Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Beauty-disadvantaged is the new ugly
I've never been to Australia, but judging by what I've learned from a spate of Foster's commercials and Mick "Crocodile" Dundee, it's a continent full of awesomely crazy people. Along with other traditional Aussie customs like drinking, barbecuing shrimp, and putting random water buffalo to sleep with some kind of Aboriginal hoodoo hand puppetry, outlandish craziness in all matters is a revered cultural tradition Down Under. That's why I loved reading the news about some mayor of a town called Mount Isa begging ugly women to come visit.
Mayor John Molony wants "beauty-disadvantaged women" to know that they're always welcome in his "bloke-heavy" Australian mining town.
"May I suggest if there are five blokes to every girl, we should find out where there are beauty-disadvantaged women and ask them to proceed to Mount Isa," Molony tells the Townsville Bulletin. "Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness."
In other words, ugly chicks DEFINITELY get laid in Mount Isa, because all those miners are horny as hell and they'll take anything with three holes and two legs. Actually, I'm not sure the "two legs" part even fits into those standards. I bet the goat population in Mount Isa will be sitting pretty gingerly if Mayor Molony's plea for ugly bitches goes unanswered.
Mayor Molony seems like a dirty guy suggesting that the "beauty disadvantaged" among us head to Mount Isa just because the guys there are desperate to fuck any female in Genus Homo regardless of her facial severity, but he goes on to prove that he's not. Rather than just another bloke in a bloke-heavy mining encampment, he's a profound philosophical thinker who goes so far as citing a fairy tale which may or may not exist to prove the old adage that beauty isn't skin deep.
"Often those who are beauty-disadvantaged are unhappy with their lot. Some, in other places in Australia, need to proceed to Mount Isa where happiness awaits," he says. "And, really, beauty is only skin deep. Isn't there a fairy tale about an ugly duckling that evolves into a beautiful swan?"
Not surprisingly, the few women already in Mount Isa aren't responding to the Mayor's entreaty for more ugly bitches with "a wide smile" on their faces.
One woman tells the Brisbane Times "there just aren't top quality men here."Uh oh. I think the Mayor has stirred up a hornet's nest of trouble. I went to Smith College, and I know all about "beauty disadvantaged" women suffering from a dearth of "quality" sex partners who have caught the protesting bug. I used to blast Too $hort songs about treating fine-ass bitches like dirt and breaking hoes for scrilla at their candlelight vigils for sport. Those girls used to get so mad! Fun times.
Some of the city's women plan to hold a protest.
"It's offensive to women everywhere, let alone women in Mount Isa," Betty Kiernan, a member of the Far North Queensland parliament, tells the Bulletin.
Anyway, ugly, undersexed girls with a mission act like every cause–from encouraging recycling to calling for a protest of Domino's Pizza to petitioning for the residential dining serve to cease serving North African Vegetable Stew–is tantamount to stopping the genocide in Darfur. They will annoy you to death with their shrill, shrewish, inane harping, and will never rest their circular arguments until finally you're finally so bored and irritated with fighting them that you just throw up your hands in surrender and validate them and go get a drink or otherwise occupy your time more productively. The mayor of Mount Isa is about to learn this the hard way, because if there's any cause ugly girls rally for, it's being called "ugly." At Smith, I think these chicks would probably rather see the oceans' ecosystems destroyed by 19th century whaling practices or women's suffrage repealed than be called "ugly." I'm quite certain that the ladies of Mount Ida aren't all that different, judging by the magnitude of their response and their eagerness to commence protesting.
However, I do give the mayor props for his attempt at political correctness with the employ of the term "beauty disadvantaged." That's the kind of roundabout euphemism that usually spastic protestors use to obfuscate logical flaws with pseudo-intellectual excess vocabulary. I'd congratulate the mayor on his caginess for beating the pissed-off women at their own game if I thought it was remotely intentional. Sadly, I bet this poor mayor actually looks like Donk from Crocodile Dundee: a thick-necked, occasionally violent, grimy man with a smell like transmission fluid, Lucky Strike butts, and three years worth of sweat simmered under the unforgiving Queensland sun, a moonshine still behind the corrugated metal lean-to he calls home, and a smile that's more teeth than gums. He probably just wants to get laid so badly that he was hoping to haul a large catch of desperate ugly girls without offending them directly by casting aspersions regarding their appearance. Poor guy doesn't know what he's gotten himself into, but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be beauty-disadvantaged pussy.
