Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Lesbian riot! Go Pioneers!
My friend DanRubin is an editor at a major sports magazine, and he is in charge of the college sports department, so he spends all day surfing the internets looking for interesting sports-related college news stories. Today, he stumbled on this story, and naturally immediately passed along the link, along with a preemptory "you're welcome." Obviously anything with the headline "LESBIAN RIOT AT SMITH COLLEGE!" is worth my time reading.
Basically, the Smith College Republican Club invited some moron named Ryan Sorba (not to be confused with Kevin Sorbo of "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" fame) to speak. Ryan Sorba wrote some (currently unpublished) book called The Born Gay Hoax, in which he basically hates on homos and tries to use his experience taking Psych 101 at Cal State to disprove the theory that those of us who like to get a little hot same-sex action were born this way. I guess it fits that he went all the way to Northampton to speak about it, since the only place this might be true is actually at Smith, where there are LUGs (Lesbian Until Graduation, AKA the "Four Year Plan") in abundance. Presumably Ryan Sorba wrote this to try and convince himself that there's got to be some other reason for his lifelong attraction to men than him being inherently a big old sausage sucker. I assume he went the intellectual route for being a self-loathing Uncle Tom 'mo after he realized that as a rather slight, wimpy dude, the standard college-age male strategy for homosexual self-denial (calling random guys "fags" and threatening to beat their asses for existing) wasn't going to work out.
This is pretty typical of the Smith College Republicans. Granted, I'm KIND OF a Republican, but trust that I didn't hang out with those bitches at Smith (like my hero, John McCain, I'm a "maverick"). They were all the prototypical "pearls and penny loafers" Smith girls, who spent all their time complaining about the gays and feeling discriminated against for being privileged prissy rich princesses parroting their daddies' political beliefs on account of having no personality of their own. Basically, they were a bunch of dumb snatches who just wanted to make a club facilitating a group whine-a-thon about all the outspoken dykes taking over campus with their Subarus and wide-wale cords and bleeding heart politics, and rendering the campus a very Babs Bush/Nancy Reagan-unfriendly environment. The Smith Republicans are usually such a bunch of predictable twats that hiring some wannabe author with similarly reactionary homophobic beliefs is a pretty standard move from their playbook. Equally predictable as the Smith Republicans' poor choice of simple-minded bigots as seminar speakers is the reaction of the substantially larger LBT community at Smith: a peaceable riot.
The lesbians eventually got so loud that Ryan Sorba was shamed into sitting down. The best part of the video is when the obvious Republican (denoted by her neutral-toned blazer, tasteful brooch, and Ann Taylor slacks) starts frantically trying to decide what to do in the midst of a churning sea of ugly haircuts. Smith hasn't changed a bit since I completed matriculating there eight years ago. Ahhh...memories.
The only thing I have a problem with on the lesbians' end is their chant. I'm so sick of that tired old "We're here! We're queer! Get over it!" line. That's been in rotation since fucking Stonewall! Not that Smith lesbians are known for their creativity, since most come in roughly three flavors (Sporting Lesbian, Plain Lesbian, Androgynous Lesbian), but find some new protest chant already. I would be a lot more impressed if they'd marched into the meeting singing "Born to eat puss-ay" (to the tune of "Born in the USA"...DUH!) or something like that. If they can't think of anything as good as that, they could at least regurgitate some old Team Dresch lyrics. Anything besides that played-out "We're here! We're queer!" chant peppered with enthusiastic shrieks and woo-hooing. Switch it up for the next riot, gals!
The only thing I have a problem with on the lesbians' end is their chant. I'm so sick of that tired old "We're here! We're queer! Get over it!" line. That's been in rotation since fucking Stonewall! Not that Smith lesbians are known for their creativity, since most come in roughly three flavors (Sporting Lesbian, Plain Lesbian, Androgynous Lesbian), but find some new protest chant already. I would be a lot more impressed if they'd marched into the meeting singing "Born to eat puss-ay" (to the tune of "Born in the USA"...DUH!) or something like that. If they can't think of anything as good as that, they could at least regurgitate some old Team Dresch lyrics. Anything besides that played-out "We're here! We're queer!" chant peppered with enthusiastic shrieks and woo-hooing. Switch it up for the next riot, gals!
Labels: assholes, Dumb Smith bitches, lezbollah, vulgar display of faggotry
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I can't decide which group of Smithies look more idiotic, the young republicans or the stampeding angry queers.
Was college really like this for you? SMH
Was college really like this for you? SMH
# posted by 
: 5/07/2008 2:01 PM
: 5/07/2008 2:01 PM
Well what do you expect a buch of strong unashamed Smith women to do, sit quietly while this conservative far right bigot diminshes our identities? If you wouldn't do the same then you are a shame to our college. Be a woman not a girl and stand up for whats right.
# posted by : 5/08/2008 2:59 PM
: 5/08/2008 2:59 PM
I am so embarrassed that I went to Smith right now ... I mean, "We're here, we're queer, get used to it!" They really should come up with a better slogan, and also a better method to get their point across - I think this video just shows how renarded/immature they all look, chanting that dumb slogan.
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