Thursday, March 05, 2009
Some (un)cut
I've been skanking it up hard with the fellas since July 26th, 1995, and in that time I've gotten a lot of random dick under my belt, so to speak. Although she used to be more of a relationship-type lady, my friend JerseyGirl has since caught up with me with a great deal of gusto. In the course of her recent adventures, JerseyGirl managed to stumble across a phenomenon that you don't often encounter with native-born American fellas:
JerseyGirl: met this brit at brunch
Razzy: uh huh...
JerseyGirl: went back to my place
JerseyGirl: and did it
JerseyGirl: like 5x
Razzy: LOL
JerseyGirl: it was NUTS
JerseyGirl: BUT razzy
JerseyGirl: i was bugging
JerseyGirl: bc when he got naked
Razzy: let me guess...not circumcised
JerseyGirl: it was UNCIRCUMSIZED!!!
JerseyGirl: i was DYING
JerseyGirl: i was like "ewe"
JerseyGirl: he goes that's not very nice to say
JerseyGirl: i'm like sorry but it looks gross
Razzy: dude euros are always uncircumcised unless they're jewish
Razzy: i can't believe you said "ewe" about his D OUT LOUD!
JerseyGirl: haha
JerseyGirl: i know
JerseyGirl: but i was so wasted i didnt care
JerseyGirl: it was HUGE though
I likewise have never personally encountered an uncut schlong, probably because of my propensity for fucking red-blooded Americans and/or Jews. I keep waiting for the day when I will stumble across one, because I'm intensely curious about it. I've certainly seen pictures, so I doubt my response will be to say "ew" when I see that homeslice's weiner is wearing a turtleneck. In fact, I remember this girl I knew in college was dating an uncut dude, and she showed me and a few other intensely curious girls photos of her inflating his foreskin. I remember laughing hysterically because they were really some of the most absurdly ridiculous sex pictures I'd ever seen. I also remember vowing that should I ever come across a honey with extra casing on his sausage I would promptly make like this bitch and blow it up like a balloon for humor value alone. Combining goofy jokes and fellatio sounds like a win-win to me.
JerseyGirl clearly got over her shock about this dude's foreskin because she subsequently planned a trip to England to go get more strange of the tea-and-crumpets variety in spite of the likelihood of encountering more peek-a-boo dick. She was telling me about the new international mark she was wooing via Facebook, and I was encouraging her to whore us up proud.
Razzy: toss it up
Razzy: as i think they say in england
Razzy: i know "tosser" means "slut"
JerseyGirl: haha
JerseyGirl: i just emailed you his pic
Razzy: yeah he's cute
Razzy: although i'm getting MAJOR pencil dick vibes from him
Razzy: i think it's the 5 o'clock 'stache but NOT beard
Razzy: how tall is he?
JerseyGirl: no he's tall
JerseyGirl: i've touched it before
JerseyGirl: it's big
Razzy: well pencils can be long
Razzy: they're just skinny
Razzy: i call a long pencil a "cervical spear"Razzy: i fucked a dude like that once, it felt like fucking a pap smear
JerseyGirl: well i'll let you know!
Razzy: please do!
JerseyGirl: although i dont think it's pencil
JerseyGirl: i have a good feeling
Razzy: i hope i'm wrong, i hate pencil
JerseyGirl: it's probably all skinned up though
JerseyGirl: nasty
Razzy: LOL
Razzy: well now you're an old pro with the uncut weinersJerseyGirl: i know. it's so nast though
Upon her return from Merry Olde Englande, JerseyGirl was pleased to report that her man was a European rarity: not Jewish or Muslim and yet still trimmed. I was a little disappointed, if only because I wanted to hear about JerseyGirl insulting the appearance of her partner's package as foreplay. Now that she's back stateside, she dumped her original skinjob and has no future prospects from the United Kingdom or continental Europe in her sights, so that well of uncircumcized weiner follies has run dry. So now I guess I'm going to have to go out and find some uncut dick of my own for amusement. So take notice all you Razzyphiles of British, Australian, other European, or Americans with hippie parents extraction...for any fellas rocking Shar-pei schlongs, I'm currently enrolling subjects in my personal study. Holler at your skank.
Labels: international intrigue, JerseyGirl, ridiculous absurdity, sex, sluts, weiners
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tosser would be closer to wanker or arsehole than slut. Although to toss off would be be to masturbate.
As a brit who's been in CA for 9yrs I'm both uncut and puzzling over the inflation blowjob. Haven't decided if thats good/bad or just plain weird! Still, I've had to ponder worse things I guess.
As a brit who's been in CA for 9yrs I'm both uncut and puzzling over the inflation blowjob. Haven't decided if thats good/bad or just plain weird! Still, I've had to ponder worse things I guess.
# posted by 
: 3/05/2009 12:24 PM
: 3/05/2009 12:24 PM
For once I say unfotunately I am American born and bred. Although I would gladly consider foreskin reattachment surgery if it meant a night with you Razzy.
jj
jj
# posted by : 3/05/2009 1:07 PM
: 3/05/2009 1:07 PM
we didn't do it to our kid. he goes under the "hippie parents" column, i guess. he's still a bit young for you but maybe in a decade or two. a lot of young parents aren't doing it these days, so i think the stats on this are going to start changing.
# posted by : 3/05/2009 10:44 PM
: 3/05/2009 10:44 PM
Way to go, D - you've sentenced your son to a life of ridicule, insecurity, and rejection.
# posted by : 3/06/2009 1:15 PM
: 3/06/2009 1:15 PM
wow, anon, thanks for the vote of confidence but i don't think you're right. as i said, those numbers are turning around. i personally know several families who made the same decision we did. obviously i hope he will be happy with the decision, but if he's not he can still change it; the other way would have left him with no options.
# posted by : 3/10/2009 1:18 AM
: 3/10/2009 1:18 AM
Razzy
I may not be uncut, but I'll volunteer for a comparison study if you'd like, before you flee from us in the Tri-State back to the wonders of Taco Time, Reiner, and endless streams of punk-goth Razzification fodder. Also, definitely not a pencil. :)
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I may not be uncut, but I'll volunteer for a comparison study if you'd like, before you flee from us in the Tri-State back to the wonders of Taco Time, Reiner, and endless streams of punk-goth Razzification fodder. Also, definitely not a pencil. :)
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