Monday, June 16, 2008
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Lil' Wayne
DOB: September 27, 1982
Occupation: the hottest rapper in the game
Hometown: Hollygrove, New Orleans, Louisiana
Current residence: When not in jail, New Orleans, Louisiana
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I used to be very anti-Lil' Wayne, primarily because I was a Juvenile loyalist. LL Cool Jew was always trying to bump some Lil' Wayne and I'd bitch that Weezy wasn't all that. Besides, I was distracted by his latently homoerotic adventures (like makeout seshes with his adopted father Birdman, inherently gay XXL magazine covers, and leaked alternate album covers featuring his drag cosmetic skills). Not that I have a problem with Lil' Wayne possibly being gay, but I got so caught up speculating about this that I didn't pay as much attention as I should have to facts that Lil' Wayne himself has pointed out, for example, "I'm a god, and this is what I bless em with."
Well, over the past year, Lil' Wayne has really grown on me musically. LL Cool Jew and I were discussing this a while back, and I have to give her partial credit for bringing me around.
LL Cool Jew: "I don't do too many [drugs]. I just smoke weed and drink. But I'll never fuck with no more coke. It's not about the bad high; it's just about the acne: Cocaine makes your face break out. I'm a pretty boy."
LL Cool Jew:- Lil' Wayne tells New York magazine
Razzy: LOL
Razzy: quote of the day
LL Cool Jew: awesome
Razzy: i love lil wayne
Razzy: i'm oddly obsessed with him
Razzy: there's something really hilarious about him
LL Cool Jew: dude welcome to the club!
LL Cool Jew: member when you always used to hate on him
LL Cool Jew: i know you made the change yourself
Razzy: yes i did!
LL Cool Jew: but i have to take a tiny tiny tiny bit of credit
LL Cool Jew: i must
Razzy: of course
LL Cool Jew: i think perhaps my newly nolified lifestyle helped
Razzy: after hilarious mug shot after mug shot, i caved
LL Cool Jew: i'm pretty excited about it
Razzy: well i was always on "team juve"
LL Cool Jew: all that matters is that we are once again on the same team
LL Cool Jew: i love juve too
Razzy: in terms of my post-ca$h money allegiances
LL Cool Jew: shout out to the old cash money members
Razzy: but now i can't be bothered with their beef
Razzy: i love them both
LL Cool Jew: after all.
LL Cool Jew: it's irresistible!
Razzy: and i love how birdman makes that "cawing" sound in addition to his signature "brrrrr"!
LL Cool Jew: caw CAW
LL Cool Jew: it's sort of a rip on afroman's signature "ba-GOCK"
Razzy: totally
Razzy: but it's more the sound that a gull circling around would make
Razzy: as opposed to a cock strutting around the barnyard
When I was in New Orleans visiting LL Cool Jew last week, the "Lollipop" remix was constantly on the radio. In a testament to how awesome this song is, I didn't even detect the presence of the detestable Kanye West singing the first verse (thank you, "rapper ternt sanga" T-Pain, for making auto-tuner effects requisite in all contemporary rap music), and once I discovered that this is who is Lil' Weezy's collaborator, I am not even put off as I typically am by anything involving Kanye West. Even Kanye West can't ruin lines like "if that woman wanna cut, then call me Mr. Ointment" and "better wear a latex, because you don't want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text." I only even barely rolled my eyes when Lil' Wayne proclaimed "no homo" at the beginning of the song. I made it my first order of business upon returning to New York to download the freshly dropped Tha Carter Vol. III and jam to it whenever possible.
Although I don't necessarily agree with Lil' Wayne that "he's so sweet" it will compel me to "lick the rapper," I have to cease and desist with any residual Lil' Wayne hating because Tha Carter Vol. III is the fucking shit and a half and I've seen the error of my ways. Lil' Wayne is hysterically funny and I advise you all to go make an appointment with Mr. I Can't Make an Appointment and illegally download it immediately. Just to demonstrate the awesomeness you can expect from a typical Tha Carter Vol. III jam, here is Lil' Wayne's collabo with none other than my second-favorite R&B thug in the world, the equally hilarious Faheem "T-Pain" Najm, singing something about getting money, showing it off to those hanging over the VIP line, and needing a Winn-Dixie grocery bag full of it.
I don't know why Lil' Wayne has girls' boyfriends' hating like a city cop, except for the fact that by own his admission, he "blow that shit, cause bitch, I'm the bomb like tick tick. Yeah!"
