Wednesday, June 25, 2008
(Ho Rofra's) Daily Dude I Want to Hit: The Dazzle Dancers
Name: Cherry Dazzle, Houdini Shalom Dazzle, Dazzle Dazzle, Vinnie Dazzle, DT Dazzle, Edible Dazzle, Hole Dazzle, Machine Dazzle, Prettyboy Dazzle, Chalupa Dazzle, Propecia Destiny Dazzle, Robbie Dazzle, Sochny Dazzle, Negro Noir Dazzle, Besame Dazzle, Rinky Dinky Dazzle, Chunky Cupcake Dazzle, Booty du Chef Dazzle, Smokey D Dazzle, ... + "a diverse and ever-changing membership, unified by [the] commitment to Dazzle in this often dreary world".
DOB: 1996
Occupation: dressing like American-Gladiators-Gone-Wild, hangin with celebs, saving the world
Hometown: New York, New York
Current residence: New York, New York
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: In their own words: "The Dazzle Dancers are the ultimate party intoxicants. [They] have been known to get crowds into frenzies that haven't been seen since Greco-Roman times. [They] are that swiveling, sexy garnish that makes your event one of those nights people never forget. It's almost guaranteed that by the time [they] are done, people will be on their feet dancing, and everyone will be kind of horny."
Ok. First off, they seriously get paid for what they do. I know what you're thinking... "So do most strippers." BUT. The Dazzle Dancers aren't strippers. Their stage-presence resembles 6 a.m. at a rave party, right when your E stops working. Yet, they've shared a stage with Blondie, The Scissor Sisters, FischerSpooner, Le Tigre, Nina Hagen, Jody Watley, Princess Superstar, Laura Branigan, Kate Pierson, Sandra Berhnard, and MC Hammer. That's right. I said MC fucking Hammer.
Plus, they're super accommodating: "Upon your request, we will get naked (always a crowd pleaser) or remain respectfully in our satin thongs and just smile flirtatiously." See? When's the last time you were given that option?
But... On a serious note... The Dazzle Dancers aren't just about dancing around mostly-naked. They're about dancing around mostly-naked in pursuit of world-peace: "Our goals, however, extend beyond mere spectacle. We are committed to spreading a message of love and sexual freedom. We battle the forces of blandness, fear, and isolation so common in our clenched culture of coffee franchises, fear marketing, and money worship. All of this is accomplished through the powerful forces of dance, glitter, and fun." ...And by "fun" they mean "glitter-coated genitalia barely covered by neon animal-print fabric".
And they really totally mean it. They are seriously patriotic (see Spiderman-style picture above) and lifted our nation's spirits during a time of need: "In October 2001, we danced through the streets of downtown New York, only weeks after the September 11 attacks, to give people a sorely needed sexy smile."
So yeah... They're basically saving the world. AND with impeccable style. Even Penthouse said "they all look pretty damn amazing in their pasties and sparkles". So true.
Labels: artfaggotry, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, Ho Rofra, neon, nudity, saving the world
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