Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Daily Douchebag: John McCain's teleprompter
DOB: sometime in the last year or two
Occupation: fucking up straight talk
Hometown: probably China
Current residence: Kenner, Louisiana
Douchebaggery: So if you don't live under a rock or on The Island from "Lost," you know that last night, Barack Obama secured all the delegates needed for the Democratic nomination. I got home right in time to see him give yet another hope-change-blah blah blah speech to an arena full of Obamaniacs going crazy in Minnesota. He specifically did this in Minnesota, rather than in Montana where he won his final primary, because that's where the Republican convention is going to be and he wanted to stick it to McCain. That became apparent when his rousing oratory included a bunch of backhanded compliments dissing my man McCain, such as "I respect all of Senator McCain's accomplishments, even if he chooses to deny mine."
I expected McCain to return the favor and start talking trash about Obama. At first I thought this was going well, because I saw an excerpt of his speech in which he stressed his history of bipartisanship and his decades of tireless service to America. He seemed humble. I was like, "Any minute now, he's going to say something awesome about how he's going to own Obama come November." LL Cool Jew then texted me, "I'm sorry, mccains speech was pathetic." Uh oh, I thought.
So I watched more of the speech and realized that it certainly wasn't McCain's greatest moment in public speaking. He kept fucking up because he was having trouble with the teleprompter, which made him appear somewhat feeble and confused. Even Mort Kondracke from FOX News said he looked "old," and to have a crusty old geezer like Kondracke say that means he REALLY looked old. Like pop in a rerun of Lawrence Welk and break out the Werther's Originals old.
If you read the text of his speech, it's actually not bad at all. He immediately starts assuring the public that he is not running for George W. Bush's third term (if I believed he were, by the way, I would NOT vote for him, as while I love bush when it means "pussy," I HATE Bush when it means "inept, corrupt president"), and explains how severely he disagrees with the Bush administration's management of the war. This is one of the primary reasons I am voting for McCain. I hate the Iraq War (and I don't think ANYONE likes it or thinks it was a good idea), but now that we are there, our brave troops and the people of Iraq deserve to have it handled by someone who will look out for their best interests and the interests of the American people, rather than covering their asses politically and sinking deeper into the quagmire as Bush has done. He also points out that things would get even more fucked up if we just say, "Oops, sorry, our bad!" and blindly withdraw as Obama would like us to do.
However, thanks to the teleprompter dicking around McCain's game, he didn't get this out in a way that was stirring or galvanizing. Next to Obama's typical motivational speaker style, he looked like a shambling old man. I blame the teleprompter, because there's no way McCain would look that way if it weren't for technical difficulties. If McCain can handle five years at the Hanoi Hilton, he can handle a little speech about his own awesomeness. He can also certainly READ, so I doubt that his ability to "use" the teleprompter was an issue. It had to be some kind of teleprompter malfunction. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Therefore, I say a big "FUCK YOU" to the teleprompter and expect that those issues will be resolved now that McCain is gearing up to totally own Obama in the general election campaign. JOHN! MC! CAIN! JOHN! MC! CAIN!
Labels: an officer and a hot piece, computer incompetence, Daily Douchebag, John McCain, politics
Comments:
Links to this post:
<< Home
Teleprompter, huh? Nice try razzy. Your candidate sucks.
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/6/4/0037/43403/935/528924
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/03/the-lime-green-monster-mc_n_105044.html
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/6/4/0037/43403/935/528924
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/03/the-lime-green-monster-mc_n_105044.html
But does Obama have the testicular fortitude to accept Mac's challenge? No reporters, no vetted questions, no canned responses; just two men and a cammera, mano-a-mano, showing what they've got for all the world to see. That's how Mac likes it - a dog fight between two adversaries. Lets see how the Golden Boy does when he can't fall back on a fawning press corps to save his delicate ass.
Two men enter, one man leaves.
John Mc-Cain! John Mc-Cain! John Mc-Cain!
Two men enter, one man leaves.
John Mc-Cain! John Mc-Cain! John Mc-Cain!
# posted by 
: 6/04/2008 3:11 PM
: 6/04/2008 3:11 PM
Altho I love you Razz. McCain is inept.
Obama is no better albeit in a different sense.
I cannot allow you blame an underling on J.Macs habitual aloofness.( this will be proven as the race continues, bet on it)
Moreover, every time he is on the spot, he can only get one thing 100% spot on..........Pre-emptive war. i.e. usa Hegemony
and no, I am not a paulian, obamainac nor a clinton-ite.
Obama is no better albeit in a different sense.
I cannot allow you blame an underling on J.Macs habitual aloofness.( this will be proven as the race continues, bet on it)
Moreover, every time he is on the spot, he can only get one thing 100% spot on..........Pre-emptive war. i.e. usa Hegemony
and no, I am not a paulian, obamainac nor a clinton-ite.
# posted by : 6/05/2008 2:26 AM
: 6/05/2008 2:26 AM
You say that no one likes the Iraq war or thinks it was a good idea. That is almost true. But there is a very small band of people who are so deluded, they will keep believing in this war no matter how many thousands have to lose their lives.
And guess who belongs to that very exclusive club? Your guy, John McCain!
I completely agree with you that the situation has to be handled carefully, that we can't just pull out our troops and let the place go to hell. That would be crazy. But I don't think that's what Obama, or any Democrat, is proposing.
And it is definitely not a good idea to trust the judgment of someone like McCain, who has been so wrong on this war every single time.
I'm not just lumping him together with Bush and Cheney and the other neocon psychopaths. He, McCain himself, said a bunch of that crazy shit about how it would be a cakewalk, we'd be greeted as liberators, etc. Why would you trust him to handle this complicated situation now, given that his analysis of it has been totally dumb-assed every step of the way?
Post a Comment
And guess who belongs to that very exclusive club? Your guy, John McCain!
I completely agree with you that the situation has to be handled carefully, that we can't just pull out our troops and let the place go to hell. That would be crazy. But I don't think that's what Obama, or any Democrat, is proposing.
And it is definitely not a good idea to trust the judgment of someone like McCain, who has been so wrong on this war every single time.
I'm not just lumping him together with Bush and Cheney and the other neocon psychopaths. He, McCain himself, said a bunch of that crazy shit about how it would be a cakewalk, we'd be greeted as liberators, etc. Why would you trust him to handle this complicated situation now, given that his analysis of it has been totally dumb-assed every step of the way?
# posted by : 6/05/2008 8:12 PM
: 6/05/2008 8:12 PM Links to this post:
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