Labels: Birdman, Cash Money, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, Dirrty Dirrty, I LOVE IT, Lil' Wayne, LL Cool Jew, rap
Monday, March 10, 2008
Go down strapped
Lil' Wayne has done it again: he has come up with a classic photo for the "Say Something Nice" file. Surprisingly, this time it isn't a mugshot. Not surprisingly, it's more homoerotic than the milk bath scene in Spartacus. It seems Lil' Wayne has decided to extend his merchandizing empire to condoms. There is a niche market for scrawny pot-smoking thugs who like to get together with their fake adopted fathers for a brisk game of (wink, wink) poker, and Tha Carter is tapping it like Birdman does his ass:
This isn't doing much to help the case that Lil' Wayne is a virile heterosexual, although it does provide some insight as to why he seems to be so fond of getting arrested. First he gets warmed up being manhandled by a grimacing Perez Hilton-looking cop, followed by some hot flesh-shanking with the boys in the pokey. I'm glad he's conscious (right down to his little red AIDS ribbon) of making sure said boys don't spread their HIV around to the entire cellblock. Smart thinking, Weezy Fuckin' Baby.
[RAZZY Note: Thanks to Razzyphile HotCzech for passing this along. Happy Razzyphile Appreciation Month! XOBJBS.]
Labels: Birdman, hilarious shit, Lil' Wayne, Razzyphiles, sex, vulgar display of faggotry
Friday, November 30, 2007
The wit and wisdom of Lil' Wayne
A site that LL Cool Jew got me reading, Bossip.com, has some choice quotes from Dwayne "Lil' Wayne" Carter's interview with Complex magazine. The cover of the magazine itself has a choice quote ("I'm a Martian, and if you understand me, then you're Jesus") that seems to answer the question asked by the cover: Is Lil' Wayne crazy?
The answer would seem to be yes, especially when reading some of the other sound bites Weezy Fuckin' Baby spouts in the article. For starters, his conversations with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. about how to handle beef personally:
Then again, has Lil' Wayne actually killed anyone? I don't know anyone he has issues with besides the dudes who defected from Cash Money ages ago, and last time anyone checked, Terius "Juvenile" Gray was still eating fish and shrimp po' boys while checking out the finest corpulent asses strolling by on St. James. Who is that teardrop for if not the enemy that Martin Luther King condones him offing?
Also, I know Dr. King also didn't make any mention of how being arrested multiple times for possession of weed and/or enough vicodin to knock out an army and being one's adopted father's (a pigeon-call spouting cocaine dealer prior to taking the helm of Cash Money records) down-low sloppy bottom fits into his dream of a harmonious society, but I guess we can thank Lil' Wayne, fresh off planet Mars, for his brilliant modern interpretation of Dr. King's civil rights goals. Tha Carter continues to serve mankind most admirably, and this I understand. Does that now make me Jesus?
You’d expect me to pay somebody to do it? You supposed to be able to do anything in this world. That’s what Martin Luther King told me. He ain’t never put a specific on what to [do]. He said you can do anything. "Kill" falls under that.Ah, yes, Tha Carter is surely living in a nation where he is judged not by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character. I'm sure that if he hadn't been murdered himself, MLK would surely suggest that Lil' Wayne's tattoo teardrops were representative of how the civil rights movement has achieved its goals. Lucky for Lil' Wayne there wasn't a specific clause against murdering those who talk shit about you in their rap songs in the "I Have a Dream" speech, because the lack therof has allowed Weezy to do his part to ensure the realization of Dr. King's dream.
Then again, has Lil' Wayne actually killed anyone? I don't know anyone he has issues with besides the dudes who defected from Cash Money ages ago, and last time anyone checked, Terius "Juvenile" Gray was still eating fish and shrimp po' boys while checking out the finest corpulent asses strolling by on St. James. Who is that teardrop for if not the enemy that Martin Luther King condones him offing?
Also, I know Dr. King also didn't make any mention of how being arrested multiple times for possession of weed and/or enough vicodin to knock out an army and being one's adopted father's (a pigeon-call spouting cocaine dealer prior to taking the helm of Cash Money records) down-low sloppy bottom fits into his dream of a harmonious society, but I guess we can thank Lil' Wayne, fresh off planet Mars, for his brilliant modern interpretation of Dr. King's civil rights goals. Tha Carter continues to serve mankind most admirably, and this I understand. Does that now make me Jesus?
