RazzyBlog: Daily Dude I Want to Hit: okay, FINE, it's "The Hills" season 4!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Daily Dude I Want to Hit: okay, FINE, it's "The Hills" season 4!

Name: "The Hills" season 4

DOB: August 18, 2008

Occupation: making vacuous stupidity hot with all the kids

Hometown: West Hollywood, California

Current residence: sad but true, my TV (but only during Olympics commercials, I swear!)

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I need to stop fighting it. I need to just suck it up and accept the fact that I watch "The Hills" to the extent that it merits a tag on my website, I have a photo album on my Facebook page entitled "Whitney and Audrina," and I have openly discussed the fact that I think Justin "Bobby" Brescia is hot despite the fact that he's an indigent philandering hairdresser. Besides, I'm outed. Not only have I admitted to watching "The Hills" here, my friend JerseyGirl sent an update to the Smith Alumnae Quarterly advising all our fellow Smithies that watching said shitshow is our primary activity next to "Beverly Hills, 90210" parties. I'm so unfortunately afflicted with this "Hills" addiction that I actually have pathetic text exchanges such as this with my girlfriends:

JerseyGirl: Hills season premiere on at ten!
Razzy: Why does it have to be during olympics?
JerseyGirl: Dewd u must turn it on. It is so dumb its awesome
Razzy: I'm watchn some right now. LC is soooo dumb. And she looks 45!
JerseyGirl: So dumb. Justin bobby is SO HOT
Razzy: I wld hit that so hard for real.

Wait! That's not even the ONLY text conversation I had about this trash last night! There's more!

CorporateCard: Steamy steamy justin bobby. Boo lo! 1st commercial break was almost 10 min! superbowl for teens!
Razzy: Truly! I gotta watch the rerun. I'm olympics crazy.

Never mind my feeble protests about watching the Olympics. At every commercial and/or pointless Bob Costas monologue, I flipped over to MTV to drink in the knuckle-dragging antics of Lauren "LC" Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Whitney Post, LC's bitchy childhood friend Lo, and LC's archnemesis and the McCain supporter I wish didn't exist, Heidi Montag. This season, LC goes on a date with a guy who's main distinguishing feature is that he drinks beer (which, as indicated by her eye rolls, LC clearly thinks is VERY bourgeoisie), Whitney continues to apply her slow mental faculties to challenging "stylist" jobs (ie: folding jeans) at the People's Revolution, Heidi's sister moves into her and Spencer's apartment, and Lo and Audrina exchange a lot of cunty mean-mugs.

I honestly have no idea why I watch this crap, much less LIKE watching it. Typical dialogue on "The Hills" involves one character asking, "So, like, what are you, you know, like, doing tonight?" as she either folds a pair of jeans, pokes bemusedly with her index fingers at her shiny MacBook, or pretends to eat a grapefruit. The respondent will then answer, "So, like, you know...yeah." Another common story is that one character will go to a club, run into another character she hates, and they will exchange bitchy glares and/or bitch incomprehensibly at each other in the ladies room or the parking lot. Does any of it make sense? No more than Brody Jenner's star turn on "The Hills" resulting in his getting his own spin-off reality competition entitled (not joking) "Bromance," in which he auditions a new best friend to replace his now "dude-vorced" ex-buddy Spencer Pratt. I guess Brody felt that fucking LC (and making frequent appearances on his Reggie (Get in My) Bush-polluting stepsister Kim Kardashian's reality show) was a better strategy than Spencer's ambitious ploy to achieve media notoriety making Nicole Richie eat. Again, I have no idea why I watch this or LIKE watching it. But I do.

That said, I totally watched most of last night's episode, if only to watch Justin Bobby's hot ass show up at Audrina's party. Unfortunately, Justin Bobby seems to have truly mended his ways, and I might lose interest if he doesn't start belching, stealing Brody Jenner's drinks, and making out with other girls in front of Audrina soon. Frankly, Lo is starting to become my favorite character, if only because she looked out at Audrina's guests, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to try to enjoy what we've got here" while Audrina blinked vacantly and suffered anguish trying to rack her weak mental capabilities for a comeback that never came. If Lo's going to bring bitchery like that every episode, I'm signing up for her team. I may as well just give in. "The Hills" fucking rules!

Labels: Daily Dude I Want to Hit, media whores, sluts, The Hills