Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Color me a wife-beater
How the mighty have fallen. Bryan Abrams, once the Jordan Knight or the Justin Timberlake of 90s boy band Color Me Badd, went from international "I Wanna Sex You Up" stardom to being a plain old wimmin' hittin' Okie redneck. Apparently he got wasted at some bar in Oklahoma City (probably Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill), punched his girlfriend in the face, and started screaming "I'm-a kill you!" Prince Charming alert, ladies!
It's a good thing Bryan hadn't been drinking anything stronger than soda when he ran into Kelly Taylor at the Bel Age Hotel penthouse vending machine bank during the seminal "Things To Do On a Rainy Day" episode at the end of season two of the greatest show in the history of television, "Beverly Hills, 90210." Bryan's sobriety allowed him to resist beating Donna Martin's annoying ass to a pulp when he was supposed to be cheering her up after she caught her mom having a torrid extramarital affair during breaks at her "charity convention." Frankly, I'd be upset too if I was trying to stalk Color Me Badd and instead saw someone as simultaneously shrewish and gross as Felice Martin making out with some old married dude and making some sickening attempt at seduction along the lines of "I hope you saved room for dessert." I'm not sure that Color Me Badd paying for Peach Pit megaburgers with an acapella rendition of "I Adore Mi Amor" would be my ticket to a happier disposition, but it would be marginally better than an enraged, drunken member of Color Me Badd throwing back one too many Bud Lights while watching NASCAR and screaming death threats as he pops me in the face.
Then again, I wouldn't complain if Bryan slugged Brandon Walsh in the face for being a dumbass who wears a pencil behind his ear. Maybe they can bring Bryan and Jason Priestley back to the new series so that can happen. Think about it, CW!
Labels: assholes, Bev Niner, crime and punishment
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