RazzyBlog

Name: Laurie Walker Dhue

DOB: February 10, 1969

Occupation: cable news anchor and correspondent

Hometown: Atlanta, Georgia

Current residence: New York, New York

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Back when she was working at America's most freedom-loving news network, some of my pals on the production staff there had the opportunity to work with the legendary Laurie Dhue.  I already knew that Laurie was one of the most lusted-after cable news anchors thanks to her mile-long legs, her fondness for short skirts and high boots, and her heavily shellacked TV news face.  What I did not know is that Laurie is a force to be reckoned with.  Twathopper told me that the first time she met her, Laurie grabbed her hand with a bone-crushing grip and said in a surprisingly mannish voice, "LAURIE DHUE, nice to meetcha."  Twathopper feebly managed back, "Uh...Twat.  Hopper?  Nice to meet you too."

I heard an even more entertaining story on New Year's Eve from some guy who was an acquaintance of my news producer friends.  Apparently, Laurie Dhue took a shine to him.  Why, I can't imagine, because although this dude thought he was hot shit, he was NOT attractive.  In fact, he was a short hobbit of a man with a bushy salt-and-pepper beard and unkempt eyebrows who wouldn't shut up about the lame-ass band he was in.  One of my friends even suggested that maybe I would like this guy before he showed up at our party, and when he did I castigated her for thinking I had such poor taste.  I mean, he not only has a goatee, but a LONG goatee.  I have better things to do than try to bang some diminutive cable news lackey in his mid-30s with facial hair reminiscent of the Billy Goats Gruff who thinks he's hot shit because he's in some shitty band trying to recapitulate the magic of Hoobastank.  However, Laurie Dhue seemingly did not experience the same repulsion and, despite towering over him at 6'3", aggressively pursued him.

Apparently, they met at a work happy hour, and she inquired whether or not he wanted to grab some dinner after drinks.  "I'm not really hungry," he said.

"WRONG ANSWER!" bellowed Laurie Dhue.

Terrified of the blonde giantess demanding his supper company, this guy immediately complied.  So he went to dinner with Laurie Dhue, and when she demanded he take her home afterward, he complied and fucked her.  Apparently they hit it a few times after that.  According to this guy, he said he had to cut her loose, but given Laurie's formidable presence, I bet she just got tired and kicked his fug bass-playing ass to the curb.

While I may not share Laurie Dhue's taste in men, I certainly applaud her tactics.  I am pretty forward and aggressive when it comes to closing the deal with my prospective sex partners, but I don't recall any time I've ever asked a guy out and when he declined, forcefully declared that a "WRONG ANSWER!" to a room full of people.  That takes balls down to the floor and a bossy sense of entitlement that only the hottest slag at FOX News can boast.  I am sad that Laurie was unable to come to terms while renegotiating her contract and left FOX in March, because I enjoyed thinking "WRONG ANSWER!" and "LAURIE DHUE, nice to meetcha" every time I flipped on FOX News and saw her hot ass breaking down the news or bantering with O'Reilly or Geraldo on their shows.