Monday, August 04, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Irukandji jellyfish
DOB: who knows when they evolved, but they were first documented in 1952
Occupation: stinging the fuck out of Australian tourists and inhibiting production of shitty romantic comedies
Hometown: the ocean off of Cairns, Queensland, Australia
Current residence: a special place in my heart
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I was just reading an article about how jellyfish swarms have been screwing with popular swimming beaches, and how this is a sign that the oceans are in distress. While I yawned at the article's implications that jellyfish are yet another harbinger of certain ecological doom (as are any biological anomalies in this age of Al Gore-facilitated Chicken Little paranoia), I did notice a mention of the "rare but deadly Irukandji jellyfish." I had never heard of this jellyfish before, and decided to investigate further.
Since phylum Cnidaria (and, for that matter, anything else big enough to be seen without the aid of an electron microscope) isn't within my realm of professional expertise as a virologist and I am unfamiliar with any scientific review journals addressing the topic of lethal jellyfish, I asked Wikipedia for the details. Although the article was short, it did tell me that Irukandji jellyfish are tiny, potently venomous, especially dangerous because they have stingers on their bell as well as their tentacles, cause a whole host of life-threatening symptoms, and I don't have to worry about them unless I go to Australia. What I was most interested in was the "Irukandji jellyfish in pop culture" section of the entry.
Specifically, I was interested in the following bullet point:
This jellyfish was the cause for the delay in filming for a Hollywood film, Fool's Gold, starring Kate Hudson. Filming was taking place in Queensland, Australia, when the jellyfish was spotted, and a marine biologist was called in to assist.
If only a marine biologist hadn't been handy. I dream of the day that Kate Hudson (and her co-star Matthew McConaughey) will cease and desist making movies that seem to be solely designed to piss me off. I haven't seen Fool's Gold, but I have written not one but TWO separate posts condemning this film anyway. Fool's Gold hits it out of the park in terms of things I will assuredly loathe. It contains bitchy, sex-starved prudish women, hippies, lame sex scenes between the aforementioned, absurdly historically inaccurate treasure hunts, marital bickering, and poorly written, timed, and executed jokes about all of the above. I don't need to see Fool's Gold to know that this film was a waste of everything: money, time, tasty craft services food that could be used to feed better actors in a better movie, viewer's patience and sanity, etc. I think that tonight I will dream pleasant dreams about Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey sinking into the Australian seas after being stung everywhere by small yet lethal Irukandji jellyfish.
I can only hope that, thanks to global warming and the general declining health of the oceans, that if Hollywood is arrogant enough to greenlight Fool's Gold 2, the proliferating Irukandji jellyfish makes them pay for their hubris.
Labels: Daily Dude I Want to Hit, movies, sexy delicious animals
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