This is the 50 "most beautiful" people on Capitol Hill (not in D.C. at large--hence, no 300-lb black secretaries). Too bad they start getting butt-ass ugly by #2. (I'm sorry, Barack Obama looks best when he's on NPR: all the sexy voice and none of the jarringly angular features)

#7-Dorothy Booger. Oops, I'm sorry, Boger.

#8-Senator John Thune. ARE YOU FOR REAL??? THE JUNIOR SENATOR FROM SOUTH DAKOTA...THE ONE WHO TOSSED TOM DASCHLE OUT OF OFFICE? Well, I guess he IS a LITTLE better looking than Tom Daschle, but not by much.

#1, 4, and 9-Kate Michael, Katelin Dial, and Kate Deumite. I am convinced these are all the same people. Their given names aside, they have the same hairdos, the same bullshit smiles, the same black blazers, and the same whimsical-yet-not-quite-daring charm necklaces. Oh, wait! That's The Hill for you.

Speaking of piss-poor fashion, one word on #12-Anna Balishina: EUROTRASH. Who knew foreigners were even allowed to work in Congress? I guess we make exceptions for Russian sluts who've apparently never met a bottle of shampoo.

And as for #13-Jeff Kimbell, that picture was obviously taken at his frat brother's wedding. What a wanker.

#16-Keegan Drake. You literally could not pay me enough to even lick that heinous douchebag's ear. Truly.

#17-Thank you, Leilani Pallares, for modeling one of Smith College's favorite hairstyles, the "mushroom". P.S. It's even more obvious that you're a Smith grad because YOU'RE MAD UGLY!

#20-Edward Jones. *CLEARLY* an affirmative action pick. Remember what I once said about the lack of a chin being the quickest route to unattractiveness? Case in point.

Peep the hairplugs on #21-Greg Crist! Not to mention the freakish DSLs. He should have borrowed some hair from #22-Bettina Inclan. She could satiate all of Long Island with her stash of Aqua Net.

#29-Representative Gene Taylor (D-Miss) looks shocked he made the list, as are we all. Or maybe that's just the residual of actually having been elected to national office as a democrat from Mississippi. P.S. Hot dye job...loving the blond skunk stripe.

#35-Cory Crowley clearly got rejected when he auditioned for the role of geekified mad scientist in Batman Begins. The pinstripes killed his chances.

#37-Representative Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn). The old ladies get tossed a totally undeserved bone. Even Nancy Pelosi's puckered ass looks better than this bitch.

#39-Greta Hanson models the classic DC accessory of the ugly cardigan tied around the shoulders--clearly unnecessary due to sweltering heat, but important to defend a staffer's modesty should she dare to wear a sleeveless khaki caftan. Also, as much as I hate to make fun of cancer survivors, I wonder how long it's been since she had that part of her jaw removed?

With what sort of oblong material does #43-Lauren Garry stuff her bra? (see right tit)

Somebody better fire #45-Jennice Fuentes, she's showing a shadow that could be confused with cleavage! Didn't anyone tell her she should be wearing a hideous orange bodysuit under that Ann Taylor jacket? P.S. The gums are amazing