RazzyBlog: K-Fed is Overfed

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

K-Fed is Overfed

Every time I see a picture of Kevin Federline, I'm continually shocked that he manages to get even fatter. At first, I was like "Wow, K-Fed's packed on a little chunk. He's not going to get any backup dancing gigs looking like that." Then, I was like, "K-Fed could easily afford a personal trainer with the $30K a month from Brit Brit's coffers that he stacks each month." I thought to myself how sad it is that K-Fed would give up on his lifelong dream of being a complete mockery of a rap star just because he was busy cashing in on the child support and alimony gold mine and living's easy. Does the man have no dignity or self-respect?

Now I am actually wondering if he's really just a savvy businessman. K-Fed has gone beyond the one-too-many-meals-a-day-at-Popeye's level of fat and has exploded into the elite upper echelons of morbid obesity. I mean, the ground shakes when he approaches like it's fucking Jurassic Park. Seriously, I look at him, and I see one of the cave trolls from Lord of the Rings wearing a douched-up pair of D&G shades. Give the man a mace or a club and he's ready to fuck up some hobbits.

This can mean only one thing: he's angling for a show on TLC. He's got all the makings of a TLC star: a staggeringly astronomical body mass index score, too many children, a crazy ex-wife, and minor celebrity gleaned from basically just fucking around. It will be like "The 750-lb Man" meets "Jon and Kate Plus 8." Ratings gold!

(Yes, I'd watch it.)

Labels: celebrities, fat fucks, Kevin Federline