Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Captain Sig Hansen
DOB: April 28, 1966
Occupation: captain of the mighty F/V Northwestern, miner of the Bering Sea for "Red Gold," HOT FUCKING PIECE
Hometown: Seattle, Washington
Current residence: Seattle, Washington and Dutch Harbor, Alaska
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: It's no secret that I've got the hots for Captain Sig something serious. Let's just take a few minutes to relive the storied internet relationship between myself and the man who is going to singlehandedly cause the Bering Sea to rise due to his hotness melting the Arctic ice pack that is his bane during Opilio season.
-April 30, 2007: I write a post entitled "I'm a Sig Girl," detailing my tireless and unquenchable ardor for Sig, who I declare "the Adonis of Alaskan crab fisherman."Well, tonight is the premiere of "Deadliest Catch" season 4, and I think it's pretty easy to predict where I will be: firmly planted on my ass in front of the idiot box praying that Sig's scorching hotness doesn't melt the screen off. I figure that the first episodes will involve something along the lines of Sig's natural caloric output causing sweltering weather, triggering an unprecedented environmental crisis. Sig's hot temper only contributes to the hurricane-like conditions that will plague the vast and tempestuous Bering Sea. Luckily, it takes more than a little bad weather to set back a fourth-generation slice of hot Norwegian lutefisk like Sig (and he's used to it anyway, since climate change follows him everywhere he sails the Northwestern, not being able to dial down his own blistering hotness). Sig just shrugs it off with nary an "uff da," fires up a ciggie, and maintains setting strings like the true player-ass pimp he is. I'm pretty sure that's what they're getting at in this commercial:
-June 2, 2007: Sig links to the aforementioned post on his MySpace blog. I completely freak out and declare this "like rolling Christmas, my birthday, my wedding, the birth of my first child, and a Super Bowl where the Seahawks don't get flagrantly robbed by terrible officiating all into one uber-joyous occasion." Much like the geniuses at IvyGate, my awesomeness was misinterpreted as insanity by some of Sig's (far more stalkerish) MySpace fans. Sig, however, sees the truth and calls me "a hardcore Northwestern fan."
-June 4, 2007: In response to continued allegations from Sig's MySpace friends that I'm a frightening stalker, Sig DECLARES ME HIS .1 FAN! Then he exclaims "WOOT!" Can I get a "YA SURE YOU BETCHA?" (That's Norse for "What, what?!")
-June 6, 2007: I rate Sig as the hottest skipper--or any rank of seaman, for that matter--on the Bering Sea. I assert that Sig "sets an impossibly high bar for men to achieve" in terms of attractiveness and sex appeal.
-June 13, 2007: I lament the wrapping-up of "Deadliest Catch" season 3 by noting that "Sig hadn't shaved in a few days and he was thus continuing his unwitting crusade against Al Gore by ensuring that climate change continues to trend toward HOT HOT HOT." Then I throw in a classic commercial for Sea Galley just because it's fun. Man, I loved Sea Galley.
-June 17, 2007: The Deadliest fan site gives me a nod for being totally legit in the Sig Hansen adoration department.
-July 18, 2007: I note Sig Hansen's superiority in seafaring over the bastardly Danish, and bestow upon him the approval of my dead Norwegian ancestors. There's a place for you in Valhalla, Sig!
-December 10, 2007: Sig Hansen raises the 12th Man flag before a Seahawks game, thus ensuring both that the mighty Hawks lay waste to the accursed Arizona Cardinals, and that Sig was robbed in not receiving the key to the city of Seattle for his true hometown hero status.
S4 Promo
Damn, Sig, baby, I'll get my pants down if you want me to NOW. Oh, wait, did he say "pants" or "crab"? I'm pretty sure he said "Get Razzy's pants down NOW." That makes the most sense. According to me, anyway.
Labels: Daily Dude I Want to Hit, Deadliest Catch, hot dudes, seamen, uff da
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Awesome post. I do have to say that the link to your site from Sig's myspace for the "I'm a Sig Girl" post is what originally brought me to Razzy.org, and I haven't left since. Enjoy tonights show!
# posted by 
: 4/15/2008 8:00 AM
: 4/15/2008 8:00 AM
I'm an Edgar girl, but I'm a Razzy girl too! Looking forward to another season of DC blogs from you!!! :)
# posted by : 4/15/2008 2:06 PM
: 4/15/2008 2:06 PM
Razzy great post. I'm so irked that I missed last night's premiere. Will catch it later. Anyway, if you haven't seen this already, I thought you'd enjoy reading Slate's comparison of "DC" with the other "Jungereality" shows out there. It's a comparison you beat them to some time ago, but it's neat to see it put so mainstream: http://www.slate.com/id/2189175/
-Big Fan
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-Big Fan
# posted by : 4/16/2008 8:53 AM
: 4/16/2008 8:53 AM Links to this post:
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