Friday, August 15, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Nastia Liukin
DOB: October 30, 1989
Occupation: Olympic women's all-around gold medalist
Hometown: Plano, Texas via Moscow, Russia
Current residence: the gold medal podium, Beijing, China
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: This bitch needs no introduction. My current barely legal crush Nastia took home Olympic gold last night to my utter delight. I was worried for a minute that the 12-year-old Chinese bitch was going to overtake Nastia thanks to some bullshit scoring decisions but finally those pinko cheaters got their comeuppance. I knew those ugly pink barrettes all of Team China seems to favor with their Maoist red uniforms would eventually be their undoing. They need to take some style tips from Nastia and realize that the pink-red combo is only acceptable at your medal ceremony.
I love Nastia because not only does she have the best name in the world, she really is the American dream. Like many who have fled from behind the Iron Curtain, her family settled in Texas, became ex-Stalinist white trash, and perpetuated their gymsnatchtits dynasty. Bred from two world class Soviet gymnasts, she has spent her entire life training to rule everyone's faces off at these Olympics. Her family's story is a true immigrant success story and I'm pretty sure that if she were alive to see it, Emma Lazarus would be shouting "U! S! A! U! S! A!" about the Liukins.
I also applaud Nastia for somehow managing to avoid getting the frightening prepubescent body that many gymnasts in the Bela Karolyi school of competitive eating disorders, and actually has some T&A. Okay, she has A cups, but in her profession that's the equivalent of a Dolly Parton-sized rack. Alright, and admittedly her face is a little wonky too, but she's still my favorite hot piece of trash on Team USA. Even if, as my friend Morrissey'sHair noted yesterday, Alicia Sacramone "has that nasty, New England slut look about her, like she just rolled out of Danvers, Mass looking for a quick bang" and scores points with me by punching out Brown frat boys, I still have to declare my allegiance to Nastia. She might seem like a stuck-up bitch sometimes (Bob Costas refers to this as her "elegance"), but I know how that quiet type does it. Those quiet ones who act like they shit L'Occitane face lotion are usually the dirtiest pervs on the planet, and I'm willing to bet Nastia is no exception. For all those people who are like, "You're gross, Razzy, she's a child!" Well, she's 18, straight-up legal in every state, and I'm ONLY eleven years her senior. I've certainly banged people a decade or more my senior, and look where it's gotten me! I could teach Nastia a thing or two about living up to all the jokes pertaining to her first name, as well as show her a new meaning for her Hollywood debut, Jeff Bridges's magnum opus Stick It!
I'm so excited about Nastia's gold medal that I don't even feel cranky enough to douchebag anybody today. YAY for Nastia! USA! U! S! A! U! S! A!
Labels: Daily Dude I Want to Hit, hot chicks, Olympics, sportsmen, United States of Asskickery
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Fuckin' hell Yeah Razzy! Put on your strap-on and give it to that little girlie until she cries out with the first real orgasm she ever had. Man, if you posted pics of that here, this site would be one of the top ones on the whle Internet. Give that bitch's little pussyhole a workout like it has never had before and show your devotion to the USA that way.
The best example of these gymnast chicks being sexually wild is Nadia Comenici, that bitch was slut city back in the day, she went to Orgies at the Caucescu's palace in Romania and shit, she broke up that dude's marriage that brought her to America and was generally regarded as a Gold Medal slut until she married that Bart Connor dork.
I'm going to be seeing that bitch in less than 2 weeks when she and her wuss hubby host the local Chicago parts of the Jerry Lewis telethon, a true highlight of any summer, to see a cashed out hag slut live on TV.
The best example of these gymnast chicks being sexually wild is Nadia Comenici, that bitch was slut city back in the day, she went to Orgies at the Caucescu's palace in Romania and shit, she broke up that dude's marriage that brought her to America and was generally regarded as a Gold Medal slut until she married that Bart Connor dork.
I'm going to be seeing that bitch in less than 2 weeks when she and her wuss hubby host the local Chicago parts of the Jerry Lewis telethon, a true highlight of any summer, to see a cashed out hag slut live on TV.
Ok Razzy, I understand your crush & team spirit, I even have a little crush on her myself, but after reading the ramblings of the white supremacist, neo-nazi, peodophile, master underground over here, I feel like I need a shower. This fucking-sicko deserves to be either behind bars, or in a psych ward. Sick-mother fucker!
jj
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jj
# posted by 
: 8/19/2008 8:34 AM
: 8/19/2008 8:34 AM Links to this post:
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