Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Judy Davis
DOB: April 23, 1955
Occupation: actress I've never really heard of or thought about, anti-soccer mom
Hometown: Perth, Australia
Current residence: Sydney, Australia
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Judy Davis apparently wanted to move a kids' soccer practice further away from her house. She claims this is because of the danger of people getting hit by soccer balls, but the Daily Telegraph has argued that it's actually because Judy Davis hates children. As an avowed child hater myself, I too would mount the podium at my city council meeting if the issue of moving annoying-ass kids farther away from me was on the agenda rather than congestion pricing initiatives. Frankly, I'm about to write to the HBIC of the New York City Council, Christine Quinn, to see if she'll consider proposing laws to keep kids–playing soccer or otherwise–the fuck away from me. Councilwoman Quinn is a big old muff diver so maybe if I ask her to replace soccer fields with lezzie bars, she'll be more conducive to this proposition. There are too many children in New York City, and not nearly enough places to pick up hot broads, so this is a win-win in my book.
Unfortunately, Judy Davis is a reluctant hero, and is suing the Daily Telegraph for defamation due to their portraying her as a "child hater." This is disappointing, because if a tabloid portrayed me as a child hater, I would send them a case of Heineken and blow the editor to express my gratitude. Kids are totally annoying, especially when they're playing soccer. Man, I hated soccer even when I played it (this may have something to do with the fact that I totally sucked at it). I hated the obnoxious parents who were more invested in the game than their own kids, I hated the stupid orange wedges that passed as the postgame snack of choice, I hated the shinguards, and I hated the uniform that said "Betschart Plumbing" that I had to wear. I really hated having to get up early to be surrounded by shrieking children. Now that I am almost thirty and well out of childhood, my tolerance for said shrieking children is negligible. A relaxing, peaceful walk through Central Park can turn instantly into a hypertensive, pissed-off ordeal should I happen to walk by a damn kids' soccer game. So child hater or not, I salute Judy Davis for trying to keep flying soccer balls and the brats kicking them as far away from her as possible.
Labels: Daily Dude I Want to Hit, destroy all children, hot chicks
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