Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The real player-haters of Atlanta
In this economy, you can't blame a bitch for trying to hustle a little extra paper on the side. In Lawrenceville, Georgia, this hot construction worker (and certifiable clam digger...trust this) decided to help offset her mortgage payments by converting her home into a part-time business. Normally, this would be a triumph of the American spirit, a heartwarming pull-oneself-up-by-the-bootstraps type of tale. Unfortunately, a bunch of player-hating neighbors and police had something else to say. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has the entire tragic story of how this bold young entrepreneur is being persecuted for building a successful cottage industry.
Since Constance Trahan didn't want to do something really degrading like sell Amway or crack to make ends meet, she decided to start peddling something even more American and to her liking: good, old-fashioned amateur pussy. According to police, evidence provided by a sign stating "1 dollar jello shots," a whiny-ass fun-hating neighbor, and some snitch busted on a minor possession charge was sufficient to arrest Connie for "keeping a disorderly house." Apparently that means she let a bunch of hoes shake their cakes for cash in her garage and basement and freely dispensed cocktails of grain alcohol and gelatin without the proper permits.
I fail to see why this should even be illegal, or at least illegal enough to merit a trip to the pokey. First off, if "keeping a disorderly house" is a crime, then it's damned lucky I don't live anywhere near Lawrenceville, Georgia, because I'd constantly run afoul of the law in that regard. Second, how can anyone blame a hard-working American like Constance cooking up a practical way to pay off her Home Depot charge account? Constance was providing a service that was clearly in demand by consumers at affordable prices. If you've ever been to a strip club, you know that you can't get anything there for $1, so those jello shots were definitely a bargain. I can only imagine that she was slinging lap dances at bargain basement, Big Lots-type prices. Too bad Constance's fun-killing communist neighbor couldn't be bothered with a simple pair of earplugs and decided to hate on the fact that Con was the baddest ass competitor in the DIY basement suburban Atlanta strip club game.
I thought we were supposed to celebrate ingenuity and can-do attitudes as key attributes to patriotism, facets of our national spirit as American as NASCAR and Budweiser. I guess all it takes is one freedom-hating dickbag of a neighbor filing a noise complaint to undermine the most cherished principles of American capitalism. Free Constance Trahan! Or, as I think she is free on bond, at least acquit her from this grossly unfair misdemeanor charge. First the government takes away your home strip club, then it's the rest of your freedoms! Tell the player-haters that all Americans should feel secure in their right to get their hustle on. USA! U! S! A!
Labels: capitalism, crime and punishment, nudity, stank vaginas
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My guess would be that the neighbor that narced has kids and that was why they did it. Having a place like that on the block would be akin to having a crackhouse or meth lab there, the same types of people would be showing up, and I don't think that even The Doc would like having that on the block every fucking day and night, as it would get old really quickly.
Oh man Razzy, there are soooo many haters in the ATL. I mean, what's so wrong with a little hustle and soliciting? Sacrificial bust i say.
# posted by 
: 8/03/2009 4:27 AM
: 8/03/2009 4:27 AM
Are you alive? Did Seattle eat you?
Feel free to answer the second question with as much as your usual descriptive prowess as the situation(s) demands.
Seriously, I'm gonna have nothing to distract me from work if you don't start posting again soon.
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Feel free to answer the second question with as much as your usual descriptive prowess as the situation(s) demands.
Seriously, I'm gonna have nothing to distract me from work if you don't start posting again soon.
# posted by : 8/28/2009 2:24 PM
: 8/28/2009 2:24 PM Links to this post:
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