Wednesday, June 25, 2008
"We Can't Explain It to Children" is the new "Fuckin' Faggots"
In this day and age, homophobia is just as unpopular as being gay used to be in mainstream society. Therefore, homophobes have to resort to new and clever means of getting their bigotry out there to discriminate against gays without looking like a total asshole. The most popular means of nice-guy gay bashing seems to be "how are we going to explain that to our kids?" People saying this seem to have the attitude that children are incapable of comprehending same-sex hotness, which is simply not true. When I was a little kid, I found the whole concept of homos mysterious and fascinating. That's probably because I'm kind of gay, but I feel that even burgeoning non-bisexual skank hetero kids can handle the truth when it comes to the fact that some people are more inclined to jam with people of their own gender. Normal, decent people should be able to accept that being gay isn't a big deal and explaining that gay people exist shouldn't be any different than explaining to a kid that the sky is blue and grass is green.
However, since the types of jackasses who have some dumb reason for hating the gays (probably because they ARE gay) seem to think otherwise, this now seems to be the order of the day for infringing upon gay people's civil rights. Not too long ago, the staff at Safeco Field cracked down on hot lesbian makeout sessions at Mariners games because people couldn't explain it to their children. Honestly, if I were a parent, I'd have a much harder time explaining to my kid why I spent money on tickets to watch the shittiest team in baseball while surrounded by ushers and homophobes who, judging by their reaction to two hot lesbian strippers sucking face, obviously hate fun. Do parents feel the need to explain it to their kids when they see a heterosexual couple kissing? Hell to the no! So I can't understand why these idiots think saying "oh, my kids won't understand" is an adequate excuse for denying the queers these same rights. Their kids probably already understand, at least if, like my parents, they buy them more Barbies than Ken dolls. Half of my Barbies were sushi-suckers strictly because I was constantly suffering a severe shortage of Kens for them to make out with. Besides, kids these days are savvy, what with their Grand Theft Auto and their MyFaces and Spacebooks and iPods and the like. With internets access like kids have these days, they've probably seen hardcore anal orgies by the age of six. Kids don't have a problem with gay people having the audacity to be gay in front of them, asshole parents; YOU have a problem with it!
This trend seems to have made its way across the pond to the UK, where Heinz pulled this commercial for "deli mayo" because of the extremely G-rated man-to-man kiss at the end of it. The reason? According to the Telegraph, because it was "offensive" and "unsuitable to be seen by children," partly because of the "difficulty" parents would have explaining it to their kids.
Are you kidding? This was "offensive"? I think the concept of caramelized onion-flavored mayo is more offensive than the completely nonsexual guy-guy makeout sesh at the end of the commercial. And how is this difficult to explain? Just say, "Imagine what would happen if your mom turned into a wisecracking New York deli guy" (although in fairness, if they really wanted to capture the authentic New York deli experience, the deli guy would be a short, sweaty man from Yemen and he'd be jabbering on his cellphone earpiece in rapid Arabic rather than calling anyone "sweet cheeks"). This is not difficult to explain. What's more difficult to explain to the kids is that their parents are raging bigots who are so insecure and uncomfortable with homosexuality that they are using their children as a lame excuse because they don't have the balls to just admit that they don't approve of gay people.
Are you kidding? This was "offensive"? I think the concept of caramelized onion-flavored mayo is more offensive than the completely nonsexual guy-guy makeout sesh at the end of the commercial. And how is this difficult to explain? Just say, "Imagine what would happen if your mom turned into a wisecracking New York deli guy" (although in fairness, if they really wanted to capture the authentic New York deli experience, the deli guy would be a short, sweaty man from Yemen and he'd be jabbering on his cellphone earpiece in rapid Arabic rather than calling anyone "sweet cheeks"). This is not difficult to explain. What's more difficult to explain to the kids is that their parents are raging bigots who are so insecure and uncomfortable with homosexuality that they are using their children as a lame excuse because they don't have the balls to just admit that they don't approve of gay people.
What I'd like to know is what's coming next in this brave new world of pussified bigotry. Are people going to start saying that interracial couples shouldn't be allowed to display affection in public because they won't be able to explain it to their precious children? This is pathetic and I am offended that Heinz, Safeco Field, and whoever else are actually even listening to these homo haters, much less acquiescing to their demands. I almost prefer the days when homophobes ran about freely saying "faggot" and "dyke," since at least those pricks were up front about their views and not making halfassed excuses about their children in order to be a spiteful dick and still save face. Reverend Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps may be insane, but at least he's honest about his hatred, which is a lot more than I can say for these "concerned parents" who attribute their homophobia to an inability to communicate with their own children. When Fred Phelps seems like a more upstanding, respectable citizen than you, that's when you've REALLY got problems. Eat some same-sex genitals, you pussy gay bashers.
Labels: assholes, lezbollah, ranting, retard rage, scathing indictments, vulgar display of faggotry
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This has to be one of the funniest commercials I've ever seen. Absolutely fucking classic. All proper UK English, and then all of a sudden, a deli worker from Brooklyn. You just can't get any better. And the parting line just made me crack up. That said, didn't anyone ever think of the really, absurdly simple explanation to our nation's young'uns? "It's an actor. Supposed to be mom, but is a deli worker. It's funny." Then again, we're in a world where common sense is going more and more out the window. Stop the planet, please, good sir. I'd like to get off.
+1 for razzy
i am fuming when it comes to the extent that lazy/bad parents will go to, to not have to do some parenting or explaining to their children. FUCK YOU LAZY BITCHFUCKPARENTS! talk to your kids... or better yet, get rid of them if you're so fucking lazy, maybe they would do better with a set of GAY foster parents.
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i am fuming when it comes to the extent that lazy/bad parents will go to, to not have to do some parenting or explaining to their children. FUCK YOU LAZY BITCHFUCKPARENTS! talk to your kids... or better yet, get rid of them if you're so fucking lazy, maybe they would do better with a set of GAY foster parents.
# posted by 
: 6/26/2008 4:38 PM
: 6/26/2008 4:38 PM Links to this post:
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