| Caesar (see-ZUR)
Aliases: Caese, Kaiser, Skeezer, Pizza, Pony, Bitch Pleaser Breed: German Shepherd-Rottweiler mix Weight: 110 lbs Ethnic heritage: German-American Super power: Sniffing edible street refuse and devouring it before anyone notices Favorite food: Pizza, chicken bones (and any other garbage he happens to pass during a walk) Favorite activity: Shedding on the couch, chasing balls/Kongs at the dog run, barking at the neighbors through the window, attempting to catch flies by snapping at the air Theme music: "Hail Caesar" by AC/DC, "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor Astrological sign: Libra Chinese zodiac: Snake Fun Facts: Caesar was born weighing 5 pounds and his body weight has increased over tenfold since then. Caesar can open doors with his nose. Caesar hates tomatoes. Owner: Razzy Residence: Sugar Hill, Harlem, NYC |
Is this dog handsome or what??
Caese has a really long tongue.
There's no sense crying over spilled Miller Lite, not when Razzy and Caesar are there to lick it up |
| Chingy! (CHONG-ay)
Aliases: Chin-Chin, Piglet, Walrus, Manatee, Asshole, Lion, Sphinx, Frog, Garbage Breath, the Little Emperor, Destroyer and Usurper Breed: Pug Weight: Ethnic heritage: Chinese-American Super power: Emits the foulest, most noxious smells ever generated by a living mammal Favorite food: Steamed little juicy buns Favorite activity: Sleeping, gazing rapturously at me, knocking over garbage cans, dragging trash through the house, fighting, fellating Caesar Theme music: "Bad to the Bone," by George Thoroughgood and the Destroyers Astrological sign: Gemini Chinese zodiac: Horse Fun Facts: Chingy! grew up in Queens before being adopted by me. Chingy! only knows one word and that's "Chingy!" Chingy! has the largest anus (diameter: 1.5 inches) ever seen on a domesticated dog (a great Eye, lidless, wreathed in flame...). Chingy!'s given name (Chin-Chin) means "Money Money" in Cantonese. Owner: Razzy Residence: Sugar Hill, Harlem, NYC |
Chingy! in his usual state of repose
What are you so happy about, Chingy!?
Chingy! thinks so highly of himself that he elevates his rank ass every time he takes a shit. |
| Dulcinea (dull-SIN-ay-uh)
Aliases: the D!, D-d-d-d-unit, Little Mami Breed: Long-haired Chihuahua Weight: 5 lbs Ethnic heritage: Mexican-American Super power: An unstoppable urinary tract Favorite food: Peter Luger's steak bones, Gummi Bears (so delicious!), Shake 'em Ups Cat Food Favorite activity: Hiding under the couch or bed from the scary, scary boys that come over, eating dog food by the piece Theme music: "Dulcinea" from the hit musical Man of La Mancha, or, alternatively, "Dulcinea" by Latin balladeer/creepazoid Julio Iglesias Astrological sign: Virgo Chinese zodiac: Goat Fun Facts: Dulcinea is named after the perfect woman from Cervantes's Don Quixote. Dulcinea has a sweater with her name embroidered on it. Dulcinea hates the snow. In her short life so far, Dulcinea has already made 2 emergency trips to the vet, one for bone-induced colitis and one for getting her tail slammed in a door (ow, ow!). Owner: LL Cool Jew Residence: Gulfport, MS |
The D! is trapped in a bucket and it's RELLAY scary
Little fangs
D and Razzy raise the roof |
| Stretch (str-ETCH)
Aliases: Stretchie, Stretchers, My Sweetest Pea, Mr. P, P-Funk, Da P Breed: Boston Terrier Weight: 8.5 lbs Ethnic heritage: Yankee-American Super power: He is an animagus (yes, like in Harry Potter)...he is a person who can turn into a Boston Terrier any time he chooses Favorite food: Cheez-its, XBox and/or PlayStation controllers Favorite activity: BALL! BALL! Did someone say BALL?!?! He actually WAS the goalie for a minor league soccer team in the greater Boston area before the league folded due to financial issues and lack of attendance Theme music: Anything reggae Astrological sign: Taurus Chinese zodiac: Horse Fun Facts: Stretch's grandmother, a redneck Boston living in a trailer in Carnation, WA, lost an eye in a vicious Boston Terrier pit fight. Once Stretch ran into the wall and knocked himself unconscious. Stretch likes to shit in a sinkhole down MillerTime's street so she never has to clean it up. Stretch is only 8.5 lbs, and half of that weight resides in his freakishly ENORMOUS SCHLONG! Owner: MillerTime Residence: (Do the) Puyallup, WA |
"MillerTime, I hate this fucking sweater so much that I can't even look at you!!!"
