Friday, September 19, 2008
Please say the baby, NOT Talib Kweli
Yesterday when I was grousing about the Rock the Vote concert starring Talib Kweli and Solange (snicker), I almost immediately got the world's most easily predictable response:
WELL, HELLO THERE, GUY WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE TALIB KWELI! It's nice to know that the search engines of the internets truly reflect Talib Kweli's most obnoxious consumer demographic. Too bad that one mere glance at the styling in this photo, from the tweed jacket-over-distressed hoodie-over-corduroy button-down to the unnecessary 1970s girl-nerd coke bottle glasses clutched in his well-manicured little paws makes me want to commence an orgy of murderous rage. I don't even have to listen to this whiny bitch open his PBR hole and start spewing "thoughtful" lyrics about society's woes to begin contemplating a homicidal spree throughout Williamsburg, DUMBO, and the Lower East Side.
I've been to a Talib Kweli concert, and the man is an amazing performer. I guess some people prefer the talentless styles of Lil Wayne and assorted other generic hip hop to talented flow and thoughtful lyrics. Talib Kweli is one of like two rappers working today that is worth a damn.Oh, really, Anonymous Rap Critic? Who's the other rapper working today who meets your lofty standards to qualify as "worth a damn?" I'm guessing you'll probably say Talib Kweli's butt buddy Mos Def. Know why? Because all you liberal arts-educated pseudointellectual hipster snobs are easier to predict than whether the sun will set in the fucking west this evening. Some fellow messenger bag-toting asshole brushed aside his asymmetrical bangs, readjusted his paper boy cap, and condescendingly gazed over the top of his Vice magazine through his boxy glasses to inform you at some point that listening to something like Lil' Wayne doesn't quite give you the same elitist cachet as listening to Talib Kweli bitch about the HIV epidemic or inherent racism in the justice system. Hipsters love Talib Kweli because of his "talented flow and thoughtful lyrics," which translates to "uses an occasional big word" and "raps about the news." Oh, and probably because some vintage shirt-wearing douchetard at New York Magazine probably told them that Talib Kweli is "socially conscious," which sounds to the average conformist vintage shirt-wearing douchetard like "trappings of intelligence." Talib Kweli has become so entrenched as the poster boy for hipster rap–oh, excuse me, I mean HIP-HOP–that guess whose picture popped up when I Googled "self-important hipster"????
So to calm down and prevent myself from doing anything I might regret (like violently claiming the lives of innocent hipsters), I'm going to just listen to something soothing. I'd rather listen to Jay "Young Jeezy" Jenkins, even though he thinks that shouting "jeah!," "daaaamn," "that's riiiiiiiight," or "let's get it!" constitutes "ad libbing." I'd rather listen to Todd "Too $hort" Shaw elevate misogyny to an art form. I'd rather listen to former corrections officer William "Rick Ross" Leonard make up outlandish fiction about his exploits as some kind of musically-inclined Floridian cocaine kingpin. I'd rather listen to Jose "Fat Joe" Cartagena make laughable claims about his sex life like "Lindsay Lohan...that's my O-jam." I'd rather listen to Dwayne "Lil' Wayne" Carter say "unfuckinbelievable...Lil' Wayne's the president." That IS unfuckinbelievable, but it's also hilarious and thus entertaining. I'd rather hear Lil' Wayne jabbering about how he makes policewomen answer to "Mrs. Officer" and compels them to simulate sirens during intercourse "like a cop car." I like listening to music because it's ENTERTAINING, not because it makes me ponder all the problems of society, think deep, depressing thoughts, or feel intellectually superior because I only listen to HIP-HOP (not rap) that uses an occasional big word and has been called "socially conscious" by at least three different snotty critics. Talib Kweli and all his fans can lick my Lil' Wayne-listening twat.
Labels: assholes, Lil' Wayne, rap, retard rage, scathing indictments
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I feel honored, rather than insulted to have inspired a Razzy post. In any case, you couldn't be more wrong about me being a "hipster." And I wouldn't mind licking your "Lil' Wayne-listening twat." And the other rapper worth a damn is Common. Oh well, I'd rather be judged on my tastes as a hipster than a conformist club-hopping douche.
# posted by 
: 9/19/2008 10:38 AM
: 9/19/2008 10:38 AM
Oh, GOD, I hate Common too!