Labels: Birdman, crazies, down with OPB (other people's blogs), hilarous shit, Lil' Wayne, ridiculous absurdity
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Stuntin' WITH your daddy
In case you are unfamiliar with Dwayne "Lil' Wayne AKA Weezy" Michael Carter, he is a slender, petite rapper from New Orleans, and is one of the few 'Nolia project natives not beefing with Cash Money Records. In fact, he is the sort-of adopted son of Brian "Baby/Birdman" Williams, who owns the record label and has made a living rapping about the cocaine trade and selling Lugz boots. Their new duet, "Stuntin' Like My Daddy", is an emotional reflection on the dynamics of their father-son relationship. However, I wonder whether their happy little family isn't just a little screwed up.
On my last visit to the P-N-Dub, I was hanging with the R-uh and we were talking about the best Southern rappers, and after a brief detour in which the R-uh rhapsodized about Juvenile's song "Huh", we got on the topic of the remaining Cash Money Records loyalists. The R-uh opined that Birdman was a stand-up guy, but Lil' Wayne was a scrawny little bitch. I concurred with his assessment of Lil' Wayne, but mentioned that I felt Birdman was less of a "stand-up" guy than a down-low guy.
"Haven't you ever seen that picture of Lil' Wayne and Baby making out?" I asked.
"What picture of them making out?" he responded.
THIS picture of them making out:
Okay, so they're not really making out as much as giving each other a friendly peck...ON THE LIPS. You can see how this is going over with the dudes witnessing this public display of affection, and, judging by the look on the faces of the three onlookers behind them and to their right, it isn't being interpreted as a touching father-son moment. I particularly love the expression of incredulity and disgust the fat man in the white shirt and white headband is sporting; you can almost hear him saying, "Aw, HELL no!" Meanwhile, the guy on the right who looks like a thugged-out cross between Lorenzo Lamas and Rick Fox looks somewhat titillated by the proceedings, swirling his champagne flute and thinking, "Oooo, damn, that's hot."
Although some blog pundits have raised questions about the veracity of this image, G-Unit South rapper Young Buck decried accusations that this picture was Photoshopped, as he eloquently attested in an interview several months ago. Although I don't see Young Buck anywhere in the above photo, he claims he was present and offers his eyewitness account: "I seen that shit go down. I ain't gonna sit here and fuckin' lie...That is just some gay ass shit!"
Correction, Buck. That is some gay ass INCESTOUS shit! It makes me really rethink what the hell these two are actually talking about when they use the word "stuntin'". I used to think it meant to flamboyantly show off one's wealth and station in society by drawing others' attention to one's designer clothes, furs, luxury automobiles, jewelry, and harem of zaftig whores hoping to get promoted to video vixen. Apparently, it might also have something to do with hooking up with your de facto family members. Gross.
On my last visit to the P-N-Dub, I was hanging with the R-uh and we were talking about the best Southern rappers, and after a brief detour in which the R-uh rhapsodized about Juvenile's song "Huh", we got on the topic of the remaining Cash Money Records loyalists. The R-uh opined that Birdman was a stand-up guy, but Lil' Wayne was a scrawny little bitch. I concurred with his assessment of Lil' Wayne, but mentioned that I felt Birdman was less of a "stand-up" guy than a down-low guy.
"Haven't you ever seen that picture of Lil' Wayne and Baby making out?" I asked.
"What picture of them making out?" he responded.
THIS picture of them making out:
Although some blog pundits have raised questions about the veracity of this image, G-Unit South rapper Young Buck decried accusations that this picture was Photoshopped, as he eloquently attested in an interview several months ago. Although I don't see Young Buck anywhere in the above photo, he claims he was present and offers his eyewitness account: "I seen that shit go down. I ain't gonna sit here and fuckin' lie...That is just some gay ass shit!"
Correction, Buck. That is some gay ass INCESTOUS shit! It makes me really rethink what the hell these two are actually talking about when they use the word "stuntin'". I used to think it meant to flamboyantly show off one's wealth and station in society by drawing others' attention to one's designer clothes, furs, luxury automobiles, jewelry, and harem of zaftig whores hoping to get promoted to video vixen. Apparently, it might also have something to do with hooking up with your de facto family members. Gross.
Labels: Birdman, Cash Money, gross, Lil' Wayne, perversion, rap, the R-uh, vulgar display of faggotry
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