Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Daily "Dushbag": Roger Clemens
Name: William Roger Clemens
DOB: August 4, 1962
Occupation: disgraced steroid-using Major League Baseball pitcher
Hometown: Dayton, Ohio
Current residence: Houston, Texas
Anyone who has ever donned the uniform of the most hateful team in the history of baseball gets no love from me. Clemens did it on two separate occasions, and I'd be willing to bet that if he hadn't been named in that whole Mitchell Report to-do, he'd probably be coming out of fake retirement yet again to sign another absurd contract with the Bronx Bastards. In addition to juicing, cheating on and with his wife, and playing for the Yankees, I now realize Roger Clemens pisses me off for yet another reason: the idiot can't spell.
According to some hilarious e-mails published by The Smoking Gun as part of his favored steroid injector Brian McNamee filing in federal court seeking dismissal of a defamation suit Clemens filed, he not only reminds us of his deeply ingrained narcissism by signing all his e-mails "22" and having an e-mail address including the term "Rocket," he also shows why he chose baseball over parlaying his University of Texas degree into a more scholarly career, starting with his inability to distinguish different forms of the word "there" and to properly spell two words I am intimately acquainted with: "douchebag" and "lawsuits." Not that Brian McNamee's spelling is any better, since he asks Clemens to "keep in trouch" after being told by Clemens to "stay hot" and seeks to "appolagize" for statements made to the press. Granted, I don't expect either the steroid-procuring "trainer" McNamee or Clemens to be world-class masters of the written word, but I would expect that a man who delivers sagacious proverbs like "Don't GET IN A PISSING CONTEST WITH A SKUNK" would have learned that one of the world's greatest pejorative terms is not spelled "dushbag." At the very least, one would expect that he'd realize that the threat of "law suites" doesn't inspire much terror in whatever sports reporter was covering the Clemens-specific aspects of the Mitchell Report.
I really enjoy disliking Roger Clemens. My hatred for him is like a fine wine that improves with aging. As time passes, thanks to Clemens's own actions, I discover all sorts of delicious subtleties which make my disdain so much more eminently satisfying. Stay hot, loser.
Labels: assholes, Daily Douchebag, fuck the Yankees, sportsmen
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