But I'm glad you're honored rather than insulted. I appreciate Razzyphiles who disagree with me and actually are okay with that, and may even have a sense of humor about it.
I actually have to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to vent my rage toward the "conscious" rappers of the world and the hipsters who love them (whether you are among that group or not).
XOBJBS, Anonymous Rap Critic.
But I'm glad you're honored rather than insulted. I appreciate Razzyphiles who disagree with me and actually are okay with that, and may even have a sense of humor about it.
I actually have to thank you for providing me with the opportunity to vent my rage toward the "conscious" rappers of the world and the hipsters who love them (whether you are among that group or not).
XOBJBS, Anonymous Rap Critic.
Anonymous, you know you're a cliche, right? I mean, you know that, right? That you're such a cliche that total strangers can outline your life until now without even being in your physical presence?
And that you're a conformist, too?
What's ironic is, whenever one of these hipster-douches claim that rap is vapid and that only Common et. al (and I wrote "Common" without even reading his post - that's how predictable he is) have any value, they expose their inner racist. Of course they'll protest to the contrary, list their black friends, and show you their Obama bumper sticker, but the truth is, no matter how many progressive ideologies you manage to pick up at your 2nd-tier liberal arts college, you'll never shake those suburban biases.
Club-hopping douche > Hipster-douche. Why? They're far better looking, and they'd rather fuck than bore you to death with warmed-over socialist bullshit like they're the first person to read Noam Chomsky.
And that you're a conformist, too?
What's ironic is, whenever one of these hipster-douches claim that rap is vapid and that only Common et. al (and I wrote "Common" without even reading his post - that's how predictable he is) have any value, they expose their inner racist. Of course they'll protest to the contrary, list their black friends, and show you their Obama bumper sticker, but the truth is, no matter how many progressive ideologies you manage to pick up at your 2nd-tier liberal arts college, you'll never shake those suburban biases.
Club-hopping douche > Hipster-douche. Why? They're far better looking, and they'd rather fuck than bore you to death with warmed-over socialist bullshit like they're the first person to read Noam Chomsky.
# posted by : 9/19/2008 11:45 AM
: 9/19/2008 11:45 AM
Anonymous, if I'm so cliche, please, oh please, fill me in on the rest of my life. I'm begging to know how much of my life you can predict oh wise one. In all your infinite wisdom, please fill us all in on other hobbies of mine, education, what I do for a living, whether I'm a cat person or a dog person, and what I plan on doing this weekend. I know you know all the answers. Please prove to us your clairvoyance.
Fact is, I like what I like. If you're going to judge me and my entire life solely by my tastes in rap (which by the way, is still a genre ruled by 2Pac in my mind, yes I'm that guy), then you can suck my dick anonymous.
Fact is, I like what I like. If you're going to judge me and my entire life solely by my tastes in rap (which by the way, is still a genre ruled by 2Pac in my mind, yes I'm that guy), then you can suck my dick anonymous.
# posted by : 9/19/2008 1:00 PM
: 9/19/2008 1:00 PM
Dear Hipster-Hating Anonymous,
Your handle should be Awesome. Thank you for making my day. You make me say wee-oo wee-oo wee, wee-oo wee-oo wee, wee-oo wee-oo wee. Like a cop car.
xoxo LL Cool Jew
Your handle should be Awesome. Thank you for making my day. You make me say wee-oo wee-oo wee, wee-oo wee-oo wee, wee-oo wee-oo wee. Like a cop car.
xoxo LL Cool Jew
You want to know about your life, douche? Here are the cliff notes:
1. You were born
2. Your parents were disappointed
The End. Suck it.
1. You were born
2. Your parents were disappointed
The End. Suck it.
# posted by : 9/19/2008 2:06 PM
: 9/19/2008 2:06 PM
why y'all hatin on conscious rap??? I love Talib, he's my man, he makes sick music, I also love the Wu Tang Clan and Short-down, Weezy F, and my man Fif.
don't hate, participate.
And fuck hipsters
don't hate, participate.
And fuck hipsters
# posted by : 9/20/2008 12:39 AM
: 9/20/2008 12:39 AM
The aptly named Common and the other rappers mentioned in the comments are sad reminders that rap's golden era was more than twenty years ago. Please don't mention Fif in the same breath as these others - Tribe is peerless.
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# posted by : 9/22/2008 10:21 AM
: 9/22/2008 10:21 AM Links to this post:
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