Labels: Dumb Smith bitches, hilarious shit, international intrigue, sluts, you're ugly
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Razzy, I say you and your girlfriends take a vacation down under to show those hard-up Aussies what sweet pussy actually tastes like. That should really piss off those local ugly bitches, because after your fine ass, those guys may never want their skank snatch again.
# posted by 
: 9/03/2008 8:32 AM
: 9/03/2008 8:32 AM
As an Australian, I can let you know that the general reaction to his comments here in the Land of Oz has been one of unbridled mirth.
The reason for that is this: Oz has so rapidly moved towards a culture of extreme political correctness within the last decade, that it's left a lot of people's heads spinning.
I've lived in London. I've lived in mainland Europe. I've spent a few years in Asia, and I can tell you with a boy scout's honesty that none of those places even come close to the level of politically correct pandering to the marginalised left that Australia has elevated itself to.
So here's a bit of back-story:
Mount Isa is a mining town. It only exists because a few major companies like BHP Billiton are making billions pandering to China's batshit-crazy demand for iron ore and other natural resources.
The people who move there are mostly young men with no education who are seduced by $100K salaries.
Think about it - these guys can make 35K a year by staying in the major cities and picking up basic labouring work, or they can move to the middle of nowhere and make a comparitive shitload by spending 5 days a week blasting mining tracts with dynamite.
A lot of young men see this a no-brainer. "I'll head there for five years, make enough for a house in a part of Sydney I could otherwise never afford and then move back".
All good and well, but in reality, this has led to the creation of "A town full of BoofHeads".
Boofhead: noun. Young man of Australian origin. Prone to appreciation of the music of ACDC. Treats books with suspicion. Likes beer. Really likes beer.
So now we have a town full of BoofHeads. Quite understandable really. BoofHeads want cash. Boofheads move to Mount Isa. BoofHeads can't get laid because said town is teeming with influx of additional BoofHeads.
No-one in Oz takes Mount Isa seriously for some strange reason, yet we still adhere to the democratic process and allow them to represent themselves.
So when the new Mayor of Mount Isa suddenly announces to the media that "Mount Isa's a great place for ugly chicks", the rest of us have just sat back and applauded.
We've done this for a couple of reasons:
1: It's a breath of fresh air to hear someone within the Australian political landscape drop such an absolute politically-incorrect clanger; and
2: everyone with half a brain knows that ugly-chicks could really, really enhance their prospects by moving there. Assuming they're attracted to BoofHeads.
Guess it's Darwinian, really.
Suit Dude
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The reason for that is this: Oz has so rapidly moved towards a culture of extreme political correctness within the last decade, that it's left a lot of people's heads spinning.
I've lived in London. I've lived in mainland Europe. I've spent a few years in Asia, and I can tell you with a boy scout's honesty that none of those places even come close to the level of politically correct pandering to the marginalised left that Australia has elevated itself to.
So here's a bit of back-story:
Mount Isa is a mining town. It only exists because a few major companies like BHP Billiton are making billions pandering to China's batshit-crazy demand for iron ore and other natural resources.
The people who move there are mostly young men with no education who are seduced by $100K salaries.
Think about it - these guys can make 35K a year by staying in the major cities and picking up basic labouring work, or they can move to the middle of nowhere and make a comparitive shitload by spending 5 days a week blasting mining tracts with dynamite.
A lot of young men see this a no-brainer. "I'll head there for five years, make enough for a house in a part of Sydney I could otherwise never afford and then move back".
All good and well, but in reality, this has led to the creation of "A town full of BoofHeads".
Boofhead: noun. Young man of Australian origin. Prone to appreciation of the music of ACDC. Treats books with suspicion. Likes beer. Really likes beer.
So now we have a town full of BoofHeads. Quite understandable really. BoofHeads want cash. Boofheads move to Mount Isa. BoofHeads can't get laid because said town is teeming with influx of additional BoofHeads.
No-one in Oz takes Mount Isa seriously for some strange reason, yet we still adhere to the democratic process and allow them to represent themselves.
So when the new Mayor of Mount Isa suddenly announces to the media that "Mount Isa's a great place for ugly chicks", the rest of us have just sat back and applauded.
We've done this for a couple of reasons:
1: It's a breath of fresh air to hear someone within the Australian political landscape drop such an absolute politically-incorrect clanger; and
2: everyone with half a brain knows that ugly-chicks could really, really enhance their prospects by moving there. Assuming they're attracted to BoofHeads.
Guess it's Darwinian, really.
Suit Dude
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