Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Daily Douchebag: Katy Perry
Name: Katheryn Hudson
DOB: October 25, 1984
Occupation: dumbass
Hometown: Santa Barbara, California
Current residence: Hollywood, California
Douchebaggery: When I was visiting my friend LL Cool Jew a while back in New Orleans, we were driving around and there was a commercial on the rap station (which in the Crescent City is basically an all-Lil' Wayne channel). "Let's listen to the teenager station!" she said, and changed the channel. Then that "I Kissed a Girl" song came on the radio. LL Cool Jew stopped compulsively twirling her hair and a look of horror came on her face as she listened to the lyrics.
"You're my experimental game?" LL Cool Jew asked. "Is this for fucking real?"
"Dude, this is like the #1 download on iTunes, and it has been for a while," I said.
"It's not what good girls do? I hope my boyfriend don't mind it?!" LL Cool Jew continued, looking progressively more disgusted. "I didn't know exploitive faux lesbianism was the new rebellion!"
"Go figure, dude," I said. "Thanks to Tila Tequila, all the dumb bitches on MySpace are now aware that making out with chicks is a great way to get guys' attention."
LL Cool Jew continued to shake her head with a look of stern disapproval on her face (thank God she didn't hear Katy Perry's OTHER song, "Ur So Gay"), and cleansed our musical palette by switching back to the Lil' Wayne channel. She's also not the first of my friends to find Katy Perry's ode to dyke-to-be-liked offensive. FalloniusMonk summed it up perfectly. "Enough of this Katy Perry horseshit. This isn't about Chapstick. It's about pussy."
I think that myself and all my friends with an ounce of gayness are deeply annoyed that a former gospel singer like Katy Perry has appropriated lesbianism as some kind of cheap ploy for attention. Although I generally bust on lezzies regularly and act very cavalier about my predilection for some hot girl-on-girl, being (partially) gay is still a struggle sometimes. When I was trying to cope with being a lesbian teenager in Catholic school, I read a lot of (Smith alumna) Sylvia Plath and filled about fifty notebooks with appalling poetry and spent a lot of time crying. I felt like a freak and my psychotic ex-girlfriend did little to make coming to terms with my sexuality any easier. Even as an adult, it took me a long time to admit to being bisexual, and sometimes that is still difficult to explain to people. Hearing Katy Perry sing about it like it's a fucking trucker hat or a vintage t-shirt or some other lame edgy hipster accessory makes me want to smack a bitch for her audacity.
What I think is even more irksome is the fact that all the kiddies have latched onto Katy Perry's "Look at me, I made out with some random chick" schtick like it's some kind of anthem for nonconformist rebellion. An entire generation of Ramones shirt-wearing emo assholes now think that dyking out is tantamount to Manic Panic hair dye or studded belts in terms of showing their boyfriends how fucking original and countercultural they are. Memo to Katy Perry: you are not Kathleen Hanna, and you're not doing lesbians any favors with your bullshit. You are a disingenuous, fake-ass bitch, and you make it harder for those of us who not only like kissing girls, but like fucking them too. Furthermore, you haven't discovered anything new or groundbreaking. You've just popularized what pornographers have known for years. Most guys like watching girls hook up with other girls. It's not novel or unique, and it only serves to teach the knuckle-dragging fucktards who listen to Z100 that it's acceptable to trivialize lesbianism for the sake of obnoxious attention whoredom.
I have no problem with people experimenting sexually, or talking about it. What I do have a problem with is Katy Perry taking decades of struggles for gay rights and reducing it to the MTV audience's equivalent of a wrestling gimmick. Until she writes a song called "I Ate a Pussy," Katy Perry needs to go back to shopping at Hot Topic and shut the fuck up.
Labels: assholes, Daily Douchebag, lezbollah, retard rage, sluts
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Razzy,
This girl is pretty good looking and has a REALLY banging body. I think you should lighten up on your criticism. She has done you no wrong!!! LOL.
This girl is pretty good looking and has a REALLY banging body. I think you should lighten up on your criticism. She has done you no wrong!!! LOL.
# posted by 
: 8/06/2008 7:10 PM
: 8/06/2008 7:10 PM
Thank you! So I'm not the only one who thinks this bitch Katy Perry is the fakest, most absurd, attention-loving whore on the planet.
Bless you, Razzy.
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Bless you, Razzy.
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