlicka just acknowledged that in Leonardo's original painting, there were no women depicted...hence an apostolic gay orgy ensued. I guess he didn't read The Da Vinci Code (which boosts Hrdlicka up several logs in the hotness department) concerning the identity of the red-headed twink next to Jesus in the original painting. Maybe Hrdlicka isn't familiar with the symbolism employed by members of the Illuminati or whatever.
In any event, I applaud Hrdlicka for coming up with a hotter take on the Last Supper than the usual somber affair that this is generally depicted as. I can say that the sacrament of holy communion would be a lot more interesting if it had been based on a more orgiastic account of Jesus breaking bread with his disciples. At least it would pique my interest a little more than it does now (currently my attitude when the priest says "Do this in memory of me" is one of relief, since consecration of the eucharist means that mass is almost over). Way to spice up Catholicism, Alfred Hrdlicka!
Labels: artfaggotry, Catholicism, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, Dear God
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