Monday, June 02, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Gianna Vigliotti
RAZZY Note: This is not Gianna Vigliotti. Gianna's Facebook profile is set to private, so I couldn't get hold of a decent sized picture of her, and her profile pic thumbnail was a barely viewable four-paneled Andy Warhol MacBook picture anyway. Therefore, I just went over to guidofistpump.com and found a picture of a lovely lady who most closely approximates what I imagine Gianna looks like. Okay, so maybe this girl is from Jersey rather than Strong Island, but whatever. Same difference.
DOB: 1991 (???--and holy shit, I feel old remembering that today's idiot teens were born in the 90s)
Occupation: creative liar, drunk driver, makeout slut
Hometown: Commack, New York (per her Facebook)
Current residence: Manhasset, New York
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Normally I don't applaud drunk drivers, since even though I have--ahem--driven around after more than a few cocktails before, it's nothing I'm proud of, and I'm glad I live in New York City now where this is not an issue for me since I don't have a car and there are cabs everywhere. However, I have to give 17-year-old Gianna props for her rock star skills at trying to skate on a DUI.
Last Friday, Gianna's Volkswagen was spotted weaving around some main street in Long Island, and she was pulled over. Despite insisting that she hadn't been drinking, cops found beers under her seat and an empty beer can in her purse. Then, when she blew a 0.15 on the breathalyzer she broke out the excuses. In spite of having a blood alcohol level almost twice the legal limit and beer everywhere, she claimed she hadn't been drinking. All she had been doing, she said, was making out with a drunk guy.
That must have been some session of sucking face with a guy who must have been OBSCENELY drunk, since I've never heard of being able to ingest enough alcohol to be tipped over twice the legal limit just by some deep Frenching. Dude either has to slobber something serious and has salivary glands that excrete grain alcohol or Gianna's just a dumb teenager telling a total whopper of a lie. While the truth is probably more along the lines of the latter, I have to applaud Gianna for her balls in coming up with this excuse for being DUI. I've never heard of anyone saying they failed a breathalyzer for being a sober makeout slut, so props to her for originality. Maybe my buddy HotLawyer, who defends drunk driver clients all the time, should consider this as leverage for negotiating pleas in DUI cases. Then again, most of his clients are probably DUI for meth being that he practices in the great P-N-Dub, AKA the tweaker capital of North America, but still. It could work.
Labels: alcoholism, crime and punishment, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, sluts
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