Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Daily Douchebag: Website Source
Name: Website Source
DOB: ???–at least since 2005, when I started using their services
Occupation: the shittiest hosting company in the history of the internets
Hometown: ???
Current residence: ???
Douchebaggery: It's no secret that I'm pretty fucking clueless when it comes to the technical aspects of webmastering. I can write and edit like a pro ho, but if anything involving "code" or "root files" or "proxy servers" comes up, I'm completely lost. I suppose I could take a class or something, but that would take actual time, so fuck that. I expect that my hosting company would take care of helping me based on their marketing materials that suggest they are conducive to website-related dumbassery. Too bad they're a bunch of big liars.
I signed up with Website Source when I started my site because they charge $7 a month for hosting. I realize that you get what you pay for, but if that's the case, then Website Source should quit putting things on their website like this:
LIES! I had to buy a big "Webmastery for Dummies" tome to even explain how I could use different software to design my website (and yes, I know the rest of RAZZY.org is a neglected shitshow, but it's not like anyone comes here for the flashy graphics unless that term counts titty pictures). Every time I e-mail the tech support guys, I get some incredibly patronizing response along the lines of "modify this or that in your root files, you dumb idiot." Okay, the "dumb idiot" part may not actually be included, but its implication is incredibly palpable in every e-mail we've ever exchanged. One time, when I e-mailed that I had no idea what the fuck a ".htaccess" file was or where it was located, I was instructed to GOOGLE it. I may be incompetent, but I do know how to use Google, and I could have figured that part out myself. I assumed that the "little technical knowledge" the above Josie Bissett wannabe seems so happy about meant that the tech support people could explain this kind of shit to me instead of forcing me to go dig through some tech geek's blog and decipher a bunch of jargon I don't understand. Apparently, the "more resources" they tout just mean their tech support staffers respond to pleas for help with withering condescension.
This is even more aggravating considering that Website Source is off their game in terms of providing a quality service. Half the time I go to publish my blog, it gets hung up in some sort of endless holding pattern of FTP transfer. FTP is one of the few things I vaguely understand, so I know that when Blogger tells me "your publish is taking longer than expected," it's because Website Source is slacking on picking up the files I'm trying to transfer to my domain server. This pisses me off like you wouldn't believe, because Website Source makes it sound like their cheap-ass hosting plan includes all kinds of high-tech bells and whistles:
Whatever "Helix Streaming Media" is, I don't know, but it sounds fancy and high-tech. And I bet all those acronyms–like CMS, CRM, and ASP–stand for something cutting-edge. Also, that H-Sphere's pseudo-atomic structure implies that Website Source's hosting technology is at the forefront of low cost website servers. Those "Linux" and "FreeBSD" electrons revolving around the H-Sphere nucleus remind me of chemistry and physics, and those are hard, so Website Source must really know what they're doing if they're fucking with all that. Too bad they SUCK HORRIBLY. In addition to dropping the ball on the FTP tip, they offer the world's crappiest e-mail software, and their other services are downright appalling. The other day, I noticed that the "control panel" on my account offered a "URL redirect" service. People have been bugging me for a while to move the blog to the front page of my site, since it's the only part I ever update and the rest of the site sucks hard. I have not, because not only do I not know how, but I fear I might somehow irreparably tinker with file paths or whatever and fuck my entire site into oblivion. So I figured that I could use Website Source's purportedly idiot-proof URL redirect function to divert traffic from the main page to the blog. WRONG. Although I do know how to type "razzy.org" and "razzy.org/RazzyBlog/razzyblog.html," the redirect URL started redirecting everything uncontrollably and caused the browser to crash every time you went to either page. I cursed out my computer screen and changed it back.
The moral of the story here is that if you are like me and want to have a website in spite of the fact that you think "FreeBSD" means "free buttsex dick," DON'T USE WEBSITE SOURCE! For one thing, they totally suck dangling Cisco Adler balls. For another, like me, you're probably too inept to switch to a different hosting provider offering similar subpar services for less than $10 a month. Then again, you might not be able to heed my warning because it's anyone's guess whether I'll even be able to successfully publish this post.
Labels: computer incompetence, Daily Douchebag, Razzification, scathing indictments
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OK Razzy, I think I may be able to help you here. For years, I too had mega problems with these fucked up fly by night webhosting companies so I know what you mean.
Last year I found a real company, a good one, that has inexpensive shit and is not some deal that some asswipes run out of their parent's garage.
You don't have to be an Internet(s) genius to use their shit either, and they have (gasp!) real people available at all times to help you out when you need it. They also have decent security, so they are able to keep those fucking no life hackers out of their shit, so your site stays up almost all the time, those little cunts cannot keep knocking it out.
Go to http://www.superbhosting.net and check it for yourself. However, be aware that they are based in Vancouver, as we all know how you feel about Canada, and they also have more than a few people working there that have English as a second (or even third) language, but it is not a real problem. I've had my site for seven years now, and this company is by far the best I have ever been with, and they would have zero complaints about or restrictions on your website and its content so you might like to give them a try.
Last year I found a real company, a good one, that has inexpensive shit and is not some deal that some asswipes run out of their parent's garage.
You don't have to be an Internet(s) genius to use their shit either, and they have (gasp!) real people available at all times to help you out when you need it. They also have decent security, so they are able to keep those fucking no life hackers out of their shit, so your site stays up almost all the time, those little cunts cannot keep knocking it out.
Go to http://www.superbhosting.net and check it for yourself. However, be aware that they are based in Vancouver, as we all know how you feel about Canada, and they also have more than a few people working there that have English as a second (or even third) language, but it is not a real problem. I've had my site for seven years now, and this company is by far the best I have ever been with, and they would have zero complaints about or restrictions on your website and its content so you might like to give them a try.
seriously if you have computer crap you need help with shoot me an im and I'll try to walk you through it because i like people who can make me laugh and are more cynical than me...
ASP- Active Server Page(Means they are running a Microsoft Server)
PHP- PHP:Hypertext processor or Personal Homepage...usually means a linux server.
ASP and PHP both try to allow you to have dynamic, changeable content
CMS- Content management system...A fancy way of saying a really nice website template that makes it harder for people to break your website.
CRM- customer relationship management...you'll never have to know what this means unless you are an it nerd, a BA, or Project/Program manager
...seriously
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ASP- Active Server Page(Means they are running a Microsoft Server)
PHP- PHP:Hypertext processor or Personal Homepage...usually means a linux server.
ASP and PHP both try to allow you to have dynamic, changeable content
CMS- Content management system...A fancy way of saying a really nice website template that makes it harder for people to break your website.
CRM- customer relationship management...you'll never have to know what this means unless you are an it nerd, a BA, or Project/Program manager
...seriously
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