Stretch wishes Chingy! were here to make weird grunting sounds with him
MillerTime loves her Sweetest Pea |
| Ilse (ILL-suh)
Aliases: Ilsers, Bean Breed: 1/4 Pug, 1/4 Beagle, 1/4 Jack Russell Terrier, 1/4 Fox Terrier Weight: 15 lbs Ethnic heritage: Chinese-British-American...and honorary Scandinavian with such a badass Viking name Super power: Incredible speed Favorite food: Anything people, particularly Honey Nut Cheerios Favorite activity: Chasing stuff, running from Neo, biting stuff (presumably because she is teething), wrassling Theme music: "Ilse, Ilse, Why You Buggin'?" by DJ Neo Astrological sign: Capricorn Chinese zodiac: Cock Fun Facts: Ilse has attempted to pin Caesar to the ground despite him outweighing her by a logarithmic order of magnitude. Ilse looks really mean when she snarls. Ilse can kill a person Freddy Krueger-style if she doesn't get regular manicures. Ilse has a curlicue tail that makes Chingy! sneeze indignantly with envy. Owner: Neo Residence: Washington Heights, NYC |
Ilse is trying to get away so she get back to chewing on stuff
Ilse strikes a pose. Immediately after the picture was taken, she leaped forward and attempted to eat the camera.
Ilse doesn't like being up this high |
| Tucker (TUH-ker)
Aliases: Fucker, Buddy, Bud, Bad Boy Breed: Chocolate Lab-Weimaraner mix Weight: 100 lbs Ethnic heritage: Canadian-German-American Super power: Dragging enormously large and odd-shaped logs across the yard Favorite food: Cat food Favorite activity: Chewing on sticks and logs of all sizes Theme music: "Get It On, Bang a Gong" by T-Rex Astrological sign: Libra Chinese zodiac: Monkey Fun Facts: Tucker once chewed a hole in LG-Lo's couch the size of a dinner plate; it's still there, and LG-Lo has to sit on the exposed foam every night. Tucker is the size of a small horse and still thinks he is a lap dog (see Caesar, above). LG-Lo once told me that she spent a weekend filling in the holes that Tucker digs all over her yard. Owner: LG-Lo Residence: Tacoma, WA |
Tucker before he grew into LG-Lo's little pony
Tucker loves road tripping
Tucker is sad because he wants to meet Caesar and chase sticks with him and be BDBFFs (big dog best friends forever) |
| Bailey (BAY-lee)
Aliases: Supermodel, Bacon Breed: 1/2 Jack Russell Terrier, 1/4 miniature Pinscher, 1/4 Mystery (but possibly toy greyhound) Weight: 13 lbs Ethnic heritage: British-German-Italian-New Jerseyan-American Super power: A powerful bark that resonates deep in the bones and forces humans into a cringing position Favorite food: Carrots, blueberries, and ice cubes...after all, she has a supermodel figure to maintain Favorite activity: Kicking it in the Jersey suburbs Theme music: Astrological sign: Leo Chinese zodiac: Monkey Fun Facts: Bailey is a cat humper (sorry, no video yet) Owner: Cubdiggity Residence: Washington Heights, NYC |
Blue steel!
I want a stuffed toy to chew on...now!
Bailey's personal training regimen at the dog run |
