Friday, July 18, 2008
In today's horrible news...
What the hell happened to Nathaniel "Nate Dogg" Hale? I haven't been keeping up with Nate Dogg-related news lately and I just assumed he was up to his usual hijinx: hitting the east side of the LBC on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G, telling women that if they can't fuck that day to just lay back and open their mouths, having hoes in area codes, smoking weed every day, and the like. I was shocked out of this complacent attitude about Nate Dogg's current activities when I saw some startling news on the gossip internets.
Yesterday the master of West Coast hook-singing showed up in a Compton courthouse to be arraigned on felony charges of stalking! Apparently, his estranged wife accused him of sending some threatening e-mails and following her on a freeway. Obviously, this must have been a misunderstanding, because I can only imagine he was just trying to coax her to the East Side Motel or something far less sinister than actually doing any kind of felony stalking. Nate Dogg hired Mark Geragos and pled not fucking guilty, posted his $100,000 bond, and is ready to clear his venerated name.
I am also suspicious of these charges, because Nate Dogg isn't all that threatening these days. He showed up to court looking feeble and rolling in a wheelchair, and a quick search of the internets informed me that this is due to the STROKE he had last Christmas!
How did I not know that Nate Dogg was rocking it until the wheels fall off in a damn WHEELCHAIR? This is an inexcusable oversight on my part. No wonder he hasn't been singing any catchy hooks lately. He's been in occupational therapy. This also makes me wonder about the plausibility of him making any credible threats against his wife. I mean, what the hell is Nate Dogg going to do, drool at her? I can't imagine that being tailed by an emaciated, partially paralyzed hook singer in a Lark scooter could have been all that frightening. I'm confident that Nate Dogg will prove his innocence and get back to recovering from his cerebrovascular accident.
And to prevent any further ignorance on my part, I'm setting a Google alert for "Nate Dogg" as of now-thirty.
Labels: crime and punishment, hot dudes, tragedy
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