Friday, June 19, 2009
Coozin' for a bruisin'
The other night I was banging one of my honeys and as always had a grand old time...until the next day, when I went to get in the shower and realized that I looked like I'd been beat down. I have bruises on both arms, my left tit, my right thigh, my left ass cheek, and my left hip, which are not my favorite reminders of a torrid night of passion. This is surprising, because I do not recall sustaining these injuries, and I wasn't even that drunk.
Mystery sex bruises have bedeviled me since I started boning dudes. Thanks to my Scandinavian-Irish heritage, I bruise easily, and there have been times when I've woke up and wondered why I look like a domestic violence PSA. I can never figure out why sometimes I emerge without a scratch, and other times I look like a UFC fighter after a bad night in the Octagon. Granted, I like it rough, and I grow bored if not given a healthy measure of spanking and hair pulling, but I've been satisfied in that manner many times without developing hematomas. I didn't think I got such a dose of the roughness the other night as to warrant looking like I just showed up at the YWCA asking for a bed and a new identity.
My current hypothesis about how this occurred concerns the fact that the dude is what I call a baker. There are some common guy bedroom archetypes that I call the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. A butcher is a dude who likes to dick-slap your ass like he's tenderizing a roast, a candlestick maker is a dude who likes to jerk off in front of you, and a baker is a dude who likes to grab your tits and/or ass hard like he's kneading bread dough. This guy was a baker, which explains the T and A marks. However, I still can't figure out how a week ago, this guy knocked this thang out without leaving a single blemish, and how today, he made me look like I'm trying to imitate J-Lo in Enough. The timing is further terrible, because tomorrow is my friends and Razzyphile Black card holders HotLawyer and Morrissey'sHair's birthday party, and they're both big fans of breasts, and I was planning to honor their natal day by dressing accordingly. That's not going to work with big black-and-blue thumbprint marks on my cans. Damn you, mystery sex bruises!
Labels: Razzification, sex
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Hey! Razzy's slutty exploits NEVER get old. Watch your mouth "Anono" ...
As a "caramel" skinned girl, and recently deemed "anemic" by my Dr., I routinely discover bad ass bruising all over my body.
I concoct some half believable story and just blame it on the "unfortunate incident at the park involving an errant pit bull," or the like.
P.S. CHINGY! just keeps expanding. He's actually bulbous!
Love - L & L
As a "caramel" skinned girl, and recently deemed "anemic" by my Dr., I routinely discover bad ass bruising all over my body.
I concoct some half believable story and just blame it on the "unfortunate incident at the park involving an errant pit bull," or the like.
P.S. CHINGY! just keeps expanding. He's actually bulbous!
Love - L & L
# posted by 
: 6/24/2009 10:18 AM
: 6/24/2009 10:18 AM
Pics or it didn't happen!
Love that this blog is being updated more these days.
-PZ
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Love that this blog is being updated more these days.
-PZ
# posted by : 6/24/2009 11:10 PM
: 6/24/2009 11:10 PM Links to this post:
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